BREAK

I needed a break so I ran upstairs and decided to post. Who knows how long I have. Luke was content sitting with his daddy, and Ryan was on a time out for the 100th time in the last hour for repeatedly doing things we tell him not to. Go figure. I have cabin fever today due to the heat and Luke wanting to eat all day. I am sore, and seriously thinking that my nursing days are coming to a quick end. Don't get me wrong, I am SUPER proud of myself for lasting this long and I am hoping to make it to the 4 month milestone where Luke will probably be able to start solids. If this cuts back on the constant need for nursing then we'll be OK. But at 17 lbs and only 3.5 months, he eats a lot. I have no idea how this pediatrician feels about starting solids at 4 months instead of waiting til 6. My only fear is that without nursing there will be no way to comfort him when he goes into one of his scream sessions. But at the same time, I am hoping to start sleep training and the nursing to sleep is such a big no no. With Ryan we lived in 'survivor mode' for a year and I don't want that this time. Things need to start getting back on track schedule wise. We need to have the energy to send Ryan back to his room in the middle of the night, I need some time when I am not holding or feeding Luke, I need more than 3 hrs of consecutive sleep, I want to be able to make Ethan dinner and see that excited look on his face when he walks in the door and smells it (instead of the poor guy having to eat cereal).

I keep thinking of things to blog but never make it up to the computer. A few months ago Ryan drank 3 Ensure shakes. He snuck into the pantry and got them. Not even sure how he opened them. Random things were happening related to the pantry that particular day, like Ethan telling me when he left for work that Ryan kept hiding in the pantry...fast forward to the end of the day when I saw him in there (me craning my neck to look over the couch while nursing and sent Ethan to investigate) and we found 3 empty cans! Ryan's reply: i love these, they are da-yishous. We decided the pantry needed to be locked and I moved all of Ryan's snack to a cabinet. Then I realized we have lever doors and spent $12 on the only lock that works for lever doors for it NOT to work. So, we bought a new handle but haven't installed it yet cuz we are cool like that. We did move the Ensures to the top shelf, only for me to find Ryan in there with a chair.

Let's see...oh, the vacation. As I had thought, Ethan and Ryan had a great time. I did a lot of sitting with Luke. Luke and I had to stay in the car at the beach where the seals were with their babies because it was too windy. Then at the river we sat under an umbrella. I got absolutely no sun. At the pool I sat in the shade, never got in the water. While some of the adults played games and stayed up I went to our room and nursed Luke watched TV. Ethan did a great job of taking care of Ryan but with the amount of people in our condo the noise was outrageous and it was overwhelming. Plus, Ryan feeds off of his older cousins and had some attitude that I did not enjoy. Luke had been doing 5-6 hr stretches when we left, and then switched back to 2-3..not a fan.

We moved Luke to his crib when we got back. It was just too much. After 3 months of sleeping with us, and doing 2 nights in a king size bed with the 4 of us it was time to have some space. The video monitor has helped ease my fears. I still have no idea why this time it freaks me out to have him in his own room (which is super cute by the way--I should post some pics).

Ryan did 2 weeks of swim lessons and though he cried the first day, he was fine the rest. On the last day he jumped off the diving board! TWICE. I was stunned. He really took to his teacher, and when he had a sub 2 days he was not happy at all. He waited to jump til his teacher came back. I am hoping we get him again because we start again tomorrow. He also has soccer once a week and loves it. My sister got him shin guards and real cleats and he looks adorable.

I just noticed its 8 and Ryan hasn't even showered yet so I need to go downstairs and get the bath/bed process started.

Yeah, I'm still here

We are having a banner day here so I actually have a second to post. Luke is on nap #3! All in the swing, but we'll deal with that another time. I really wanted to nap right along with him, but we are leaving tomorrow on what Ethan is calling a vacation. I on the other hand call it "more work for me". Whatever. The intent is there, its just so much work and the sleeping arrangments...Liz, I just read your post about that too. Ethan's dad is generous enough to invite his kids for a summer vacation. He moves his time share around. Last summer we went somewhere that was Africa hot, and spent most of the time at the pool. We also were in a 2 bedroom condo with 4 adults and 4 kids. There was a murphy bed too and my oldest nephew slept in grandpa's condo on their murphy bed.

This year, there are 2 more kids! Seriously, what a year can do! So, we either sleep all 4 of us in a king size bed which is d0-able...sadly we've done it lately in our queen many a time. Or, each of us gets a kid in a twin bed. I'm too lazy to load up the pak n play, mostly because it has all of Luke's clothes in it cuz I use it as a changing station downstairs...and because we don't have the room. No matter how many times I tell Ethan I need a bigger car he says no...then when he sees how much room the stroller takes up (its a metro lite and the smallest Graco that is a travel system) he freaks out. I ofcourse have to pack for Africa hot days and nights in the 50s. You just never know how its gonna be at the beach...plus I need an umbrella for my chair cuz I don't want poor Luke to get burned since he is technically too young for sunscreen.

So, i've overpacked for Luke and Ryan, got snacks, meds (if you pack for the worst it usually never happens), swim stuff, beach stuff...and nothing packed for myself. I'll upload pics when we get back. We just downloaded a bunch. It literally took 30 min to download all the pics and movies so yeah, it had been a while! Ryan finished preschool and had a cute program, Luke is smiling up a storm...sleeping 5-6 hrs at night and if today is any indication of things to come, is finally fixing his day sleep issues. It was so nice not to hold him all day today!!! It is time for him to move into his crib when we get back and I'm nervous. No idea why. I kinda like having him in the bed. Maybe I have the "its my last baby" blues. Ryan is starting swim lessons and soccer, possibly a music class. Busy. I realized I have to try to get out of the house everyday or I go insane. INSANE. Ryan doesn't start school again til August so we gotta keep busy.

The ants are back. I cannot even tell you about it.

I had this weird thought today: If we send Ryan to school early, as in being 4 turning 5 in November, he goes to kindergarten next August...next year. OMG. It hit me like a ton of bricks. We've been talking about having him wait a year cuz he has a kinda late birthday, so he would be 5 turning 6, but decided to wait and see how he did with preschool this year and find out what his teacher recommends. I know with boys they sometimes say it is better to wait, but I also wouldn't know what to do with him. He will already have 2 yrs of preschool...no one around here does "pre-k" and i don't want him to be in "school" for 2 yrs, then out for a year. That makes no sense. Academically I think he could do it...he is lacking in fine motor--scissors and holding his pencil correctly to be exact. He can kick a ball, throw, etc. just fine.

So, that is whats going on in my bed. Congrats to Judy and her family on baby Claire.

New pics at other site

New pics at other site...sorry, I have a baby that will not nap on his own so as soon as someone fixes that for me I can post here, LOL.

Let's see...

For the past few nights Luke is doing 4-6 hrs of sleep as long as he is swaddled. Since it is Africa hot we are running the AC at night so he doesn't get too hot. Ethan hates to run the AC, especially at night. Too bad. Sleep is priceless. Unfortunately, none of that is consecutive sleep for me due to a certain 3 yr old that has come into our room almost every night since Luke has been born. At first we felt guilty about all the changes he was going through but now we are tired of the whole situation. We KNOW its going to take several nights of putting him back in his room and letting him cry, but who the heck wants to do that? We're both tired. Ethan gets up at 6am and though he doesn't get up with the baby, I know it affects his sleep. I sure as heck am not getting up. So...the last 2 nights Luke and I went and slept in Ryan's room because our bed cannot hold all 4 of us. Yes, Luke sleeps on our bed....we found out he enjoys our expensive matress and doesn't like the basinette. Blame him? In the next few months we need Luke sleeping through the night so he can start sleeping in his crib, and then we need to go hard core with Ryan's issues. Sounds like fun.

We are starting to get cement estimates for our backyard. We only have 1 so far, but its basically almost our entire budget so the backyard really isn't a project, its a patio and the sod/sprinklers/planting will have to wait til we win the lottery.

Luke is 6 weeks today. I'm still BF and formula...it works so i'll keep doing it til it doesn't. There are some situations out of the house where formula is easier, like trying to keep track of Ryan at a park. I'm sure I gave everyone there a show while I tried to keep the nursing cover actually covering something...in that kind of situation I need to be mobile and had a very hard time so bottles out of the house, most of the time. If people are offended by BF I usually dont care, but honestly, my boobs are no prize to look at. You would die if you knew the size of my bra. My dream: lift and reduction.

Luke is a grunter. He is not constipated, but sure sounds like it. He grunts, he strains, and literally keeps me up at night. Its worse after the middle of the night feeding, formula or breast milk makes no difference. I basically don't get back to sleep by the time he is awake again to eat, though he is semi-awake during the grunting marathon. If you have any ideas please share. We see the ped in 2 weeks for shots (yuck) so i'll ask then. Trust me, he is not constipated. NOT.

Luke has been asleep for almost 2 hrs, and Ryan too. Today was a nap day instead of a "quiet time" day. I always tell Ryan to lay down and try to sleep but if you can't, you may turn the light on and read books until I come get you. The first few "quiet times" were neither quiet nor the length they were supposed to be. He is getting much better. We all need a break. I have been on the computer instead of doing anything important, but oh well. Oh wait, I did put on make up and we have a playdate this afternoon so I'll look presentable. Woo hoo. I even showered today...

My day: head downstairs to make sure Ryan doesn't want 50 hrs of cartoons on Disney after his daddy leaves for work; feed and change Luke (again); head outside to play before it gets too hot; lunch and then Wii time for Ryan, nap. Outside again if its nice...wait for daddy to get home! Oh, and feed Luke about every 2 hrs...yep. That is my day.

check the other site...pics

Ryan and Luke were actually napping at the same time--and I didn't have to hold Luke (hello swaddle, you are my new best friend) but I only managed to get pics on the other blog so check it out. And to lure you there...I cute my hair. OMG.

Let's hope for better

Luke turned 3 weeks old yesterday. At first I thought time was going by slow, then realized he is one week away from being a month old...a month seems huge. Then I think 11 more and he'll be 1. From someone who wanted Ryan's babyhood to go by quickly, mostly because people lied to me and said he would sleep better, I think I will be sad when the baby part really does end. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to more sleep. Even more, I'm looking forward to a schedule. Ryan did so well once we got onto a sleep schedule, unfortunately that took a year, so the prospect of starting a schedule much earlier is exciting. I hope Davis' program works as good for babies as it does toddlers.

Ryan still says he loves his brother, but he has definately been pushing limits the last few days. Yesterday I was already exhausted and it was just 100x worse with his attitude and constant defiance. I was ready to lock him in his room, except there is no lock. Insert tantrum we just had over him wanting more "coffee" which is milk, sugar, and a little decaf. Telling him we don't have anymore was not enough and he was getting into my face which I HATE. I'm having personal space issues since I started nursing. Yesterday Luke was on my lap for about 6 hrs straight. Honestly. Usually I can get him to nap if I swaddle him, but not yesterday so he was either eating or sleeping on me and it makes me feel chlostrophobic--not to mention my butt was asleep.

I have now officially breastfed longer than I did with Ryan. Still pretty sure I won't make it an entire year, but I'm going one day at a time. Luke had a bottle last night so I could shower and just get a break. Instead of taking a shower I chose sleep so let's hope I get a shower today :) He seems fine with formula and doesn't mind the bottle so that is good. My dad is hilarious. He won't say breastfeed, so he says mother's milk. Then lectured me that babies on mothers milk can't be gassy or have colic. Not sure where he gets his info, but Luke is a gassy baby, and was way before he ever had any formula. Oh, dad also says babies on mother's milk don't need to be burped...i have no idea where he gets this info. We were all formula fed so I know its new for him but really, not his area so he can just get over it.

Today I managed to clean up the playroom so hopefully Ryan will play in there instead of bringing every toy out to the family room. I'm caught up on laundry, but its not put away. I have 3 more nights of meals for moms so I don't have to cook, and there are minimal dishes.

Pictures...someday.

My kids are sick

Luke is 2 weeks old and has his first cold. It is the most pathetic thing. Last night he got congested and today we already had a weight check scheduled. Turns out he has a low grade fever also. We went to the lab for bloodwork and everything was normal, thank goodness. Ryan woke up in the middle of the night coughing. His inhaler and cough medicine didn't seem to work, though the inhaler has worked this afternoon. He is working on a 2.5 hr nap. I went in and woke him up once but he wasn't into it, so hopefully he will come down on his own soon. My poor babies. He is sporting a fever of almost 101, though is acting fine besides the cough.

I feel like its a whole lot to process right now on no sleep, but we are doing the best we can. I begged (kinda) Ethan to try and take more time off. One week wasn't enough. I don't feel close enough to myself, besides having no appetite. The good part about that is I've lost 20 lbs already, though not in the best way possible.

Hangin in

I miss reading everyone else's posts and I will try to get back on track with that. Right now I'm on the laptop and it has none of my favorites so I just check e-mail and usually that is all the time I have.

Luke is actually taking a nap right now and I'm not holding him!!! He is in the swing but its turned off. This will seem odd but I swear its making me dizzy when its on, like it swings too fast and I get that vertigo feeling. I know, strange. Ryan loved that swing and spent a lot of time in it and it didn't bother me one bit. He still seems to constantly want to eat and I'm doing the "on demand" feeding but it is wearing me out. I just wish he would complete a feeding without falling asleep and be more efficient. I can't believe I said efficient...I am married to an engineer.

I am still having a hard time coping with the fact that I am the only one that can feed him, and by Luke's rules that means I am the only one that can really comfort him--which means Ethan can hold him about 10 min if he is awake and thats it. Cry = nurse and there is a lot of crying going on over here. Which just started again...

Luke is 1 week old

Luke had his weight check Tuesday morning, my first outing without Ethan. Man, the carseat is heavier than I remember. Anyway, Luke is 9 lbs, basically back to birth weight so that is good. For some reason when 8:00 pm rolls around he becomes a terrible feeder. He won't latch or won't stay, then gets all upset and falls asleep. I lay him down and then he is up 10 min later with the look of "i'm hungry feed me" followed by him falling asleep again. A vicious cycle. Finally at midnight last night I couldn't take it anymore, after 3 hrs of him being on and off that I gave him 2 ounces of formula and the kid slept 3 hrs! Woo hoo. The good thing is that I'm actually sleeping. With Ryan I had a hard time going back to sleep and would often times still be awake when he woke up 2 hrs laterI will keep up the bf as long as I can, that is the best I can do and I'm fine with that.

I haven't downloaded any new pics yet, but will have Ethan do that soon. Luke had his first bath which he screamed through. He hates to be naked, hates to be changed, and basically hates anything involved with clothing. He peed on our bed yesterday and again today. You'd think after already having a boy we would remember to cover him when we change him, but we forget. If he is completely full and asleep sometimes you can change him without screaming but its very rare.

Last night Luke had a formula festival. Someone told me he was trying to "cluster" feed at night, except for the fact that he wasn't actually eating. I was a human pacifier and that is a major no no for me. There are some things I just cannot take, especially in my exhausted state of mind, which now has added guilt due to me constantly telling Ryan I can't do something because I'm feeding brother. I know one day Ryan is going to explode about how all I do is sit on the couch and feed the baby. I feel so bad. Today he put up a fight about going to preschool and I got harsh with him, again feeling bad, but I know he loves it there. Then when I dropped him off he was so grumpy and I got tears in my eyes when I told him I loved him, and that Luke loves him, and was just trying to let him know everything will be OK. So, last night we did formula feedings over night and eventhough he still ate every 2 hrs, he went right to sleep when he was done--the feeding lasting a total of 20 min...not over an hour. I was able to change his diaper while he was in a formula coma and didn't have to hear the bird squeels or worry about him waking up Ryan. Other than waking up feeling like I was going to explode, it was good. I got some sleep, Luke got some sleep, Ethan slept...we'll see if this becomes a nightly ritual or not.

And now its time to pick up Ryan, which is ofcourse right about the time Luke needs to eat...why is it always like that?

Hi, I have 2 kids

If you did not check out the other blog, Luke Edward was born on Tuesday, April 7th at 6:10 p.m. and weighed a whopping 9 lbs 1 oz. Shout out to my doctor and Ethan: "I told you so." Ignore the ultrasound from 2 weeks ago all you want, but listen to a woman when she tells you the baby is big. Just listen. And before I go into the details, a quote from my doctor as she is stitching me up: "If we do this again, remind me so we can induce you earlier." Um, are you kidding me? Okay...

I called the hospital Tuesday morning and I was the only induction scheduled so we were able to go. Thank goodness because I have no idea what I would have done if they said no. Other than cry. We got to the hospital and had to go through registration, even though I was pre-registered. By the time I got to the room it was almost 9:00 and when I was in the bathroom putting on the lovely gown I heard my doctor was there already. She checked me and I was 2cm (I was 1 on Friday). The pill was inserted and the wait began. Occasionally contractions would show up on the monitor but I never felt them. The great thing was that I wasn't hooked to an IV so I could get up and walk. I also didn't have a catheter--I am deathly afraid of them after a very painful one and was hoping to wait to get it until after some pain meds.

I had two great nurses and she suggested getting my IV in and ready in case it took a while and if I progressed quickly she didn't want me in labor and trying to poke me. Good thing because after trying several times in a 2 hr span they finally got it. I have small, thin veins with a lot of valves (whatever that means). They ended up heating a blanket and wrapping my arm in it to make the veins pop out and that worked.

Around 12:30 the doctor came to give me a second dose. I didn't have much of a change by then, and was nervous she was gonna send me home if that dose didn't work. Then the contractions were more regular and I could feel them, about 6 min apart. They were totally manageable and we decided I should try to take a nap. We turned the lights off, closed the door, and Ethan fell asleep instantly. I would doze off then get woken up by a contraction. Then there was a distinct moment when I realized that was not 6 minutes. I was trying to see the machine and finally woke Ethan up to check it. 3 min apart, then 2 min apart and it was painful. I waited a while longer and called the nurse for some meds. In her opinion it was too early for the spinal. She didn't want it to wear off too quickly. She suggested walking around after checking me because I was progressing and she thought if I could get my water to break it would happen very fast. I had visions of standing in a puddle in the hallway but didnt care. Nurses are not allowed to break water, so she called the doctor to let her know and depending on her appts for the rest of the day she was either gonna sneak away and do it, or come at 5:00.

We walked and I had to stop every 2 min and cling to the wall. The contractions were bad and felt like they were getting closer everytime. I went back to my room and tried a shower to "relax" me...didn't work. I needed intervention. The nurse checked me and I was 6. Yipee!!! She said it was a great time for the spinal and I couldn't agree more. My contractions were 1-2 min apart and not pleasant. I was holding it together for Ethan's sake, but man, they were brutal. I was kind of writhing on the bed, probably not attractive at all, but I just couldn't find a comfortable position. Because this is an "inserted" medication you cannot turn it off like pitocin.

Mr. Spinal said he would be there in 30 min and seriously I thought I was gonna die. I even did the math in my head about how many more contractions I would have til he got there. The nurse gave me an IV pain med to take the edge off but it didn't do anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. So, I'm sucking it up, Ethan called my mom and sister and told them to make the 20 min drive over and again, more waiting.

Mr. Spinal showed up 30 min later, but his prepping everything took forever. Then, he had the nerve to answer his cell phone! He kept telling me to sit forward, sit back, move to the left, honestly, it was hell. I was leaning on my nurse, whimpering because I didn't want to cry outloud (you are welcome Ethan) and was in a lot of pain. She was a great nurse and kept telling me how good I was doing, that I should be proud of myself. I kept apologizing for acting like a big baby and I remember her saying "baby it hurts you complain all you want." Finally, the spinal was in. They laid me down on my back quickly and my legs were already numb. About 5-10 min later I was in a good place. I was ready to rest and take a nap. My mom and sister were there and all was good with the world...until the shakes.

I remember the shakes after the epidural I got with Ryan so I thought it was no big deal. The nurse asked if I was cold and I said no, then she said those aren't spinal shakes those are "complete" shakes. As in 10 cm complete have a baby kind of shakes. And my first thought was, are you telling me I basically went through an entire labor with no pain meds? WOW. She checked me and yes, it was time. She called the doctor who was on her way already and bam time for baby.

Thank goodness I didn't want any longer for the spinal because they would have said it was too late. The contractions were still 1-2 min apart but I felt nothing. It is the weirdest sensation to have someone grab your legs and you watch them do it, but not feel it. They were worried I wasn't going to be a good pusher since I couldn't feel anything but oh well. No way I could have pushed him out without meds. No way.

The entire pushing was about 30 min, much quicker than Ryan's over 2 hrs. But, things got a little scary, the magnitude I didn't really get until after it was over. First they gave me oxygen, then there was a quiet discussion about the baby's heart rate, I kept asking and everyone said he was fine. Then there was a request for a pediatric respitory team. More discussion of heart rate which was not quiet. Then a vacuum. Then a request for a bigger vacuum and the doctor telling me I had to deliver him now, we could not wait. I couldn't do more than push like I had been with her telling me if they were effective or not. I heard the head was out, and then the doctor said something about shoulder distosia, and that he was stuck and literally the nurse pushed my mom out of the way, almost dove to my stomach and dislodged him by pushing hard on my pelvic bone. It was so weird to watch since I felt nothing and all I can say is that nurse rocks...and thank goodness I did not feel that!

Luke's respiratory nurse said he was fine as soon as she heard him cry. This boy is loud. He has an ear piercing scream that sounds like a bird you would hear in a tropical rain forest. After they weighed him I heard my doctor say wow. Then she spent a lot of time "fixing" me.

Needless to say this has been a very slow recovery. I could barely walk the first few days. My sugars have not gone back to normal, but yes Flynn, I had 2 donuts and they were delightful :). I have a never ending headache, among other "injuries" that I cannot even discuss. I spent the night in the hospital but decided to come home after that. They weren't doing much but
checking my vitals anyway. I look pale and am on iron supplements. Today, the 6th day, I am up and around more. I made my own lunch and am learning to not be so dependent on Ethan because he goes back to work tomorrow. I have to say that eventhough labor and delivery scares Ethan and he doesn't say much during the process, and I know he would rather not be there, he has been the best dad and husband.

I am breastfeeding. I did not have such a reaction to it like I did with Ryan. I am trying to keep it up to generate a good supply, then hopefully will start pumping soon. I am having that feeling that breastfeed is all I do all day. I find it hard to start anything-like a shower-because I'm worried Luke will decide he needs to eat again and scream and don't want to put Ethan in that position. Also, his screams terrify Ryan. Sometimes I'm feeding every 20 min because he fell asleep during, sometimes its an hr, sometimes 2...I just have no idea and I hate that. Its not like with a bottle where I could go take a leisurely shower and not worry. I just worry. I actually think Ethan kinda wants to give him a bottle and has offered. One night he did take 2 ounces of formula so I could get some sleep because his days and nights are mixed up and I had been up for about 3 days.

Ryan has been a bit more cranky, but other than that, seems to love his brother and wants to always pet his head and check on him. With Ethan at work tomorrow it will be interesting. He tells us he yuves baby yook. he is still on his basic schedule and taking naps. he thinks its unfair that Luke gets to sleep in our room when he can't, but we remind him that Luke wakes up a lot and cries and Ryan hates his hungry cry.

Speaking of, there seems to be a lot of squirming coming from his favorite nap spot-the carseat. Last night he actually went 2 whole hrs between feedings, and is just waking from about a 2 hr nap where no one had to hold him. Yay! Another plus is that he does not need a pacifier to fall asleep. Time to go feed the chunky monkey. We're doing a weight check at the ped tomorrow so I will fill you in. The other blog site has some pics up.

Can you believe

that we are sick again? Honestly, like the two week cold in February wasn't enough? I hoped it was allergies, but then Ethan and I both woke up Monday feeling sick. Bummer. With their allergies and asthma you just never know, especially since we've had high winds for days. But once I got it I knew. So, Ryan was off track for a month, goes back to school for 1 day and now we are all sick. Where is this immunity he is supposed to be building? Ryan's runny nose seems to be gone, so I'm hoping he can go to school tomorrow. He already missed yesterday. His main problem is the cough at night. As soon as he lays down, BAM. Its an asthma thing. He didn't nap yesterday either because he was coughing so much and I couldn't give him any more meds and/or mix meds. I'm one of those parents who reads the labels...go figure. There have been a lot of changes lately in kids OTC meds. Luckily I remembered what Ryan was allowed to have before they changed the labels. I understand trying to protect kids from overdosing, but most of what I read said it was parents giving babies doses for kids without talking to their doctor. What the heck? Ryan didn't get cough/cold meds til he was 18 m, with his doctor's approval and dosing. I don't like to drug him up, but when you are coughing and can't sleep you need it.

I'm feeling a little better today so I hope that means this isn't a long cold, just a few days. I keep telling the baby to ignore all my other requests to come out, that its not a good time right now. I need some time to recover my energy.

I have the best friends!

Today was the baby shower I said I didn't want and I'm glad they talked me into it! We had a blast just socializing and hanging out. No games or anything like that. Just the girls hangin out without the kids. Oh, and food. The two organizers were so good about trying to find stuff I could eat and not having anything to tempt me. Though I protested the splenda cupcakes w/ no frosting they were great! Totally would eat them again (with frosting though cuz a cupcake without frosting is wrong without a medical reason).

I got lots of diapers and wipes, and some cute outfits that Luke might not care about, but I love. Even with all of Ryan's clothes we saved, it was nice to get some new stuff and 'ooh and ahh' over it. I will have to take a picture of these cute shoes that have skulls on them, they are awesome. My mom knitted another blanket (Ryan uses his everynight and calls it the soft blanket) as well as a quilt with a train on it. So cute. I loved the practicality of the diapers and wipes, plus the cute stuff everyone added in. Because we are doing a jungle theme, my aunt offered to take some of the pictures from her safari in South Africa and make a collage--LOVE IT. That is going to look awesome in his room.

Its all coming together and now that I made it through the shower, I'm really ready. Everyone thought I would go into labor tomorrow and the shower would be cancelled...no such luck. But, I feel like even if it doesn't happen on its own, the 7th is just around the corner. I don't see the doctor til Friday, what I assume will be my last appt before the induction. I'm hoping to stress the point of the pitocin working with Ryan and that maybe if the antacids they use to induce don't work they could try the pitocin. From start to finish Ryan's induction was 11 hrs-awesome for a first baby induction. I really don't want to be sent home, and don't want a csection unless its a medical necessity.

And now, I'm going to soak in the tub. My feet are a bit swollen and the sciatica pain has started down my right leg. I actually got some sleep last night and I'm hoping for more tonight. Friday night I literally got 2 hrs of sleep. My brain would not turn off and I was wide awake. Ryan did not nap today. Ethan took him out on adventures today while we had the shower, but brought him back late. When he tried to put him down for a nap at 2 he wasn't having it. We tried quiet time with the light on so he could read books but he wasn't having that either. He knew people were downstairs having a party and 'that was not fair i want to be at mommy's birthday.' I wanted him in bed at 7 tonight but as it is often with bedtime, my intentions don't seem to become reality and he was in bed at 8--complaining the whole time. Ethan and I were both getting frustrated and I had to keep reminding them BOTH that the reason he was acting like this was because he was tired...let's hope I don't get woken up in the middle of the night. It seems to happen in spurts. We'll have 3 good nights, then 3 bad. I forget where we are in the rotation...bummer.

Sometimes you gotta let it go

I'm over (almost) the fact that I'm not being induced when I was told, and that my doctor doesn't trust the ultrasound results for the size of baby Luke. I'll just wait. I have nothing else to do. I am still a bit nervous that he is a big baby, and will continue to get bigger in the next two weeks, but we'll cross that bridge later. If I learned anything from being pregnant with Ryan its that they come out when they want, ofcourse there comes a time when you have to go get them because how long can you possibly be pregnant? I actually read somewhere that babies have been born healthy at 44 weeks, but that is about the longest a doctor has let anyone go. NO THANKS. I was also reading that most people aren't really overdue, they just calculated wrong. Ryan's OB tried to pull that one me as well, I believe she said "you're not really 12 days late, it could be more like 7." I do not even have to share my reply with you :) I know due dates are unrealistic, and that only about 3% of babies are actually born on their EDD, but there is something about hitting the mark, then going further and further and further. Its all you think about. It consumes you. Plus I'm tired, feel and look like crap, I want to sleep on my stomach and eat a donut (not all at once.)

I still wonder if there is anything weird about being 38 wks pregnant and not having one braxton hicks or contraction or anything. It seems like everyone else does and a lot of my friends made a few trips to the hospital and then were told it was false labor, GO HOME. Maybe my body just doesn't work like that.

Another thing that was mentioned at my appt was that the meds they use to induce might not work and after so many doses I would be sent home. I am confused since I can't go over due with GD and my induction is scheduled for one day before. What happens if it doesn't work? You think I would have asked, but I just couldn't form the question without sounding whiny. That is a new added fear, along with the baby being large and it turning all into an emergency. I do not want that.

To focus on a positive, I took the time to look at all the coffee creamers on the shelf and found one that only had 2 g of total carbs. Score! I have not had coffee (decaf) since the GD diet. Its not that I love coffee--I love some coffee with my milk/creamer and sugar. I paid full price for that bad boy and had some coffee this morning. Unfortunately I forgot to bring my testing supplies when we went to the kiddie gym this morning so I don't know if the creamer effected by blood sugar at all. I will try again tomorrow.

Maybe i will work on a list of foods I am looking forward to eating again...

What is the point?

What is the point of doing an ultrasound to check size if you are going to ignore the results? Seriously. My doctor is so hot and cold. For weeks she talked about induction at 39 wks, then after the GD diagnosis it was induction for sure, cannot go over due, baby = too big. Then its "oh, we waited to long to schedule it" so now its April 7. Ok, fine. As a precaution because of the GD I had an ultrasound at the hospital today. With 2 weeks to go, the estimate was 8 lb 8 oz. I figured that would throw her into a tailspin (like it did me) and prepared Ethan for a possible induction in the next few days. My doctor totally brushed it off, told me they aren't very accurate this late in the game, and we're still set for the 7th. I know they can be +/- 1 lb, but I also know 2 more weeks could mean another pound on the baby, maybe more. We still do not have an accurate weight for me due to their weird scales. They had two scales today. One said I lost 3 lbs, another said I gained 5. THERE IS NO FREAKIN WAY. I want to just scream "lady, let me tell you what I eat in a day" but I don't get the warm and fuzzy feeling from her and I don't think she cares much. Even Ethan said she seemed all about business. She is. My mom says its my fault for picking female doctors and the only two that I have had have been relatively the same. At least my OB with Ryan would fake the niceness and do you have any questions when Ethan was there. This doctor didn't even say hello to Ethan today, the first time he came to an appt.

BTW: the u/s tech said he is very chubby and has hair! and I think we are having another middle name change...let's hope mom hasn't monogrammed anything, LOL.

So, now I get to wait and worry about possibly trying to push out a large baby when my previous was 8lb 2 oz at 41 wks 5 days.

Ryan finally went to the dentist!

According to different sources I'm either 2 yrs late, or just a few months late, on getting Ryan to the dentist. Luckily all is well and his teeth are great. I was a little surprised that there wasn't a major meltdown, though I did bribe him with a lollipop before we went in. A bit ironic but it worked. He tends to like to show off and impress other people, so I wasn't that shocked that he did everything they told him to. Even xrays. We got a thumbs up on our teeth brushing technique and were told to start flossing...um yeah, we'll see how that goes. For now she said to concentrate on the molar area and teeth that are close, and not to worry about the others if he put up a fight. I believe this will be left up to daddy, just like cutting finger/toe nails. Not my thing. I'll post dental shots on the other blog when I get a chance. Looking for the cord under the desk does not sound like a fun job right now.

In other news, Ryan didn't nap yesterday. I'm getting the vibe that the napping days are drawing to a close, just as I expected, around the time the baby gets here. He kept coming out of his room and I kept telling him to go back. I wasn't comfortable getting into the shower because I didn't want him roaming the house, nor did I want to let him watch TV while I showered. I wanted him to try to sleep. Finally after an hour I told him he could turn the light on and look at his books, but that he could not come out and I would get him when it was time. New word: quiet time. I think I might have to set a timer or something since he loves gadgets. Today he napped with no problem, but he was in his bed at 1:00 on the dot. It might be a case of tightening up the schedule for both nap and bed, but I don't expect the naps to go on forever...no matter how much I enjoy them.

WOW

Friday night around 5:30 Ryan asked to go to the park. Now I had been asking him since he got up from his nap around 3:00, but ignore that. We were outside playing in the front yard because our back yard is...well...unfinished. Let's just call it a bunch of weeds and dog poop. So, I told him it was getting too close to dinner and it would be dark soon (not really) but he wasn't buying it. Then he started a campaign of "call grandma I bet she wants to go to the park with me." Gee, make me feel bad. So, we negotiated which park (closest to home was my vote) and I said we were driving because no way was I walkin anywhere, especially when he likes to pull the "carry me" on the way home. I'm no dummy.

At the park there were kids of various ages. Ryan literally screams with delight and says those kids are his friends and they love him. It so cute to see him being social and trying to play with kids he doesn't know. Mostly he tries to follow bigger kids. I watch him closely to make sure a) he isn't bothering them and b) they aren't mean to him. He was running in circles, just being a crazy boy in the sunny weather and I loved it. There was a mom there with her kids, and at first I wasn't sure how many were hers. It was hard to tell because she spent the entire time I was there laying on a park bench reading a book. Laying.

Numerous times her kids got into fights with eachother over a skooter, and she took it away. About 10 min later the older girl is throwing tanbark at the sister. Ryan is in the area so I yell at him to move. He asks why. I say loudly, because those girls are throwing tanbark and its not nice or safe. Mom never moves her book. Finally the tanbark gets into the younger girls eye and she starts wailing. The mom yells at them to come over and doesn't really even ask what happened, basically just tells them to stop "whatever." The older girl (with some tude) announces she is still mad that her mom took away the skooter.

Mom's response: maybe i would reconsider if you stop acting like an idiot

WOW. Seriously, that is an exact quote. This was not a quiet conversation. This is her in a yelling voice, one that I could hear clearly from where I was sitting, across the play structure. Wow. She also yelled at one time that the older girl was not old enough to have her pants pulled down and spanked in front of everyone. Turns out there were 2 younger boys that were hers as well.

Now, I don't set out to judge, especially on parenting which is the hardest thing ever, and I know I'm not the best mom, especially now in the last few weeks of pregnancy I am losing my temper and just freakin tired, but I know I have never done anything like that and I just don't see why she thought that would motivate better behavior. Maybe she wasn't thinking. It happens. Ryan has been spanked a few times, I can't say I'm proud of it. I've told him to shut his mouth before, again, not proud, but I would never call him an idiot. Never. But I have told Ethan that his son was acting like a butthead, but Ryan wasn't around :)

It just made me feel if she will say that kind of stuff in public, what is she saying in private. Makes me sad.

I'm gonna cry in about 5 seconds...

Today I saw the OB, and again, no real progress to mention. What I am not happy to mention is the 10 lbs I supposedly gained in 1 week. 1 week. How is that even possible with the diet I am on??? I have been doing this diet since Feb 9th, and have maintained and/or lost weight since then. At one point I had lost 5 lbs. WTF? Seriously, it is making me an emotional wreck because I just DO NOT GET IT. The doctor didn't get it either and she took me back in the hallway and weighed me herself. My scale even says I've put on weight. She said I have no water retention to speak of, but other than that is clueless. Then she said "just watch what you eat." Um, been doing that since Feb 9th. Hello. I was about 150 when I got pregnant, went up to 180 before the program, and have hovered at the 177-180 mark for over a month. There were weeks when I didn't gain at all, or lost a few. Last week I was 177 at the office, so this is totally blowing my freakin mind. Their scale says I weigh more now than the day I delivered Ryan at 41 wks 5 days. Holy crap.

To add to my stress, I found out today that we waited to long to schedule the induction, and I'm now scheduled for the earliest day available: April 7. One day before my due date. Thanks so much. So I've got 3 more weeks to feel miserable, gain unexpected weight, and keep up my diet. Fun.

On a good note, I had my last GD appt with the nurse and was basically released. They are happy with my progress and unless my #s go totally out of control I don't have to go back. I am a gestational diabetic rockstar. She said I am the exception to the rule, and most people that go in end up on insulin. I just don't get it. I've worked so hard to keep this under control and though its not easy, it has been worth it for the health of the baby, me and not to have to take insulin. I know sometimes diet doesn't work the whole time, but apparently there are people out there that don't even try. They actually ask for insulin. Insane.

Is it too much to ask a 3 yr old to be grateful?

Everytime I type grateful I crack up because when I was teaching 9th grade we had vocabulary words each week that were mandated by the district. I would put the 10 words on the board and they would copy them down, define, and then I would have some other type of activity, followed by a spelling test at the end of the week. I saw grateful on the list and assumed it was a typo. Just didn't look right to me, so I switched it to greatful, which really doesn't look right either. In one of my classes I had a lot of special ed students so they had an aide that helped out and she brought it to my attention. How embarassing!


Anyway, Ryan had major tude today, even after I thought we did some fun stuff which he should have been grateful for. Maybe its just too much to expect, or maybe its me being tired and emotional and just done with carrying around 30 extra lbs and being hungry for stuff I can't eat.


We left the house around 11 (right as daddy was leaving for work) and hit the library. Technically this is the first time he has gone to specifically check out books for himself. Many moons ago we went for story time in O'side, but nothing since he has been this old. (Old...LOL). We specifically went because he has a Blues Clues book (that I hate) and was asking for more. His reading preferences go in cycles. We'll read the same two books at night for over a month or, if I happen to clean up his room and put all the books back on the shelves he'll just pick something and when we are done it ends up on the floor-the new favorites. His choice would be to have every book in his room on the floor so he could meandour around and pick and choose...that lasts a few days until I cannot stand the mess anymore and back on the shelves they go. So, after last clean up we've been stuck with a Blues Clues book--more specifically, a book with 4 stories and he makes me read "My Pet Turtle Torquoise" every time, and the second book is an old Winnie the Pooh scratch and sniff book that was mine.


We headed to the library for more Blues Clues but they didn't have any in English (I am not heartbroken). We headed to a section on 'cars trucks trains...things that move' that I thought would be a hit, but they seemed to be more for older kids. He picked out a book on big rigs. I picked out a book about a bunny that is going to be a big brother, and then we found some Bernstein Bears books--we have one already and its one of his favorites because sister and brother get in a fight and one of them says "get your dopey feet out of my face" and he thinks that is hilarious. He calls them the bad bear books.


We even looked at some dvds and I thought those would be a hit but he wasn't interested. Our local library happens to be attached to a park so when we walked out he asked if we could go to the park. Even though it was close to lunch I said yes, and he had a great time playing. Some older kids showed up and were throwing bark and just getting into general trouble so I said it was time to leave. That went ok and we came home for a quick lunch and nap.

We had already discussed needing to go to the grocery store, something I hardly ever do with him since my MIL usually comes twice a week to watch him while I run errands or attend my various doctor appts. She flaked Monday, and we were in need of some staples, specifically cheese sticks and granola bars for Ryan. He was excited for the granola bars and I might have bribed him with Starburst. I'm no dummy. I know I can't chase him around a store. He actually asked to sit in the cart which blew my mind. Then as we were looking at strawberries (this boy loves strawberries) he threw a fit about wanting raspberries. The problem is that he doesn't like them. I'm his mom, and I know things like this. Over and over he is talking about the raspberries and then says "daddy says I like them." Um...whatever. So I buy raspberries that were probably $4, I have no clue. I just wanted it to end. They did not have our usual brand of granola bars and I should have been leery when I handed him the box and he looked at me like "what the hell" but I bought them.

Everything was ok until right after checkout. I told him as soon as we got to the car and I washed his hands he could have a Starburst. He decided he didn't need to hold my hand, which is difficult when I'm pushing a cart anyway, but said he would stand next to me, which apparently translates into walking on the other side of the parking aisle and almost getting run over by a car. I told him to move closer to me 3x and finally was so annoyed that I grabbed his hair and pulled him closer. I'm sure it was a lovely scene in the parking lot. I am not proud, but hey, he is alive and not smashed under a car. In true Ryan fashion he got very dramatic and had to roll around on the ground. I put him in his carseat crying and went about my business.

Once everything was unloaded I talked to him about his lack of listening, especially lately, and how that was very dangerous. Starburst came up again and I said if he stopped crying he could have one when we got home...after washing our hands. It was absolutely silent and when we get to our driveway I turn around and he has both hands in his mouth (ew) and tears streaming. I ask what is wrong, thinking maybe he hurt his hands on something. Nope. Just him being overly dramatic again about Starburst because ofcourse, they taste better if you get to eat them in the car. Honestly, I"m losing it about now. I unload everything, leave him sitting in his seat (yes he is almost 3.5 and does not try to get out himself) and we have another discussion, specifically about following directions because ew, your hands are dirty and you put them in your mouth, and then didn't take them out when I told you too. Gross. Grocery store cart gross. Yuck.

Dinner comes around and he is having taquitos and his beloved rasperries which he finds out he does not like. Duh. I tell him to leave them on his plate but he cannot. They must be off, and another argument starts about following directions. I call daddy and ask him if he can have a talk with his son because I'm done talking and things are gonna get ugly really quick. Ryan blabs something about rasperries to him and how I'm making him eat them and "i don't yike them." He seems to calm down until he asks me to eat the raspberries. I tell him I can't because it makes the baby sick and he is screaming at me to eat them because he needs them off his plate. Can we all say "OCD."

At bedtime we talked about trying to be a better listener as our goal for the next day. We're half way through today and I think we are on track. But geez...I'm off to what is hopefully my last appt with my diabetes nurse.

Giving props where they are due

Firstly, my parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on Sunday. That is so cool. Ofcourse their three ungrateful children did nothing special--though one of their children is 37 wks pregnant and not up to hosting a big party or family dinner. They did get two gift cards for restaurants in town. I used to be much better at this...really. For their 30th we threw them a very nice party at a restaurant, paid for all by us. There were about 30 people. We had their wedding cake replicated, and I hand made all of the invitations using pictures from their wedding. Yes, all of this before I had Ryan. You guessed it. In previous years we've also booked them weekend trips to Reno, etc, or paid for their tickets to go to Disneyland...you have no idea how much my dad likes to go to Disneyland. Its a bit disturbing for a man his age, but whatever. So, I'm feeling a little bad about this year and we totally owe them for their 40th.

In other news, my husband is pretty awesome. Since he started his new schedule (12-8:30) he spends almost all morning with Ryan. Instead of just seeing him for an hour and breakfast, they have hours to do stuff. Today they re-set up Ryan's train table so you could run the trains on the track and not matchbox cars. He also takes him downstairs for breakfast, and deals with the morning potty and all that fun stuff. Saturday I had a babyshower to go to about an hour away, and they went to OSH to buy rose bushes to plant, and did that while I was getting ready. I didn't even ask for the rose bushes. I think Ethan is just ready to do the backyard but we can't start until we get a cement patio done, so he is doing whatever he can in the front. Then they worked on the shed in the backyard.

I got home later than expected from the shower and trip to BRU to buy Luke's coming home outfit, and Ethan had already taken care of their dinner--and called me to see if I was going to eat with them. Somewhere in the day there was a trip to Walmart and Office Depot, and Ryan took his normal nap. When I got home the water was running in the bath and Ryan was so excited to tell me all about his day. I kept telling him what a lucky boy he is to have a daddy that likes to do stuff with him, and to take him places.

Sunday I got up early with Ryan because my back was hurting and we let daddy sleep in. Then we headed to Old Navy because I had a 30% off coupon (couldn't find a darn thing) and Kohls. We had lunch at Round Table, then headed to JC Penney for an area rug. All the while Ethan kept Ryan occupied and we didn't have any major meltdowns. Ryan took a nap and then asked Ethan to take him to the park. So, off they went with his bike. I wasn't feeling well and fell asleep. I decided to check my blood sugars and they were 20 pts higher than they are supposed to be, 2 hrs after eating, not 1. I hate too much ice cream. But really, 1/2 c of ice cream? Come on. You need at least an entire cup. So, I had to go walk 2 laps around the block to get my sugars under control, just as they were getting home. After my first lap I saw them in the front yard, Ryan running down the street cracking up while Ethan chased him with a remote controlled car.

Then dinner, a family game of Mario Kart Wii, and bath/bed. Ethan took care of all of that as well. When I told Ryan again what a lucky boy he was, Ethan asked why. I really think he has no clue that there are a lot of hands off type dads out there. 3 seems to be a great age for helping dad do whatever needs to be done outside or in the garage, and they have such a great time together. It doesn't feel forced with him at all. He wants to hang out with his son and I think that is the coolest thing. Now, if I could only get him to dress him appropriately :)

p.s. baby Chloe is now 3 pounds and on track to come home at the end of April, her original due date

Exhausted

Today feels like it went on forever. I'm not sure why. I slept decent, not like 8 consecutive hrs or anything, but that NEVER happens. I get a few hrs at a time (if I'm lucky and its not even the pregnancy its just ME) but I did wake up feeling good. But by dinner time I was seriously lagging and in some kind of fog. Ryan only had one time out today, though it was a doozy, shouldn't have been a major issue. We had fun at the park this morning, he took a nap, I'm not sure if its true physical exhaustion or emotional exhaustion...or both.

My sister and I got into a little tiff but that shouldn't be a big deal either, maybe its just a combination of that, and Ethan working shift the last 2 weeks. Because Ethan is a good guy he decided that since the technicians were being asked to work shifts, the engineers should too. He asked me if I preferred early morning or nights. I was thinking ahead and reasoned it would be nicer to have him home in the morning, especially to help get Ryan off to school. Seriously, its like pulling teeth in the morning and I hate being late. I figured with a baby it was gonna be nearly impossible. Then after he chooses nights he tells me they changed it from 10-7 to 12-8:30...um, ok. Then he says its only for March, and April might change. Ryan is off school til the 26th so that didn't quite work out as I had planned. But, Ryan and daddy have had a great time together in the morning. They have been working in the garage, went to Home Depot, and fixed the gate. But, he has not been home for bedtime and man, that has been a killer. Ryan is constantly asking for him, and by about dinner time I am losing it. Why is it that when I am trying to make dinner seems to be his favorite time to bother the dogs and just generally be disobedient? Throw in the time change and OMG!

We are also having sleep issues and Ethan and I have turned into softies. Ryan has been coming into our room a few nights a week asking to sleep with us, usually around 1am. The first night Ethan said ok, admitted he was a total softie. Then a few nights go by and everything is fine, then its my turn to be a softie. I got totally emotional about how in a few weeks there will not be room in the bed for him if we use the co-sleeper thing, but really, if the baby is in our room even in a basinette he shouldn't be in there. So, I was sad. What the heck has happened to us? Ryan has only been allowed to sleep with us if he is sick, and by sick we usually mean some type of a fever where I need to monitor/medicate him, or asthma issues, not a cold. And in the last week he has probably slept with us 3 nights. Last night he came in, I didn't hear him, but I heard Ethan say something which woke me up, and them he was in our bed. Ethan remembers nothing. I went to Ryan's bed around 3am for more room. Our sleep consultant would be freakin out right now! BTW: as I am typing this I heard his door open but found him in his bed. I think he heard me in the office and decided not to come out. Oh, its gonna be a long night and Ethan isn't even home yet.

The tiff with my sister was weird. We are very close. My parents just bought a house that she is going to rent from them. Ryan and I were over visiting while my dad was doing some work, then my mom and sister came after they got off work. Ryan was in the backyard playing soccer with my sister and took a detour to the gravel area and was kicking rocks. I told him to stop twice, then told him if he did it again I was going to spank his bum. That is usually not my first threat, but it came out that way. About 5 min later he starts kicking rocks again and I stand up and he runs. I HATE THAT. HATE IT. We are in an enclosed backyard and I know he can't get away, but everytime he runs I think of running away in a parking lot or across a street and I get scared which makes me more angry. Plus, I'm pregnant and cannot run after him. So, my sister heads into the house and I tell her to lock the screen do not let him in. She does, I finally catch him and he is already crying cuz hello, you know when you do something wrong at this age. I give him a light swat on his bum and the tears start flowing. Typical Ryan. When you send him on a time out at home he goes to the stairs, then cries. Its all planned out. I'm asking him to tell me why he is in trouble but he won't, so I send him to sit in the corner.

My sister starts asking him if he is ok and walking in that direction and I tell her no, don't talk to him on a time out or look at him. Ignore him. Seriously, you would have that I told her to kill a cat. I explained that he needs to know he is being punished and that he gets no attention, even bad attention. So then she tells me she doesn't agree with my parenting and I say fine, but he is my child and I'm parenting him that way and she says fine...BUT ITS HER HOUSE. UM. WTF. My poor mom is standing in the kitchen like 'oh crap.' Needless to say we left soon after that. I did my normal of talking to Ryan after his time out, asking him what he thought he did wrong, etc., which he totally knew and admitted. My sister has seen him get time outs before so I"m not sure what was up but man, that rubbed me the wrong way.

Ok...long post. Ethan might finally be home and I need to lay down and have this day be over.

Big fat zero

So, I went to the doctor today, just sure I was dilating and on my way. Nope. Zero. Nothin. I don't think I was whiny or complained, but hey, this is the first time I've actually felt "pressure" or twinges or pins and needles and damn I though it meant something. Because my previous child obviously did not want to come out and allowed me to be pregnant for 41 weeks 5 days (yes let's just call it 42) with not signs of anything, I thought this was different. This baby must want to come out. Not as of today. So, all this pain when I walk is normal? Fun.

When I was about 30 wks with Ryan I had contractions that were pretty painful. I went to the ER and after an exam where it hurt so bad I wanted to kill the nurse, found out there was no dilating. The contractions showed up on the screen but no one knew why. They decided on dehydration, had me drink a bunch of fluids, then gave me a shot and everything was fine. 5 days before my due date I had some contractions, layed on my side, drank some water, and they went away. That is the extent of my contraction experience. Never pressure, or pain when I walked, or anything like that. Even during the actual delivery all of the pain I felt was in my back. Back labor is a bitch.

So, we keep waiting. Though I did get the "if you go into labor" speech today. I know its still early but I was excited that maybe, just maybe, one of my children would actually decide on his own "hey, today is a good day. I bet my mom wants a donut. she has been working really hard with her restricted diet and she deserves some french fries."

I am leaning toward the induction at 39 wks. I will see how my next two appts go, and I have another ultrasound scheduled for 38 wks for fetal measurement. No one thinks the GD has caused him to be large, just a precaution, but if they are thinking anymore that 8 lbs at 2 wks early I'm inducing for sure.

And the new debate: Maxwell v. Stratton...middle names (both family names on Ethan's side)

Holy cow today is March 8

Today is March 8. My due date is April 8. Enough said.

Thank you for the support on the bf issue. I really didn't want to make it an "issue" this go round, but it is. You still get questioned if you bottle feed. Some people are nice about how they ask, others are not. They figure there has to be a problem. I guess in a way there was, but not the kind of problem they want to hear. And, people really think you didn't try hard enough or "if you could have just hung in there a little longer..." Maybe. I'll never know. I went in with the best intentions, did it for 3 weeks, with supplementing, and then stopped. I bought a very expensive pump and tried that, but wasn't producing enough to make it worth it. Literally, 20 min on one side = 1/2 ounce. 1/2! So, for my sanity at that particular time I quit. And hey, I didn't turn out too bad :) Neither did Flynn :) This time I'll try again. Try. And if I get overwhelmed or start to have freak out again, I'll stop. Maybe it will be easy this time. But, I'm really going to concentrate on not feeling bad about whatever happens. I know there will be more stress this time around, due to a certain 3 yr old, and I've just gotta take it as it comes.

I'm gonna vent so be prepared

I don't think I totally ever got into the BF issue with Ryan, or the sleep issue...I mean really into it. I might at onc time, maybe to explain my feelings on those subjects, or not. Who knows. Y'all know Ryan didn't really sleep through the night til he was 1 and we had to pay the consultant who was phenomenal (thanks Kalyn). But, there are so many other things related to it and how we coped, and what we did, and just really, what it did to us as people and as a family. BF is kinda the same way. Lots of issues, and I still have guilt, though I am really trying to get away from that place and look at it with a fresh perspective. Hopefully this will make sense as you read.

Our playgroup has a message board, like many do. We've had lots of babies born recently, 3 since January I think, and there have been a lot of 'baby' questions/comments on the board. Most of us have 2 yr olds and older so we're in a baby swing right now. Someone posted a question about breastfeeding, and we have lots of BF moms. I decided to check out some of their suggestions. I figured I could learn a thing or two, couldn't hurt. It is obvious some people feel very strongly about it, but as someone that tried and failed, I am much more cautious in what I say, and just want everyone to do what is best for them, and I'm open to formula or whatever needs to be done not just for the baby, but for the mom as well. I am not going to put myself through what I did with Ryan. Emotionally it was not a good place for me to be in.

So, I go to a website that some of the mom's posted, supposedly it has great ideas, a real miracle worker kind of thing. Right off the bat its pro BF, not a problem. Its not like you can find anything really negative about BF, other than lifestyle issues. So, I'm reading through some articles and it says you can never breastfeed a baby too much, but you can under bf. Ok. I'm no expert so I'm going with it. Then it takes the "feeding on demand" situation of infants and stretches it out, basically saying keep feeding on demand. This is where I start to get a bit skittish, but again, no experience so I keep reading. Then comes a question about using bf to get the baby to sleep. It goes on and on about how that is fine and normal, and she doesn't understand why anyone thinks this 'natural' way is a bad habit.

Now I'm getting uncomfortable because I know, habits are hard to break. You nurse a 4 month old to sleep every day/night you are still gonna be doing that when he/she is 1 without great effort to stop it. Then there is a section about sleep habits and how parents have unrealistic expectations about babies sleeping through the night. Basically, you should just deal. If your baby wakes up, nurse it back to sleep, no matter how many times or their age. Luckily (kinda) i'm reading this as a second time mom so I know not to be beating myself up about how this is exactly the opposite of what I think/did, but still, it bothered me. I started to question myself. Over a freakin website!

The articles keep going saying parents that try sleep training and any form of CIO are trying to make the baby fit into their life, instead of the other way around. Letting your child cry itself to sleep (in any method according to them) is terrible and Ryan will be scarred for life. He knows he was abandoned in his crib and will apparently never get over it. WOW. So I keep reading because its like a train wreck and I can't stop, still with this feeling of "OMG what have I done? What am I going to do?"

And then the BF stuff starts again, and I find out all these things like I didn't try hard enough, wasn't committed enough, and if I would have just accepted the fact that this baby was going to be attached to me 24/7 it would have been fine. It was all me being selfish. Feed him when he cries and thats it. Just do it. Stop worrying about trying to leave the house alone for 5 seconds or sleeping for more than 2 hrs at a time. Weight loss in a baby is normal, don't worry, cracked and bleeding nipples, oh well, ice it up. Other issues, too bad, just do it.

Needless to say, I finally had to stop reading because I just couldn't find anything helpful anymore. Yes I know its better for the baby and me, especially with my GD. I know it. I also know some other things about myself that might make it more difficult. Maybe I am selfish. I don't know. Really. I. Don't. Know.

Let's have a shower

Once we found out we were having another boy I made it clear to my friends and family that I did not want a baby shower. Not because I am an ungrateful wench, but because we kept everything. EVERYTHING. Ethan, the person who wants to throw everything away, made me keep all things baby. He said he knew we would have another, no matter what I had been saying. So fine, score 1 for him. Yes, we have a swing, and a portable swing, and a bouncer, and a jumperoo, and 2 bath tubs, 1 bath ring, a boppy, bottles, the thing that cleans the bottles w/ steam in the microwave, a bjorn, 2 other sling type things, 1 in fant carseat and 2 bases, matching stroller...we have it all. Still. And ofcourse, almost every single outfit Ryan ever wore. The clothes and blankets are in great condition so really, I didn't need anything. At this time in our economy it just didn't seem necessary to have a shower. The only things I've bought are a new crib set, some new nipples and pacifiers, and some breast pads--and some clothes on clearance from Target but those don't count. Baby cannot be expected to wear all hand me downs.

One of my very good friends from playgroup really wanted to give me a shower and she suggested a "bring a bag of diapers" shower. Another friend told me she had one of those and her son is 9m old and she hasn't bought diapers yet! I mentioned it to Ethan and he was all for it, and also added "can they buy wipes too?" Gotta love him. He also suggested they bring formula but since I don't know if I'll need any, or what kind, that was a no. Ethan is just remembering that Ryan's formula was $25 a can and we spent about $100 a month on it. Yep. But it was worth it for my sanity at the time.

So, the shower is scheduled for a week before my due date. I am laughing now because you just never know what is going to happen. With Ryan I had a shower 2 months early "just in case." We had no idea it could have been 2 weeks late and not mattered at all. I am grateful and lucky to have such great friends and I just couldn't tell them no anymore since they really wanted to do it but I still feel weird about it.

Baby Update

First, check out the kids blog (link to the right). I just posted some pics of Ryan at Build a Bear from last weekend. I also just had my sister take some family and maternity pics that will be up soon. She did all this fancy stuff with editing and I'm having a hard time picking my favs.

I saw my OB last Thursday at 34wks 1 day. She did a quick ultrasound to make sure he is head down and he is. Yay! This little guy scares me cuz he is a mover and a shaker. If he is head down in 2 weeks that should be his final position--except for my brother who turned the night before, but we aren't going to think about that! So, I am now one day away from being 35 wks!

My doctor was happy with my GD diet and got a good report from my nurse. It is good that they are communicating since I had no idea how that worked. She suggested an induction a week early due to the GD, but said it was my call. She will authorize another ultrasound at the hospital to check fetal weight since GD babies tend to be big, even when sugars are managed. They consider big 10 lbs. I'm fairly certain this baby is no where near that, but its good to try to get some idea of what we are dealing with. She was confident I could push out a 9 lb baby since Ryan was 8 lb 12 oz...until I corrected her that he was 8 lb 2 oz...with a vacuum and almost 3 hrs of pushing. That tends to change things a bit.

I'm still undecided on the induction. I've done it before and I know pitocin sucks. But I also know that from start to finish it was about 11 hrs and that is pretty darn awesome for a first baby induction. It would guarantee everyone that is supposed to be there will be, and Ryan will be taken care of. No middle of the night antics. She will not let me go over due for sure, so I guess its down to the size of the baby and my mood :) If there are any problems with my sugar I would probably choose delivery over insulin and checking my blood 10x a day. I did tell my doctor I expected her to bring me a donut in the hospital! I'm going to be the only person who gains weight after she has a baby, but I don't care. I need some sweets! I lost a pound on their scale, and about 4 on mine so this diet thing really does work and will be great with some modification after I have the baby...but right after, I've got some yummy food coming my way.

Are you ready?

So I just noticed our title is weird and has an extra picture of Ryan behind a bird...see what happens when I try to do something new? I didn't like the picture of Ethan and I (face was way too fat and it cannot be blamed on pregnancy) so I looked forever to find another picture of us, which is pretty impossible. I ended up on one from our Oregon trip-Aug, 2007. Now that I have it in place, I don't like it either. I totally needed makeup, though I don't think a lot of people wear makeup while they are climbing in caves...

Back to readiness. Ethan asked me last night if "we" were ready for the baby. I assume the "we" meant mostly me, and also any logistical things like oh, I don't know a carseat, crib, diapers, etc. I said no, I'm not ready. He said he wasn't ready. Comforting we are in the same place :) Then he went on and on about work and how he has a ton of deadlines for the end of March and he keeps reminding people he could be taking a week off at any time. This made me go into a tailspin of not-readiness and I started listing things we needed to do:

1) find infant carseat in garage and clean it
2) clean stroller (its very yucky and full of toddler grime and hasn't been used in months)
3) sterilize some bottles
4) buy nipples for said bottles (i did have to explain to ethan why i saved bottles and not the nipples...poor guy)
5) find breast pump and sterilize (we knew where it was at the old house but its disappeared)
6) pack my bag
7) buy a coming home outfit for baby
8) set up pak n play in family room for diaper changing and so i don't have to walk upstairs 100x a day
How come no one is doing this stuff? We do have size newborn and 1 diapers, probably even some 2s. My mom is the best diaper shopper ever! The crib is up but you really can't walk in there yet. I'm getting a small basinette from a friend for our room but there is nowhere to put it yet...add that to the list (clean my side of the bed floor). We also have one of those sleeper things that sits between the two pillows on the bed and the baby sleeps in it, its kinda like a box. Oh, wash the boppy cover...maybe buy some nursing bras...or wait...since sizing is going to be an issue. Clean out of the the baths we have because we have 2 plus a bath ring. Goodness! Find the Bjorn...I must stop.

We have diapers, some clothes and blankets washed, and will either have breastmilk or formula so we should be fine, right? We've done this before.

Um...gross

We all have colds over here which does not technically lead to a gross moment. Sure, the runny nose is gross (Ryan's--Ethan can deal with his own) but a cold is a cold. I am surprised we got them around the same time, since it seems we always have a week or two delay. Ryan woke up with a runny nose Monday, by Wednesday I had a scratchy throat, and Ethan too. I am always surprised how a virus effects people differently. Ethan and Ryan have noses that run like a river. Maybe it is because of their allergies, who knows. I on the other hand get the congestion and sinus pressure. Painful. I could spend anywhere from 3-10 days on the couch, while Ryan runs around like normal, maybe a smaller appetite and Ethan can still go to work. Weird. My OB said I could take Robitussin and Sudafed if needed. And because I am "all about" my diabetes I even got the sugar free type made for diabetics. If you think regular cough medicine is horrible DO NOT EVER BUY SUGAR FREE. EVER.

Anyway, Ryan stayed home from school Tuesday but went on Thursday because he seemed much better and hardly had a runny nose. For some reason today it is back with a vengance and a cough. Super fun. Ethan says he is feeling better. I am about the same. If I don't take tylenol for the sinus pain its awful. The sore throat is at least gone, but the congestion is still here. When Ethan went to the store to get Sudafed they didn't have any. Can you believe that? I've been making due with some decongestant spray that a pregnancy book said was safe. With that, the tylenol and some hot tea, I'm hangin in.

Onto gross. We put Ryan down for his nap around 1:30 (late as usual when daddy is here) and got busy putting up the border in the nursery. Around 2:30 Ryan is calling for me and it was that tone where you know as a mom you can't ignore it. I walk in and he says "remember how I pooped in my pull up? i pooped in my pullup." The bigger and better news is that he has been potty trained (except for nap and night) for almost 3 weeks!!! I told him accidents happen when we sleep and that is why we wear pullups for now. As I walked into the room the stench was almost unbearable. I pulled back the blankets and OMG. I cannot (and will not) describe. You would have thought he didn't have a pull up on at all. He started to freak out a little so I told him we were just gonna take his clothes off and put him in the bath. Ethan is useless in this kind of situation. I yelled to him that we had an emergency and I would be needing him in the bath. Ryan did not want to take a bath because baths are for when its dark.

After I finally got him in the bath and had Ethan supervising that, I had to clean up the mess. I could hardly do it. Remember the "poop up the back" of babyhood? Well, Ryan wasn't that kind of baby. I think we had 2 occasions...both for his daddy :) I can still remember Ethan screaming down the hall for help and just standing at the door and laughing. That is expected with babies. Ethan's mom tells the story of going to the grocery store, putting Ethan in the cart, and next thing she knows its running down his leg! My little niece just had a similar thing happen in her bumbo. The picture was hilarious! But again, baby. I told Ethan, "I didn't sign up for this." Not meaning messes or mommy stuff in general, just being sick, pregnant, and dealing with a poo mess all at once. And ofcourse I had it in the back of my mind that this was some new virus and there might be more of this coming my way...shudder.

Laundry is in progress. Let's hope I don't have to do another load in the middle of the night.

Heaven

After complaining about being bored with my food choices, the nurse suggested a "fun food"--ice cream. Heck ya! Now its only 1/2 a cup but after going over a week with nothing sweet it was delicious. That is a snack I won't mind repeating. The ice cream has to be plain, either chocolate or vanilla, and actually can't be "lite" since I need the fat content but I will take it and love it. Ryan was very excited to wake up from his nap and find chocolate ice cream for his afternoon snack. Who wouldn't be? Unfortunately I had a high number of 157 after breakfast. I am supposed to be between 100-130. It meant we had to layer up and take a walk outside. Exercise helps to bring down the blood sugar, along with a lot of water. I have never been that high and it was scary, especially since there are no symptoms, which is weird. Apparently eating an entire banana is not an option. I actually only meant to eat half and then bam, it was gone. Breakfasts are rough, especially if my night time fasting number is already high. There are SO many things I am not allowed in the morning, and now I basically have to add fruit to that. They really love me to eat eggs for the proetein but I wonder what that is doing to my cholesterol!

I was able to talk to my friend today who had the premature baby. She is finally off the preclampsia meds and feels more like herself. She said they made her loopy and she couldn't put together a coherent sentence. Now she can focus on recovering from the c-section so she can easily get to see the baby whenever she wants. She got to hold her which I assume means she isn't hooked up to a ton of things, but I didn't ask a lot of questions. I didn't want to upset her. I was thrilled she got to hold her baby. She gets to leave the hospital tomorrow or Friday and I know it is going to be so hard for her to leave here baby there. It is a fantastic NICU and I know miracles happen in those places, but please be thinking of her as she has to walk out of that hospital empty handed. At least 6 weeks in the hospital is the estimate right now before baby Chloe will be able to come home.

The world might be ending...

My friend's doctors decided they could not wait anymore and she had a c-section last night. Baby Chloe was 2 lb 1.3 oz and 13 inches long. Everyone is doing well and she has already been called feisty. I don't have any other details. I know that the struggles of last week evaporated when they saw their beautiful baby girl and I hope for a speedy recovery and good health all around.

As for the world ending: I bought diet soda today. OMG. I thought maybe diet cherry Pepsi would be OK. I am so sick of water and decaf hot tea that I had to at least try. I had some with lunch and it was eh. I think I could get used to it. The problem is that there is some caffeine so I need to watch it or I'll be up all night long. I also bought some diet rootbeer which has no caffeine. We'll see...but I am by no means a convert.

Prayers for a friend and our low key V-day

One of my best friend's from college was just diagnosed with preclampsia and is in the hospital. She is due approximately 4 weeks after me, but can have the baby at any time now. Her shower was supposed to be next weekend and I got the e-mail saying it was cancelled. My heart is breaking for her. A few weeks ago we were just talking about how she was born premature (can't remember how early) and wondered how her mom dealt with it, and now it is probably something she is going to have to face...at possibly 10 wks early. This is her first pregnancy and she was so sick in the beginning. Then they thought they found a marker during the blood tests for possible defects and they had an agonizing week before seeing a perinatologist and having a 4D scan to that showed nothing. At this point she is in the hospital to have her blood pressure monitored. When it gets to a point where they can't control it she'll have a c-section. Makes my GD seem like nothin. So think of her and send good thoughts and prayers her way. I'm waiting for her to let me know she wants visitors and then I'll be there ASAP.

As for Valentine's, we skipped the crowds on Saturday and decided to go out Sunday night. Ethan gets points for arranging a sitter, but then he kinda stalled due to my special diet. Apparently everything revolves around food for us--at least food we can consume at a real restaurant without a 3 yr old. We saw Paul Blart Mall Cop which was funny. It was the only movie we could agree on. I just can't handle his shoot 'em up movies, especially when I'm pregnant. I just need everyone to love eachother right now:) As it was, the baby did not like how noisy the movie was and did not stop moving the entire 1.5 hrs. Then we went to Chevys were I had a....drum roll please...salad. I did consume some chips and salsa first, and even with those my #s were good. Still...salad. UG. Today we were low on groceries and I accidentally missed my snack so I knew my #s were gonna be a mess, and I asked Ethan to go to Subway. High #s. Such a bummer. I'm running out of stuff to eat!

I got Ethan a gift certificate to an indoor wind tunnel type thing, kinda like skydiving but inside and MUCH safer! He has skydived before (against my wishes) but won't do it now that he is a daddy. But it was totally fine to do with a wife and no life insurance :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Here are our Valentiny photos for Liz's bloggy friend thingy--I can' remember if we were supposed to post these earlier or not...I could totally be late. I made pink rice krispie treats (they were supposed to be red) for Ryan's preschool class, and our playgroup party. A few days ago Ryan made Valentine cookies with Grandma. I have a really cute Valentine wreath on our door and some decor on the mantle but you do not want to wait for me to walk downstairs, take the pictures, come back upstairs, upload them, etc. Hope everyone has a great ay!

GD update

After two days of being a GD diet rockstar, I'm having some issues. For example, I woke up with a really high sugar this morning before eating. No idea why. Then I eat the same breakfast I had yesterday and had fantastic numbers with, and am 20 pts higher...annoying. I really don't want to be on insulin but I know that is the next step if I can't control it with diet. I just hate that I'm following the program exactly and it might not work. I went to Ryan's playgroup Valentine's party today and DID NOT EAT ONE COOKIE OR CUPCAKE. I even brought my own lunch...I had a wheat tortilla with cheese and turkey, and some grapes. I even made 3 batches of pink rice krispie treats and did not eat a piece. Not even a taste. For all I know they could have tasted terrible :)

Its almost 2:30 and Ryan finally fell asleep--totally late. He was in his room singing some "i love you song" he learned at preschool. Unfortunately that means he is barely going to get an hour nap and he is going to be absolutely lovely this evening and I'm already tired...and hungry. Snack time 30 minutes!

Glad I'm not the only one with the Isla/Amy issue. I even went so far as to mock a TV announcer who said Isla was the star of the new Shopaholics movie. I laughed and waited to see how long it would take the network to correct it. LOL. Man, I've got an ego! For anyone who is interested, the Shopaholics series by Sophie Kinsella are hysterical. Light reading, total chic lit and a great way to jump back into books if you haven't read in a while. The movie clips seem a little over the top or too goofy but that could be just me. I'll be seeing it anyway.

Bring on the protein

I met with the nurse and dietician yesterday. They were very nice and didn't try to scare me into following the program. If I can manage this with diet then it shouldn't be a big deal at all. Ofcourse they have to mention all the things that "could" go wrong and that is scary. Anothing scary thing is they weighed me with shoes on...OMG. It was also so lovely to hear that I was overweight for my height before I got pregnant. Thanks again.

The diet is easy in the sense that they give you a sheet, tell you what food group to eat from and you just pick. The bad thing is that the list of stuff to avoid is about 20 miles long. I also feel a bit cheated because I'm not someone who drinks a lot of soda. Caffeine and I are not friends and it will keep me up til 4 in the morning. Even when I'm not pregnant, I usually only drink soda or iced tea when I'm out. But hey, on this program diet soda is free. I could have all I want. Too bad diet soda makes me want to puke...ug. Aspartame and splenda are dead to me. And since any type of juice is a big no-no I'm left with water...which is fine, but I do need a bit more variety. Milk counts as a carb so I tend to think why waste a carb on a small glass of milk, but thats just me. Right now I'm finishing up some hot tea (caffeine free) and its a free option...but man I would like a big glass of milk right now.

The other free items are proteins and veggies. Totally not my favs...which is why I was overweight when I got pregnant. I see the link...I see it. I don't like it, but I see it. Someone telling saying you can eat all the meat and veggies you want would sound delightful to someone like Ethan but for me, whose favorite food is a veggie burrito, not so much. I'm working on it.

Yesterday for my snack I had a light yogurt. For dinner I had 1/3 cup of pasta which is NOTHING, 1 piece of french bread, and 3 meatballs. I opted for bread instead of adding an extra 1/3 cup of the pasta. Oh, and I had green salad--gag. I just don't like lettuce. But with the salad and the 3 meatballs, I wasn't hungry after. When my night snack came around I had 6 crackers with peanut butter and a cheese stick. So, it seems like a lot of food, just spaced out.

For breakfast today I had a wheat english muffin w/ one egg and some cheese. They want you to eat starches in the morning and prefer you not to have cereal, plus ofcourse PROTEIN. For some reason women with GD do not handle cereal well in the AM. I am allowed to have it as a snack later...which is coming up in about 30 min.

So far my #s have been good, nothing over what they should be. My fasting or over night numbers are great.

Totally random: is it just me or does Isla Fischer from the new Shopaholics movie look like Amy Adams from Enchanted?

Apparently its not that big a deal after all

Today I saw my OB. I was dreading the GD lecture, and possibly a weight lecture, and whatever else she had to throw at me. I've been feeling pretty beat up about it, probably because Ethan thinks he is the sugar nazi. I on the other hand have decided to eat up and after Monday I'm hard core on the "Sweet Success" program. I'm not kidding...that is the name. Freakin ironic. So, I was in a "bring it on" kind of mood. I had done tons of research and was ready...

FOR....NOTHING. Turns out the doctor didn't even know. She asked me when I did the sugar test and I was trying to remember, and all I could say was "9 days before your office called and said I failed." Then I remembered it was a holiday Monday. So she starts telling me to do the 3 hr. Major confusion. I tell her I failed the 3 hr, she checks the file and its not in there because the info was faxed over to Sweet Success and they were awaiting my insurance authorization. I tell her I have an appointment with SS on Monday and that is the end of it.

I ask her if there are any delivery issues with GD, waiting for her to tell me she won't let me go past due, and she says not if I manage it correctly. I can go two ways: manage it with diet, or eat whatever and use insulin. I ofcourse do not want to give myself shots and tell her I'll manage the diet. She agrees but actually told me some women prefer to just use the insulin. No thanks. And that was it...except for noting my 4 lb weight gain and saying it had been 3 weeks when it had been 4 wks since my last visit...but whatever. I was well within my range at this point. And now, at 31 wks I get to start the every 3 wk appointments, and Ryan goes off track the 19th so I'll have to get a sitter for that because heck no am I bringing him with me. I also have to get insurance info about possibly doing a circ and if they cover it, and who has to do it since our ped doesn't affiliate with that hospital. Cuz, like, I'm having a baby soon.

natural

I got an interesting comment this morning. It was almost a compliment, or started out that way, I'm just not sure. Yesterday I was at our local outlet mall (don't be excited, it kinda sucks) buying more gigantic bras at the "special" store. Ofcourse I went over to Carters and OshKosh because I"m looking for a coming home outfit for the baby. Do not even get me started on how Ethan thinks that is lame, or how he wouldn't spend $30 on the cutest outfit ever at BRU. Whatever. I'll be getting it next week :) And, for those of you that think $30 is a lot, I tend to agree, but I also had Ryan's 1 month picture taken in his outfit so it was worn twice...and now has a special place in a shadow box with the hat from the hospital, his bracelets etc.

**note: i have the shadow box but said items are not technically in there yet...its the thought people :)

So, while on the other end of the mall I saw the Tuesday Mornings was going to open today at 8am. I drop Ryan off at 8:30 so I thought I would head over there to see what they have. We are still in search of an area rug for under our dining room table, and possibly a small kitchenette table (if I can convince Ethan). Turns out there was nothing really of interest. One possible rug but it tended more toward the blues and I wasn't sure that was the direction I was heading in.

Anyway, I'm in the toy and baby aisle and this women says to me "you look really_______" i can't remember exactly if she said good, nice, beautiful or what. I automatically knew it was "you're pregnant and you look ok" kind of a comment because I was not dressed super nice or anything like that. Just jeans, a long sleeved white shirt w/ a turquoise tee over that. Nothing fancy. I said thank you, that I didn't feel that way, but appreciated her comment. Then she starts going on and how how women need to be told they look good, especially when pregnant, which almost made me think it was a pity comment. And then she dropped the bomb: i can't remember the exact quote but it was along the lines of: "women need to know they can look good and be NATURAL." That was me, no make up, hair not done...pretty darn natural. I don't know, it just rubbed me the wrong way.

Off to do a zillion loads of laundry!

The GD

Wednesday I got the call that I failed the 3 hr glucose and have gestational diabetes. Before the shock and worry could take over I was ANGRY. It took them 9 days to let me know. The last time it took 2 days. I was there on a Monday and heard them tell another patient the doctor would have results by Wednesday but could call early if they wanted and sometimes they are done. 9 freakin days. Ofcourse since I didn't hear anything I assumed I passed.



All the girl tells me from my doctor's office is that my levels are still high and that she is referring me to a nutritionist in another city. I'm pretty sure there are nutritionists in that city or hey, even the city I actually live in but whatever. About 10 mins later I get the call from the program. She is all full of information, says I need to get in ASAP, I'm already 30 wks blah blah blah. Then she wants to confirm my insurance info which is wrong. They had me on Medi-Cal. I told her no, I have Blue Cross. She asks if I'm sure. I'm sure. Then came the junk about needing an authorization because its an HMO so I get scheduled for Feb 9th. Apparently its not such a rush after all if I don't have state paid for insurance. Um...ok. So now I have to meet with a nutritionist and nurse for about 2 hrs on my initial visit. I didn't even ask how long my other "visits" are going to be because I don't want to know.



I did some research on the net (diabetes organizations, mayo clinic and web md) and they all said the same thing. Basically its sounds like modifiying my diet and checking my blood up to 4x a day. Not too excited about that. Diabetes does run in my family, but GD is different. A lot of people that get it have no family history and it doesn't have anything to do with their weight. There is no real explanation of why it happens to someone only during pregnacy. Either I''m not producing enough insulin or my body isn't processing what I do produce correctly.



I can manage the diet and checking my blood. Since I do not plan on having another child I don't have to worry about the stats that say it would most likely happen to me again. There is a greater chance for me to develop it as I get older, but with the family history I have you would never know what really caused it. A positive is that from what I read I will not be allowed to go past my due date, but a negative is that I will most likely be induced. I've done that before and know what to expect but wanted to see what happens when you actually go into labor on your own. Oh well.



The scary things are that the baby will have to be monitored after birth, and Ethan does not do well with people taking blood from his little baby. Ryan had it done 3 days in a row because of jaundice and Ethan had to leave the room. That means he left me with a screaming infant when all I wanted to do was scream myself. Ethan said he thought he was going to punch the person that was making his baby cry--cute--but I needed help. There is the possibility that the baby will need sugar water either from a bottle or IV. The IV would suck. I know getting a bottle that early could cause problems with nursing, but his health is way more important than that. He needs to be able to maintain a normal blood sugar on his own, just light maintaining weight and temperature. Plus, I had problems with Ryan and only lasted a month anyway and I think I am finally over the guilt of not exclusively breastfeeding. If this is a 100% formula fed baby, so be it. Hopefully baby's sugar levels will be normal on the first try and we won't need to deal with any of that, but they are possibilities I need to be ready for. There is also the possibility of him having to go to the nursery for monitoring and that would just make me sad.

I was trying to explain all of this to Ethan and as soon as he heard the baby needed blood taken and possibly an IV he flipped out and accused me of giving our baby diabetes. Needless to say the discussion ended there and I didn't speak to him til the next day. How dare he? I forwarded him all the research I had to prove to him that this is nothing I did on purpose but by the way, thanks for making me feel like crap. Love ya.

Now it all seems to have sunk in and I see my doctor on the 5th. Hopefully I'll get more concrete info then. **this just in, my mom called to tell me that the hospital they are sending me to is a Kaiser hospital and I don't have Kaiser. honestly...