Mini meltdown

I guess things have just caught up to me and I had a mini meltdown today. Poor Ethan. He works his ass off, and does not need to come home to a crazy wife. He was at work at 7am yesterday and didn't get home til 9. Today it was more normal, but dealing with an almost 3 yr old with a new DEMANDING personality has not been pleasant. Everything is "do this" or "give me this" or "i need that." I spend my entire day correcting him, but it doesn't seem to take. STUBBORN. I talk about using nice words and how daddy does not like it when he is mean to mommy. Then there is his attitude to the dogs who he says he loves. Several times a day he is on time out for pushing them out of his way or chasing them with a chair. And to top today off, he peed in his underwear and shorts twice. Twice. Both times within 5 min of me asking him if he needed to use the potty. We had a screaming match (I am not proud of) about him needing to wear diapers again if he was going to act like a baby. He doesn't want them and says he is a big boy, I am just tired of dealing with pee clothing in general.

Then there are the ants. I have spent the last few days cleaning out cabinets, which means my entire counter space and island are full. I feel like I can't move around in the kitchen. Its making me chlostrophobic. I don't want to spray ant stuff in the house while i'm pregnant, and with Ryan and the dogs, but it seems to be a losing battle. Ethan keeps spraying outside but nothing is working. Today there was a trail from the sink, across the counter, down to the floor, and around the corner. And Ethan didn't notice it this morning! I am just tired of ant clean up.

I panicked today about having 2 kids. Doesn't it seem a little early for that? I am a very realistic person and feel like I am prepared. We had a very hard first year with Ryan, and I figure if I can do that, I can do it again. Ofcourse I'm hoping to fix the sleep issue much sooner than that, but just in case, I know what I am capable of. My family is here, and I know I'll have lots of help. But on a day like today when nothing seems to be right, I just wonder if I can do it, actually no, I know I can do it, but can I do it well? And really what else could have made today better, but having no bras that fit. We seem to be hitting critical mass very early. The problem is that I am already large chested and most stores only carry one cup size larger than my normal size. This means I'm going to have to hit the "special" stores and pay lots of money for a bra--that I will outgrow in a few months and need another. And another.

Wow, pity party for me. I think I'm just tired. I was up 4x with Ryan last night for no reason. And when I went to check on him he would just scream demands at me. I need a good nights sleep tonight. We will have to start CIO again. Sad, but after a week of sleeping with us the transition is super hard and he needs to know he has to go back to sleep on his own. We also need to really discuss the transition from crib to bed. I am petrified. PETRIFIED. But, our crib was recalled and I have to dismantle it before I can get the voucher for the new one. Once they send us the voucher we only have 6 months to use it at BRU. I was hoping to wait til we found ou the gender of this baby because if it happens to be a girl I would like to get a white convertible crib. Either way we're getting a convertible this time because I've looked at the cost of beds and WOW. We have a place here called Kids Cribs and Teens which is an "alternative" to Pottery Barn. A regular twin bed, no matress was $500. It was nothing special, just a bed frame and headboard.

I digress. Ethan is getting Ryan out of the tub. The night is almost over. I'm going to relax, look at my ultrasound photo and pray for a better tomorrow :)