Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Let's hope for better

Luke turned 3 weeks old yesterday. At first I thought time was going by slow, then realized he is one week away from being a month old...a month seems huge. Then I think 11 more and he'll be 1. From someone who wanted Ryan's babyhood to go by quickly, mostly because people lied to me and said he would sleep better, I think I will be sad when the baby part really does end. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to more sleep. Even more, I'm looking forward to a schedule. Ryan did so well once we got onto a sleep schedule, unfortunately that took a year, so the prospect of starting a schedule much earlier is exciting. I hope Davis' program works as good for babies as it does toddlers.

Ryan still says he loves his brother, but he has definately been pushing limits the last few days. Yesterday I was already exhausted and it was just 100x worse with his attitude and constant defiance. I was ready to lock him in his room, except there is no lock. Insert tantrum we just had over him wanting more "coffee" which is milk, sugar, and a little decaf. Telling him we don't have anymore was not enough and he was getting into my face which I HATE. I'm having personal space issues since I started nursing. Yesterday Luke was on my lap for about 6 hrs straight. Honestly. Usually I can get him to nap if I swaddle him, but not yesterday so he was either eating or sleeping on me and it makes me feel chlostrophobic--not to mention my butt was asleep.

I have now officially breastfed longer than I did with Ryan. Still pretty sure I won't make it an entire year, but I'm going one day at a time. Luke had a bottle last night so I could shower and just get a break. Instead of taking a shower I chose sleep so let's hope I get a shower today :) He seems fine with formula and doesn't mind the bottle so that is good. My dad is hilarious. He won't say breastfeed, so he says mother's milk. Then lectured me that babies on mothers milk can't be gassy or have colic. Not sure where he gets his info, but Luke is a gassy baby, and was way before he ever had any formula. Oh, dad also says babies on mother's milk don't need to be burped...i have no idea where he gets this info. We were all formula fed so I know its new for him but really, not his area so he can just get over it.

Today I managed to clean up the playroom so hopefully Ryan will play in there instead of bringing every toy out to the family room. I'm caught up on laundry, but its not put away. I have 3 more nights of meals for moms so I don't have to cook, and there are minimal dishes.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

My kids are sick

Luke is 2 weeks old and has his first cold. It is the most pathetic thing. Last night he got congested and today we already had a weight check scheduled. Turns out he has a low grade fever also. We went to the lab for bloodwork and everything was normal, thank goodness. Ryan woke up in the middle of the night coughing. His inhaler and cough medicine didn't seem to work, though the inhaler has worked this afternoon. He is working on a 2.5 hr nap. I went in and woke him up once but he wasn't into it, so hopefully he will come down on his own soon. My poor babies. He is sporting a fever of almost 101, though is acting fine besides the cough.

I feel like its a whole lot to process right now on no sleep, but we are doing the best we can. I begged (kinda) Ethan to try and take more time off. One week wasn't enough. I don't feel close enough to myself, besides having no appetite. The good part about that is I've lost 20 lbs already, though not in the best way possible.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Hangin in

I miss reading everyone else's posts and I will try to get back on track with that. Right now I'm on the laptop and it has none of my favorites so I just check e-mail and usually that is all the time I have.

Luke is actually taking a nap right now and I'm not holding him!!! He is in the swing but its turned off. This will seem odd but I swear its making me dizzy when its on, like it swings too fast and I get that vertigo feeling. I know, strange. Ryan loved that swing and spent a lot of time in it and it didn't bother me one bit. He still seems to constantly want to eat and I'm doing the "on demand" feeding but it is wearing me out. I just wish he would complete a feeding without falling asleep and be more efficient. I can't believe I said efficient...I am married to an engineer.

I am still having a hard time coping with the fact that I am the only one that can feed him, and by Luke's rules that means I am the only one that can really comfort him--which means Ethan can hold him about 10 min if he is awake and thats it. Cry = nurse and there is a lot of crying going on over here. Which just started again...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Luke is 1 week old

Luke had his weight check Tuesday morning, my first outing without Ethan. Man, the carseat is heavier than I remember. Anyway, Luke is 9 lbs, basically back to birth weight so that is good. For some reason when 8:00 pm rolls around he becomes a terrible feeder. He won't latch or won't stay, then gets all upset and falls asleep. I lay him down and then he is up 10 min later with the look of "i'm hungry feed me" followed by him falling asleep again. A vicious cycle. Finally at midnight last night I couldn't take it anymore, after 3 hrs of him being on and off that I gave him 2 ounces of formula and the kid slept 3 hrs! Woo hoo. The good thing is that I'm actually sleeping. With Ryan I had a hard time going back to sleep and would often times still be awake when he woke up 2 hrs laterI will keep up the bf as long as I can, that is the best I can do and I'm fine with that.

I haven't downloaded any new pics yet, but will have Ethan do that soon. Luke had his first bath which he screamed through. He hates to be naked, hates to be changed, and basically hates anything involved with clothing. He peed on our bed yesterday and again today. You'd think after already having a boy we would remember to cover him when we change him, but we forget. If he is completely full and asleep sometimes you can change him without screaming but its very rare.

Last night Luke had a formula festival. Someone told me he was trying to "cluster" feed at night, except for the fact that he wasn't actually eating. I was a human pacifier and that is a major no no for me. There are some things I just cannot take, especially in my exhausted state of mind, which now has added guilt due to me constantly telling Ryan I can't do something because I'm feeding brother. I know one day Ryan is going to explode about how all I do is sit on the couch and feed the baby. I feel so bad. Today he put up a fight about going to preschool and I got harsh with him, again feeling bad, but I know he loves it there. Then when I dropped him off he was so grumpy and I got tears in my eyes when I told him I loved him, and that Luke loves him, and was just trying to let him know everything will be OK. So, last night we did formula feedings over night and eventhough he still ate every 2 hrs, he went right to sleep when he was done--the feeding lasting a total of 20 min...not over an hour. I was able to change his diaper while he was in a formula coma and didn't have to hear the bird squeels or worry about him waking up Ryan. Other than waking up feeling like I was going to explode, it was good. I got some sleep, Luke got some sleep, Ethan slept...we'll see if this becomes a nightly ritual or not.

And now its time to pick up Ryan, which is ofcourse right about the time Luke needs to eat...why is it always like that?

Monday, April 13, 2009

Hi, I have 2 kids

If you did not check out the other blog, Luke Edward was born on Tuesday, April 7th at 6:10 p.m. and weighed a whopping 9 lbs 1 oz. Shout out to my doctor and Ethan: "I told you so." Ignore the ultrasound from 2 weeks ago all you want, but listen to a woman when she tells you the baby is big. Just listen. And before I go into the details, a quote from my doctor as she is stitching me up: "If we do this again, remind me so we can induce you earlier." Um, are you kidding me? Okay...

I called the hospital Tuesday morning and I was the only induction scheduled so we were able to go. Thank goodness because I have no idea what I would have done if they said no. Other than cry. We got to the hospital and had to go through registration, even though I was pre-registered. By the time I got to the room it was almost 9:00 and when I was in the bathroom putting on the lovely gown I heard my doctor was there already. She checked me and I was 2cm (I was 1 on Friday). The pill was inserted and the wait began. Occasionally contractions would show up on the monitor but I never felt them. The great thing was that I wasn't hooked to an IV so I could get up and walk. I also didn't have a catheter--I am deathly afraid of them after a very painful one and was hoping to wait to get it until after some pain meds.

I had two great nurses and she suggested getting my IV in and ready in case it took a while and if I progressed quickly she didn't want me in labor and trying to poke me. Good thing because after trying several times in a 2 hr span they finally got it. I have small, thin veins with a lot of valves (whatever that means). They ended up heating a blanket and wrapping my arm in it to make the veins pop out and that worked.

Around 12:30 the doctor came to give me a second dose. I didn't have much of a change by then, and was nervous she was gonna send me home if that dose didn't work. Then the contractions were more regular and I could feel them, about 6 min apart. They were totally manageable and we decided I should try to take a nap. We turned the lights off, closed the door, and Ethan fell asleep instantly. I would doze off then get woken up by a contraction. Then there was a distinct moment when I realized that was not 6 minutes. I was trying to see the machine and finally woke Ethan up to check it. 3 min apart, then 2 min apart and it was painful. I waited a while longer and called the nurse for some meds. In her opinion it was too early for the spinal. She didn't want it to wear off too quickly. She suggested walking around after checking me because I was progressing and she thought if I could get my water to break it would happen very fast. I had visions of standing in a puddle in the hallway but didnt care. Nurses are not allowed to break water, so she called the doctor to let her know and depending on her appts for the rest of the day she was either gonna sneak away and do it, or come at 5:00.

We walked and I had to stop every 2 min and cling to the wall. The contractions were bad and felt like they were getting closer everytime. I went back to my room and tried a shower to "relax" me...didn't work. I needed intervention. The nurse checked me and I was 6. Yipee!!! She said it was a great time for the spinal and I couldn't agree more. My contractions were 1-2 min apart and not pleasant. I was holding it together for Ethan's sake, but man, they were brutal. I was kind of writhing on the bed, probably not attractive at all, but I just couldn't find a comfortable position. Because this is an "inserted" medication you cannot turn it off like pitocin.

Mr. Spinal said he would be there in 30 min and seriously I thought I was gonna die. I even did the math in my head about how many more contractions I would have til he got there. The nurse gave me an IV pain med to take the edge off but it didn't do anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. So, I'm sucking it up, Ethan called my mom and sister and told them to make the 20 min drive over and again, more waiting.

Mr. Spinal showed up 30 min later, but his prepping everything took forever. Then, he had the nerve to answer his cell phone! He kept telling me to sit forward, sit back, move to the left, honestly, it was hell. I was leaning on my nurse, whimpering because I didn't want to cry outloud (you are welcome Ethan) and was in a lot of pain. She was a great nurse and kept telling me how good I was doing, that I should be proud of myself. I kept apologizing for acting like a big baby and I remember her saying "baby it hurts you complain all you want." Finally, the spinal was in. They laid me down on my back quickly and my legs were already numb. About 5-10 min later I was in a good place. I was ready to rest and take a nap. My mom and sister were there and all was good with the world...until the shakes.

I remember the shakes after the epidural I got with Ryan so I thought it was no big deal. The nurse asked if I was cold and I said no, then she said those aren't spinal shakes those are "complete" shakes. As in 10 cm complete have a baby kind of shakes. And my first thought was, are you telling me I basically went through an entire labor with no pain meds? WOW. She checked me and yes, it was time. She called the doctor who was on her way already and bam time for baby.

Thank goodness I didn't want any longer for the spinal because they would have said it was too late. The contractions were still 1-2 min apart but I felt nothing. It is the weirdest sensation to have someone grab your legs and you watch them do it, but not feel it. They were worried I wasn't going to be a good pusher since I couldn't feel anything but oh well. No way I could have pushed him out without meds. No way.

The entire pushing was about 30 min, much quicker than Ryan's over 2 hrs. But, things got a little scary, the magnitude I didn't really get until after it was over. First they gave me oxygen, then there was a quiet discussion about the baby's heart rate, I kept asking and everyone said he was fine. Then there was a request for a pediatric respitory team. More discussion of heart rate which was not quiet. Then a vacuum. Then a request for a bigger vacuum and the doctor telling me I had to deliver him now, we could not wait. I couldn't do more than push like I had been with her telling me if they were effective or not. I heard the head was out, and then the doctor said something about shoulder distosia, and that he was stuck and literally the nurse pushed my mom out of the way, almost dove to my stomach and dislodged him by pushing hard on my pelvic bone. It was so weird to watch since I felt nothing and all I can say is that nurse rocks...and thank goodness I did not feel that!

Luke's respiratory nurse said he was fine as soon as she heard him cry. This boy is loud. He has an ear piercing scream that sounds like a bird you would hear in a tropical rain forest. After they weighed him I heard my doctor say wow. Then she spent a lot of time "fixing" me.

Needless to say this has been a very slow recovery. I could barely walk the first few days. My sugars have not gone back to normal, but yes Flynn, I had 2 donuts and they were delightful :). I have a never ending headache, among other "injuries" that I cannot even discuss. I spent the night in the hospital but decided to come home after that. They weren't doing much but
checking my vitals anyway. I look pale and am on iron supplements. Today, the 6th day, I am up and around more. I made my own lunch and am learning to not be so dependent on Ethan because he goes back to work tomorrow. I have to say that eventhough labor and delivery scares Ethan and he doesn't say much during the process, and I know he would rather not be there, he has been the best dad and husband.

I am breastfeeding. I did not have such a reaction to it like I did with Ryan. I am trying to keep it up to generate a good supply, then hopefully will start pumping soon. I am having that feeling that breastfeed is all I do all day. I find it hard to start anything-like a shower-because I'm worried Luke will decide he needs to eat again and scream and don't want to put Ethan in that position. Also, his screams terrify Ryan. Sometimes I'm feeding every 20 min because he fell asleep during, sometimes its an hr, sometimes 2...I just have no idea and I hate that. Its not like with a bottle where I could go take a leisurely shower and not worry. I just worry. I actually think Ethan kinda wants to give him a bottle and has offered. One night he did take 2 ounces of formula so I could get some sleep because his days and nights are mixed up and I had been up for about 3 days.

Ryan has been a bit more cranky, but other than that, seems to love his brother and wants to always pet his head and check on him. With Ethan at work tomorrow it will be interesting. He tells us he yuves baby yook. he is still on his basic schedule and taking naps. he thinks its unfair that Luke gets to sleep in our room when he can't, but we remind him that Luke wakes up a lot and cries and Ryan hates his hungry cry.

Speaking of, there seems to be a lot of squirming coming from his favorite nap spot-the carseat. Last night he actually went 2 whole hrs between feedings, and is just waking from about a 2 hr nap where no one had to hold him. Yay! Another plus is that he does not need a pacifier to fall asleep. Time to go feed the chunky monkey. We're doing a weight check at the ped tomorrow so I will fill you in. The other blog site has some pics up.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Can you believe

that we are sick again? Honestly, like the two week cold in February wasn't enough? I hoped it was allergies, but then Ethan and I both woke up Monday feeling sick. Bummer. With their allergies and asthma you just never know, especially since we've had high winds for days. But once I got it I knew. So, Ryan was off track for a month, goes back to school for 1 day and now we are all sick. Where is this immunity he is supposed to be building? Ryan's runny nose seems to be gone, so I'm hoping he can go to school tomorrow. He already missed yesterday. His main problem is the cough at night. As soon as he lays down, BAM. Its an asthma thing. He didn't nap yesterday either because he was coughing so much and I couldn't give him any more meds and/or mix meds. I'm one of those parents who reads the labels...go figure. There have been a lot of changes lately in kids OTC meds. Luckily I remembered what Ryan was allowed to have before they changed the labels. I understand trying to protect kids from overdosing, but most of what I read said it was parents giving babies doses for kids without talking to their doctor. What the heck? Ryan didn't get cough/cold meds til he was 18 m, with his doctor's approval and dosing. I don't like to drug him up, but when you are coughing and can't sleep you need it.

I'm feeling a little better today so I hope that means this isn't a long cold, just a few days. I keep telling the baby to ignore all my other requests to come out, that its not a good time right now. I need some time to recover my energy.