I must confess

I have done some things I am not too proud of lately. Here they are, in no particular order.

1. I watched that choir competition on TV. I know...please don't stop being my friend. I got sucked into it. It's really not my fault, its the stupid writer's strike. There is nothing good on TV. And Nick Lachey is cute. In my defense (kind of) I only watched Monday, but I will confess that instead of watching the results on Tuesday I watched....Real Housewives of the OC. Honestly, I am ashamed to type that. Then it was back to the choir show on Wednesday. I need help.

2. I went to the Dancing With The Stars Live Tour....with my mom, and her friend...the "golden girls." To add to the injury, it turned into a Wayne Newton concert because he couldn't dance. So i've added about 50 yrs to my life and will be sprouting a grey bee hive any minute.

3. I went in public without a bra. There is no excuse but I do have an explanation. Our sink decided it would be down right awesome if both sides filled up with water. Water that would just drain from one side into the other with the disposal running. The smell was horendous. I had dirty dishes all over my counter waiting to be cleaned. It was just not cool. In a decision not to dirty any unnecessary dishes I decided we needed to go to a drive thru and it had to be quick. It was already 11:30, we don't live near any drive thrus. I also needed to hit the ATM. So, it was me in sweats and a very large tshirt and sweatshirt. I made sure not to get out at the ATM with anyone there, but still, not a high moment in my life. I DID BRUSH MY HAIR BEFORE WE LEFT. So, technically the only person that saw me was the drive thru guy at KFC--but still. My grandma would be mortified.

In other news, Ryan has napped the last 2 days :) and I'm taking pictures and will steal the idea of a holiday home tour and show you some of my decorating soon.

Tis the season for...

1. Colds. Yuck. Ryan had a runny nose and was congested for over a week. We are lucky that he doesn't let colds stop him. He still eats well (totally from Ethan's side of the family) and plays. And he actually took a few naps on my lap because ofcourse, I didn't put him in his crib for rest time and let a sick kid cry for an hour--even though my dad (aka Dr. Spock) probably thinks I did. BUT I DIDN'T. For an entire week, or more, there has been no rest time, for either of us. It was tough. That relates to night time...because again, couldn't let him cry if he woke up. He would float away in a sea of snot I'm pretty sure. So, we had about 5 nights of him sleeping in our bed at some random time in the night. And on those lovely nights he would take him about an hour to settle in, after I told him he couldn't have a lollipop (duh) or honk my nose or sit up and ask to watch TV. Good times. Then came the time to say no more in our bed. He was no longer sick. I actually think he got an extra night already and I knew it was going to be hard. Man, was I right. My little man is hoarse from all of the crying he has done the last two nights. I feel terrible...really I do, but I know its for his own good. Luckily last night he only woke up once and was back asleep in 10 minutes. Please no more colds!!! And I hope he hoarse throat clears soon because I can't let him cry for rest time...ug.

2. Holiday parties. Usually fun. We get to see friends we don't see all the time. We had a gift exchange with my friends from college. We do a "favorite things" theme (yes i stole it from Oprah). Ryan's new word is "home" so whenever we go anywhere he likes to stand at the door, cry and say "home." It really is lovely. And I CONSTANTLY have to explain that its just his personality...a bit grumpy, or some would say he is a thinker. Very serious. Yes, we have tons of pictures of him smiling and he is a beautiful child, but moody as you would not believe. So while all the other kids are running around playing he is at the door crying. Again, good times. But I got a fabulous ultra suede photo album that can actually be used for scrapping as well and I think my wedding pics finally have a home. Not a scrapbooked home, but a home none the less because I'm sure one day when I have "free time" I'll get around to it.

3. Shopping. I do love to shop, but not with a 2 yr old. My mother in law has been watching Ryan about twice a week so I can go to the gym...which has turned into shopping (remember, Tis the season). You would not believe how fast I can shop without a child (ofcourse you would, you are all moms). Honestly, its fantastic. I only have two more people to buy for and they are probably going to get gift cards because they are hard to shop for. And...most of my stuff is wrapped or in bags. Yeah for me. How I did this with hardly any sleep (almost falling off my bed that was dominated by a 2 yr old and husband) and just general sleep/sick anxiety I will never know.

4. Christmas decor. Yeah! Love it. Sadly we did the fake tree again this year. What is even more sad is that our tree is only half decorated, as in the the top to the middle. Why you might ask? Should I mention the 2 yr old again? Or the 2 dogs? Enough said. I even have to barricade the tree when we leave, just in case the plastic eating dog is hungry. But still, at night when the lights are on its pretty. I got a little more festive this year since I had a little more time (not just moved and living with boxes like last year). I have some ribbon above the mantle where there is a weird insert for pics I guess. I put a wreath there (still needs to be decorated) but its kinda cute how it is. I put garland on the stairs and even tied bows on the bottom bannister. Bows I made myself! My friend and I made a wreath for my front door and it rocks.

5. Food. Can't wait for the pies!

We even parent different

Duh. Why did I write that? Obviously since we are so different we parent different. Ethan just pointed that out on Saturday night and it really was the first time I paid attention. Honestly, I've got too much going on. And if anyone was wanting a nap report...one normal nap since Thanksgiving (2 hrs)...2 semi naps of about 30 minutes after crying first. THIS IS SUPER FUN. REALLY. COME TO MY HOUSE AT NAP TIME. ITS A BLAST. WE GO BETWEEN WHINING TO SAYING DADDY TO SAYING NO TO JUMPING IN THE CRIB LIKE ITS A TRAMPOLINE. And, I'm supposed to ignore it. Give him an hour...

Saturday night we drove to another town that was having a tree lighting and lighted boat parade. Totally up Ryan's alley. After a dinner of popcorn and gold fish (shi shis) we walked around killing time. I kept asking Ryan if he was hungry or wanted a drink and he kept giving me a dirty look. Finally Ethan said that is the difference between you and me. I wait til he tells me he wants something or wait til he fusses and then figure it out. I said yes, that is the difference. I tend to want to hold of the "fussing" because its really not fussing, its more of a full blown tantrum and since I get the pleasure of experiencing them M-F on my own...I kinda get tired of them. Basically, he thinks my questions bug Ryan.

Sure. Blame the mom. I'm the worrier, always wondering if he's hot or getting sick. I don't know why, its just me. I try to contain it as best I can. But hey, even "cool dad" hasn't been able to get him to nap SO THERE.

Speaking of parenting, I'm getting flack from my dad for putting Ryan in his crib to "rest" since he won't nap. Apparently, my dad has become Dr. Spock since becoming a grandpa. I don't know why he feels the need to give advice when he has no idea what the hell he is talking about. My dad was a different kind of parent...the 1970's dad...he worked, he provided for the family. Normal parenting duties were not his thing. This is nothing against him, but its true. He didn't give us baths or put us to bed, or even change diapers. He knows nothing of toddler schedules or meals. He worked, sometimes he had 2 jobs. He didn't go to doctor appointments. He worked, he came home, he ate dinner, he rested, then went to bed. At some point in time he disciplined us and attended some sporting events.

I totally give him credit for taking care of the family. He worked hard, my parents bought their house when they were 21 and 25 yrs old. My dad has an AA from junior college. It wasn't easy for them I'm sure, but we always had what we needed, and then some. So i'm not blaming or knocking him, I just don't understand why he is trying to help in an area where he has no experience. NONE.

Ofcourse I don't like listening to Ryan whine in his crib...but he woke up at 5:00am....he is tired. We all need a break. And actually (crossing fingers) he is quiet now and might be asleep. It feels like a battle of wills sometimes. How does a 2 yr old keep up with me? He is a stubborn little man and I keep thinking this is for his own good...I think I can I think I can!

How did we end up together?

Today I'm at the gym, being irritated at the Ipod. Well, not the Ipod, more like Ethan because during my non gym phase a few months ago (when my brother went back to work and I lost my babysitter) Ethan decided he was going to "borrow" my Ipod and use it when he went to the gym. So, he downloads a bunch of his music on it, then never uses it. I'm back at the gym because my mother in law retired (YEAH) and she comes over twice a week to watch Ryan. Total Score.

I'm on the treadmill, staring out into the strip mall, thanking God that I don't have to go to a laundromat (washing machine, dryer, and dishwasher might be the best inventions ever) and realize I'm spending way too much time switching songs. Why you might ask? Because Ethan's music taste is about as far away from mine as possible.

Now, I like some kick ass music when I work out. I admit that. Something has to keep me motivated or there is no way I can stay on the ellyptical for 25 min. But seriously, our tastes are so different it amazes me we are a couple...neverthless a married couple for 8 yrs, and we've been together for 15!

Here are some examples of what he put on the Ipod:
Limp Bizkit
Kid Rock
White Stripes
Johnny Cash
And lots of other music that is loud. I can't remember the name of the group that sings "Like a Stone"...you know, where you can't understand the singer cuz he mumbles so badly. Well, they are on there too. There's lots more...I'm just forgetting.

Oh wait...the soundtrack from The Last of the Mohicans. WTF? I hope you are thinking WTF cuz I was when that music started playing. Because music that people die to is really motivating.

And it just made me wonder how the hell we got together in the first place. We don't like the same music, or the same extra curriculuar acitivities, or movies...or food...I'm just trying to figure out if its weird, or if thats why we've managed to stay together this long. If we were too alike would we bore eachother to tears? Ethan is mild mannered and calm, you can't rattle him easily. I ofcourse am emotinal, get upset, and am what he calls "fiesty." I think he needed a fiesty woman, but thats just me.

I read a ton, he has probably read less than 5 books in our 8 yrs of marriage. I would like a nice romantic comedy or drama and he likes movies where there are explosions and elaborate fights and car chases and lots of people have to die. As for food, I could do without meat (except for hamburgers). For him its not a meal if there is no meat. For vacation, he would plan activities for every minute. I would like maybe one every other day, and like to chill out on the beach with a book the rest of the time. He cannot sit still for 5 seconds. Maybe thats why we didn't go to the beach much...he would hound me to play frisbee and I just wanted to SIT.

Never knew an Ipod could be so thought provoking did you!

Thanks...and nap strike and blood and eggs

Its a bit late, but Happy Thanksgiving. We had a nice gathering here because its easier for Ryan to do it here, our house is bigger, blah blah blah. It just means a lot of cleaning for me but at least I don't have to make a turkey. Mom takes care of that. I am only responsible for the greenbean casserole. Yum.

I am thankful for a lot of things, especially my family and friends, and ofcourse, my happy, healthy little boy. We really are blessed. I really have been thinking about that a lot lately. When Ethan wrecked his "fun" car it really didn't matter. Its a luxury, not a necessity. When it was time to renew our health insurance and the cost went up a little, oh well. We have good insurance! Ryan had another off night where he was up from 2:30-4am and I was freaking out, but a friend reminded me to breathe. Those things happen and it will pass. And though I'm not letting him sleep with us again, it was so cute to roll over and watch him sleep. He looks so peaceful, and sleeps just like his daddy.

Something I'm not too keen on is the nap strike. Ryan hasn't taken a nap in 4 days. How do you go from 2hr naps to no nap? Please tell me. I am not ready for the no nap stage. At this age he does not understand the "rest" time either. But, I need a break, he needs to wind down whether he sleeps or not. I'm hoping this all magically gets fixed when Ethan goes back to work. I'm not blaming him (kinda) but he has been home for 4 day...do you see a pattern? Ryan usually takes shorter naps on the weekends when daddy is home, but at least he naps. So, with the few nights of waking up and sleeping with us, there is also the fact that no alarm is going off at 5:30am, no one is being noisy in the morning (Ethan is noisy!!!), etc. Ryan has slept in til almost 7am. Unheard of. So, I hope (please please please) that his is just some weird schedule thing and that when Ethan goes back to work tomorrow Ryan will wake up around 6 and be tired enough to nap. Please. And yes, I would rather him get up at 6 and nap than get up at 7 and not nap. Call me crazy. He now had to go to bed earlier to counter act the no nap. It really is just a juggling act over here. But by 5:00pm we are all melting down.

We've had some interesting stuff going on here. My brother was at the local bowing alley (seriously, not much to do here) and there was a shooting in the parking lot. Thankfully my brother was inside and didn't even hear it, but when he went outside he wasn't allowed to drive the truck home because um...there was blood on it. GROSS. How do you go home and tell your dad you had to leave his truck in a parking lot because its part of a crime scene? Then when we went to leave today we noticed Ethan's truck got egged. Come on, people still do that? Really, there has to be something--anything else to do.

New words: Ryan said van and bunny yesterday!

One of those nights...

So, we had one of those nights last night. A night we hadn't had in quite a while. A year to be almost exact. First, I have to say I am grateful for the last year of sleep. It has brought back some of my sanity and I feel much more like myself, though still tired, it is nothing like it was before. NOTHING. And I know its expected to have an off night here and there. And actually, in the year since we used the sleep consultant this is our fourth off night. I know! Only 4! By off, I mean I actually had to get out of bed in the middle of the night because Ryan was off his normal. That is the great thing about this program. Once you get started on the schedule you learn what your child's normal is. So, for Ryan it was normal for him to wake up and cry for 5 min or usually less. Most nights we don't hear a peep from him, but 5-10 min woudn't be a concern. And, its not really a cry. Its more of a whine, and at times I don't even think he is truly awake. This compared to every 2 hrs, or less, and an entire month in our bed. So, four off normal nights in one year is nothing. But I'm TIRED.

Last night was the fourth night of being off. And I have to admit this comes on the heels of me e-mailing the consultant and giving her an update on Ryan (how fabulous he has done!). Then he started the 5 min cry after we put him down...not during...but after we get downstairs. I told her I must have jinxed myself but she told me not to worry, he is getting older and protesting bed. No biggy. He is 2. Boy is he 2.

DID I MENTION I WAS TIRED. Today is the first day in months I made coffee. I've been mostly giving up the caffeine for the "half assed" diet. Ryan woke up at 1:30 and cried in spurts of a few minutes for an hour. Oh, I should also mention at 1:30 I hadn't yet been to sleep myself. I had been tossing and turning so maybe he caught my sleeplessness. Who knows. It really sounded like he woke up and just couldn't get back to sleep. There would be quiet for 15min and I would think he was asleep and then BAM it would start all over again. I couldn't take it anymore and checked on him. He was fine. No fever, not wet or dirty. Just one angry little man. Instead of changing his diaper and putting him back to bed I did a bad...I brought him to our bed. I really thought I could reason with him. Around 3:00am it really sounded like a good idea in my head. I said "Ryan lay down go nite nite." For 30 min I dealt with him touching my hair and saying "hair" and then he asked for a lollipop! By 3:30 I was officially off my rocker. I put him back in his room and more screaming ensued.

At some point Ethan went and got him and I heard him talking to him. He brought him back in our bed, I tried rubbing his back. Once he got comfortable he was out like a light. I had about one inch of matress and almost no blanket and no pillow. Ryan slept til 6:45 and opened his eyes wide awake. Its like he wakes up at 150% (only in the morning--nap wake ups are torture). I was a mess, needless to say. The worst part is I know that was wrong, but I did what I needed at the time. I needed reassurance he was ok. And I got that since he stopped crying the minute we went in and never cried once in our room. My fear of him being sick was gone.

It was just one of those nights. So, wish us luck for tonight. If he wakes up again I'm gonna have to be strong and let him go back to sleep on his own. Its so hard, but we've come so far and I can't turn back now. Still 4 nights in one year is AWESOME. And I am grateful for every single night. Truly I am. I would not lie about sleep...We have given him an important life skill by getting him to go to sleep on his own and sleep through the night. It really has changed our lives for the better, and I'm trying not to have anxiety about tonight. Just accept this little bump in the road and move on.

Some annoyances

Thanks everyone for the support on the speech delay. It is just something to get used to, but Ryan is progressing fantastically on his own. He is even starting to sign "more" and his vocaulary list is growing everyday. It really is a step in the right direction, and I'm hoping a few months of therapy will get him to where he needs to be. But...

The therapist assigned to Ryan called today. Her opening is Fridays at 12:15. Who wants that? Apparently no one, that is why it was offered to us. Are they completely clueless? This is a 2 yr old that needs a nap...oh, lunch is good too. Geez. Ryan usually starts his nap anywhere between 12-1, depending on what time he woke up. I hope I didn't sound like an ungrateful ass, but honestly, he is not going to be productive during these sessions if he is tired or hungry. I know my child. I know how far I can go with his schedule, and trust me, 12:15 (even if he has lunch first) is too late. That means he won't get into his crib til about 1:30 and that is just too late for a kid that normally wakes up at 6:00. Plus, lunch is an ongoing process. It can take him 30-45 minutes to finish. He is a grazer. I don't like it, but thats who he is. I quit fighting him about it long ago when I realized that fighting = him not eating. So, sometimes we start lunch at 11:30 and by around 12:30 he is done...that was what happened today. I cannot imagine trying to start an hour of therapy at 12:15. She was supposed to e-mail the other therapists to see if they had openings that were more convenient. *sigh*

And I have to write about this because I'm hoping some of y'all will say it has happened to you and not to worry. I took Ryan to Sears for his 2 yr pics yesterday. I made a 10:00 am appointment. Definately not in the way of lunch or nap. He had a snack before we left, all was good. He was so damn cute in his khaki pants and sweater vest. But there was meltdown after meltdown. First he saw the red car, the car he had his 18m pics in. I finally gave in and let him take a picture in the car. That would be the only picture she took. After 30 minutes of torture I told her to forget it and asked to see the picture. She said she couldn't sell it to me unless there were 6 poses. WTF? Come on...if I would have known that I would have told her to take pictures of him crying so we could meet our quota. I was just done. DONE. Embarassed. Exhausted. Done. I even bribed him with a lollipop and that didn't work. And because I am a terrible parent and let my frusteration get the best of me I said, "well, later you're gonna get a shot."

I know....terrible, but it was true. Ryan had his 2 yr check up yesterday. Again...super fun. He cries from the time the doctor walks in (he already had a pop before he came in) until the doctor leaves. No stopping. Crying in my ear. Terrible. He didn't do this in San Diego, but I only think that was because he wasn't old enough to know what was happening. For some reason 2 is this magical age where he knows everything. Like he knows now that we don't go to bed when he does, and he thinks he is missing something, so he has to cry for 10 minutes after we get downstairs. He doesn't cry when we lay him down or when we leave. He waits for us to get our dinner and start eating or watching a movie and them BAM, he has to let us know he is not happy about going to bed.
I also got a lecture from the doctor about not brushing his teeth good enough. In my defense I didn't brush them before we went, and he had eaten an orange and drank that veggie/fruit juice and I noticed he had orange stuff on his teeth. Gross, but I just didn't think to brush his teeth, so I'm sure they looked bad, but whatever. So, i'll wrestle him to the ground and do a better job. Lovely. When the doctor came back with the vaccine and flu shot I had given Ryan a lollipop to make the screaming stop and the doctor freaked out, told me sugar was the last thing he needed. WORST MOMMY RIGHT HERE EVERYONE. I AM TAKING A BOW RIGHT NOW.

Really, I've been a bit too complainy lately. So, to end on a better note, Ryan said "uncle" yesterday and my brother is so excited. He also said "light truck" for a truck that has flashing lights...thats right, 2 words together! He is signing "more" like crazy and if I'm doing something in the kitchen he will say "up sit" for me to pick him up and sit him on the counter. I love that little boy...but sure would love him to say mom :)

The speech evaluation

I have been avoiding this topic, and doing a damn good job of it I think. Especially because Ryan is going on a two hour nap so we know its almost over and I'll have to stop. There is no excuse other than I have been processing the information, and dealing with it. So I begin with the fact that I know its not that bad, please don't tell me things could be worse. I know that, I promise you I know that. I have a happy, healthy little man. I am thankful ( I promise) that he doesn' t have some terrible disease. Its a speech delay...a bump in the road. But why am I teary eyed as I type this? I think there are a lof of possible reasons, but the hardest has been having a professional tell me my little man isn't perfect. Now, I already knew he wasn't perfect. I spent a year getting up every 2 hrs...that is less than perfection, but there is something about having someone else say he isn't perfect and then having to agree with them. And by perfect I guess I mean "age appropriate."

First, I must say I am grateful to Early Start. This is a free program through the state that does evaluations for all sorts of "disabilities." Oh yes, that is another thing. I got a pamphlet on my disabled child and I wanted to scream. I know its all red tape and he has to have a label to get the free services, but still, it stings. Anyway, Early Start was a better option than going through our insurance--no referrals, no co-pays, no driving 45 minutes to the nearest therapist. When I called in August Ryan was 22 months with 0 words. ZERO. So, I really thought by the time they got here, 2 days before his birthday and him having at least 25 words, we were on the track to "all is fine."

Not so much. Backtrack...they sent three therapists and a case worker to our home which was great. Ryan was in his environment. There was a speech/language therapist, a fine/gross motor skills therapist, a behavior/cognitive therapist, and a case worker. They sat in a circle and did all sort of play things with Ryan while asking me questions. They were all so nice and friendly. I'm not just saying that. I felt at ease. But when it came to the end, Ryan scored a 12-15 month score in his expressive language. He was in the normal range for EVERYTHING else (including receptive language) which was 21-24 months. Now, I have to say that even shocked me because I consider him more "advanced" in his motor skills. He's been walking since he was 10 months and jumps on that trampoline like no one's business. He rarely falls, has good coordination, etc. Ofcourse its fine to be average, I was just surprised.

During the speech portion, the therapist would ask things like "have you noticed------?" My answer was usually no. No, I didn't notice he focuses more on vowels. No, I didn't notice he can use a consanant in the middle of a word, but can't use the same letter at the beginning. No, I didn't notice most of his 25 words are "situational." The guilt was creeping in...what kind of mom am I? How did I miss that? But then, a rational thought came over me. These rational thoughts are getting spooky (like when I didn't freak out that Ethan wrecked the car). I recognized that she has a nice little chart in front of her and she is marking stuff off. This is her job. She is supposed to notice this, I'm not. I'm the mom. I'm the cheerleader. I'm the one jumping up and down when he says a new word that I can understand. I'm not one for the technical.

So, Ryan qualified for therapy once a week, and it should be starting next month here at the house. He will do therapy for 6 months, then get re-evaluated. Another plan will be written if he needs more therapy, and if he is still in the program at age 3 he can go to an Early Start preschool. It really was a lot to take in, right before his birthday. That was also the same day the dogs ate the bread and I thought one of our dogs was going to die...and I lost it that night. I cried. I think I scared Ethan, but handling stress is not one of my better qualities lately.

The extra good news is that they did an autism screen and he was fine. The initial hearing test they performed was fine too. Anyway, we made it through 3 parties in 1 week (2 for Ryan, one for my sister in law the vet tech) and I'm physically and emotionally tired. But I cannot end this sounding so bummed so I'll share Ryan's new favorite word = POP, as in lollipop. He wakes up at 6am asking for a pop, and goes to bed at 7:30 asking for a pop. Its hilarious. And when he actually gets one the smile on his face is fantastic. He also is addicted to "oduce" (orange juice) lately which has made for some nasty diapers...but thats another story. All I can say is my kid loves him some fruit.

Bread, Anal Glands, Parties & Car Crashes

I'm sure I'm up for some kind of blog award with that title. The sad thing is I can connect them all :( It was a crazy week over here. Ryan had his speech evaluation but I'll get to that in a few days. I am still processing the whole situation. Onto bread.

My dogs (hmm...i think i've mentioned them before!) ate an entire loaf of Trader Joe's potatoe rosemary bread. #1 its bad for them...#2. thats my favorite bread, and the only white bread i eat so its a treat...and we were supposed to be having it that night with spaghetti and meatballs. Major bummer. Then the vomiting started. Shelby (the one who eats plastic and wood) seems to have an iron stomach and was not effected, though she skipped dinner which is unlike her. Nikki on the other hand, vomit factory. Large quantities of bread puke (sorry Liz). I should also mention that Ethan had just cleaned the carpets a few days prior. Yep. Fun stuff. I told Ethan to call his sister (our own personal vet tech) to see if we should be worried. He flaked, and I went on the internet to get some info. Its like when you are looking on Web MD and they say a sore throat can be allergies...or cancer. I read about dog bloat, which is their stomach getting all turned around and squeezed (apparently it isn't attached to something) and then they die. Other than the barfing she didn't have the other symptoms but I was terrified. Ethan finally called his sister after I told him we could possibly be just watching her die right in front of us. His sister was very concerned and had us feel her stomach and listen for sounds. Sounds are good. After a few more pukes we called two ER vets. One was worried about dough poisoning (not an issue since this was cooked bread--morons and the other said to bring her if we're worried. So helpful. What I wanted was someone to tell me IF ITS BLOAT SHE WOULD HAVE DIED ALREADY. By this point it had been 6-8 hrs after eating the bread. Ethan reasoned that if we drove her to the ER (30 min away) they would just watch her, just like we are...so I slept on the couch and Ethan went to bed. Nikki had her last barf at 12:15pm, ironically it was right onto the directions to the ER in case we needed them in the middle of the night. I got no sleep and was a nervous wreck. At some point she came and laid next to me and I knew she was ok. The next day both dogs ate and pooped so we were good...but ofcourse I texted my sister in law to make sure they were in the clear.

To add to this, I've had a weird sore throat on one side of my throat for a week. It just went away on Sunday. But I was dealing with that all week, and was hoarse and/or lost my voice a few of those days. I'm pretty sure its allergies...post nasal drip kind of stuff and I felt fine. Just one more thing.

2 days after the bread incident, Nikki was obsessively licking her butt. I finally got irritated enough that I checked to make sure all was ok down there (I'm such a mom) and lo and behold, there was a second butt. Apparently her anal glad ruptured. What? Yes, dogs have anal glands. I can give you a whole lot of info about them, but trust me, you don't want to know. I called my sister in law again (we are single handedly keeping that vet in business). I believe the conversation went like this:

Brandi: Hi, its me again
Sarah: What's wrong with Nikki?
Brandi: I feel stupid saying this, but I think Nikki has two butt holes.
Sarah: Uh oh, sounds like her anal gland ruptured.
Brandi: Um, gross....gag....
Sarah: Can you bring her in? We need to stitch that up and make sure it doesn't get infected. Then we'll "express" the other gland.

Super fun stuff. I had Ryan in the car within 20 min. We also had to take Shelby because I didn't have time to Shelby proof the house and it would have been plastic toy heaven for her. Oh, and this was about one hour from nap time. And its 30 min away. Did I mention we hadn't had lunch yet? Or showered? Awesome. We left Nikki with Sarah, and she had to have special anesthesia because of her liver issues, and cuz she is old. Then I took Ryan to McDonalds and hoped fries and nuggets would keep him awake on the car ride home. I called Ethan to give him the scoop--he had got my message but just couldn't deal with it. Like I could? Well, I managed to keep Ryan awake and got him down for a nap around 1:30. Not bad if I do say so myself. Sarah brought Nikki home that night with a sewed up butt and meds. I am happy to say she is fine. Though two nights ago I noticed a swollen pink bump on her lip...I'm not joking. Sarah thinks she might have been stung by something. Geez.

Onto Ryan's birthday party. We had about 30 people over Sunday, which means all week and Saturday were cleaning days, and ofcourse we had to carpet clean again due to the vomit. But, it was a nice time. We got a Spider Man jumpy house and the kids loved it. The cool thing was that there were only about 6 kids so it wasn't overwhelming. I decided to do appetizers from 2:30-6, like a drop in thing. I thought it would be less work. WRONG. It was way more work keeping up with the dips, quiches, brushetta, fruit, etc. I think I had too many varieties and grilling burgers would have been easier (especially since Ethan does the grilling). But oh well, my mom and sister helped a lot and now I know.

Car. At some point in the party Ethan's friend asked for a ride in the convertible. He ofcourse would never turn down the chance to show off his baby. After everyone was gone, he tells me something happened with the car. I immediately thought he hit my car as he backed out of the driveway. Turns out he accelerated into a corner, lost control and ended up on a median in our development, taking out a poor, defenseless tree. And the car looks yucky. Because it is so low to the ground it really took a beating. As he is telling me this I'm thinking, "we've only had this car since May and no way are we paying to get it fixed right now, we just had a huge huge vet bill." But, something came over me. Maybe because the party was over and the stress was gone--or maybe this is the real me. But I hugged him, told him I was sorry about his car, and said I was glad no one was hurt. I think Imight have shocked him. But it really is true. I thought back to when I parked his truck in our garage and the door closed on his back bumper. He knew I didn't mean to do it, but I could have been more careful. He didn't over react. Same thing here. He was probably showing off a little, but he didn't mean to hurt his car. He loves his car. And he was majorly embarassed that it happened with his friend in the car. And now he is obsessing about the insurance so I just let him be. Last night I reminded him how lucky we were that they weren't hurt, or anyone walking by, or a kid on a bike. And that we are lucky enough to have 3 cars, so this isn't an issue for him to get to work or anything like that. Accidents happen.

So, that has been my life the last week. Oh, throw Halloween in there too. I didn't exercise at all last week due to the sore throat. I need to get back in the swing of things. Oh, play group party here Wednesday. 20 kids. I'm insane.
I'll post birthday pics soon.

Happy 2nd Birthday Ryan!

Two years ago today, at 4:55 p.m., in Oceanside, California, Ryan Anthony was born. He weighed 8lbs 2 oz, and was 20.5 inches long. It is hard for me to believe its been two years. The first year went by slow, probably due to lack of sleep, but the second year has flown by--maybe due to sleep!

Two years ago at halloween all my neighbors stopped by to trick or treat asking where the baby was. Then I would stand up and they laughed. No one could believe I was still pregnant.

I called the hospital at 4:00 am to make sure we were still on for the induction. I guess there could have been a rash of babies born and they had to make sure they had room for me. Who would have thought these things? I hopped in the shower, and we left. Then it was insurance time...that took forever. I don't think I got to my room til around 6:00, instead of 5:00. AM. Man, thats early. I was wearing my navy blue sweats (i still have them) a maternity tank top and a long sleeved denim shirt. See, parts of my memory aren't gone :)

Then it was more paperwork, more questions, monitors, ivs...fun stuff. I think the pitocin started around 6:00. My doctor came around 7:00 to break my water and there was not a lot going on. Ethan and I were kind of bored actually. My family was waiting at the house. No need to rush. By about 8:30 I called to tell them we were bored and they could come provide entertainment.

I am not sure at what point the contractions started. All I can say is that it was major back pain like I have never felt. And, I am a back pain expert with a car accident and ski accident to prove it. It hurt bad. Ironically, I had no abdominal pain at all. The strong Brandi that said she was going to wait on the epidural was fighing with the more logical Brandi who wanted it NOW. Unfortunately, though the contractions were regular, the dilation was slow. I was given Stadol through the iv and it did nothing. Absolutely nothing. About an hour later I told the nurse this was serious business and something had to be done (ok, maybe not those words). She checked me again, and I was still 3. She told me she had an order not to give an epidural until at least 4. That seemed like a lifetime away. Lucky for me, she had pity in her eyes and called for one. I LOVE NURSE CHERYL.

At 12:30 I got an epidural. So, I get some props for being on pitocin for 6 hrs without it. It was a whole other world. I had this glorious idea to take a nap, rest up. But I couldn't. I drifted in and out, waking to see everyone watching me. Then at 2:30 i was 8cm. What? Excuse me, but I was just enjoying the calmness. What do you mean we're gonna "get ready." Apparently going from 3-8 in 2 hrs is fast. Who knew?

Then it seemed like my doctor was calling every 2 seconds and annoying my nurse to no end. And then I was pushing...and I was told I wasn't a good pusher. Again, who knew? That went on for hours, with the doctor calling to check my progress. I guess she was just gonna pop on over at the last minute. So, props for the nurses. THEY DO IT ALL. At some point the nurse needed to call my doctor and asked for my permission to mention the vacuum. She thought it would make a difference. I said yes, and should have been scared but wasn't. Our lamaze class went over all of that and actually showed us what it looked like, so I was ok. After hours of pushing I needed all the help I could get.

At some point my doctor swooped in, and all I can remember is her complaining that there was no hook to hang her white doctor coat on. Poor thing. Cuz if i could have stopped what I was doing I'm sure I would have held it for her. But I was busy. I should mention at this time that my mom and Ethan were holding my legs and helping with the counting. My sister and my friend Ginger were also there. My dad and brother were on the other side of the curtain, and ran out when I threw up. No visuals for them. I'm pretty sure Ethan was close to collapse but he hung in there. At times I think he didn't say one word at all during those pushing hours, other than counting.

My doctor evaluated my pushing technique which again was a fail, so we discussed the vacuum. I'm not sure there was much more than "yes, please get him out." She said he was stuck getting around the pelvis and my pushing was not enough. So, with the help of the vacuum he was out in two pushes. I never thought I would like a vacuum so much!

So, that was about 11 hours. Not bad for a first baby induction. And here we are today. Wow. We have a little boy that makes us smile and laugh everyday. He has taught us so much about patience and joy. I just hope we are teaching him enough in return.

I heart Trader Joe's, H&M, and my child is posessed

The fun stuff first.
Trades Joe's is just too cool. My friend pointed out a new product to me yesterday and I made it last night and I love it. This made me think of all the TJ stuff I already love and I thought I would make a list.

1. Pumpkin bread mix--try it. Seriously. Yummy. EASY. And if you bought the Jessica Seinfeld cookbook about sneaking veggies into their food, it will work. Why do it from scratch? Add some sweet potatoes in and they'll never know. (Disclaimer: i bought the cook book but haven't made anything yet.)
2. Garlic & herb dough--makes the best calzones ever. And get their pepperoni too. Its a bit pricy but so much better than regular pepperoni. I think they only sell one brand. I got the calzone off a playgroup recipe site long ago and I make them at least once a week, usually on Thursdays since thats our favorite TV night.
3. Blueberries--when they are in season they have the best and they are cheap.
4. Sweet & Salty cereal--i know, sounds gross but its good.
5. Tejava bottled iced tea
6. Chocolate--we have 2 favorites. one comes in a pink wrapper and its milk chocolate. they are in a 3 pack, usually by the check out. And the other is Ritter brand I think. They are a type of chocolate wafer. Ethan hides them from me...
7. Ethan likes the strawberry lemonade
8. Rosemary potato bread--enuf said. except put some olive oil, butter and garlic salt on it and toast it. heaven.
9. red pepper hummus
10. frozen meat balls--in the blue and white bag. not the yellow. yellow is yuck.

So, I also now heart H&M. I've seen the clothing store on "What Not To Wear" and always thought they had cute clothes, and they always said they were reasonably priced. I just didn't know if their definition of reasonable was the same as mine since they are spending $5k and pay hundreds of dollars on a pair of shoes. A friend of mine took me to an outdoor shopping area--think La Jolla near the beach, but not AS snooty...but still kinda. There was an H&M so I had to take a look. LOVE IT. I didn't see anything in the women's department for over $30. Can you believe that? The stuff looked well made, but even at that price, if its last a season or two you are good. I got a super cute satin tank (not sure where i'll be wearing that) for $9. I think an H&M gift card will be on my Christmas list this year. And they had cute kids clothes too.

And for the finale...my kid is posessed. I'm not sure what happened over this weekend (the weekend is still not over...ug). I left him with Ethan yesterday around 12 and come home around 6. Ethan said he was whiny all day. Now I know daddy does things different than mommy, and maybe he doesn't pick up on some stuff as fast, but I figured it was just a rough day. Daddy didn't know that immediately after the nap he wants to go downstairs, have a snack (no matter if he just had lunch an hour ago) and watch amovie. That is the routine. So, I figured all would be fixed. He went to bed last night fine, slept about 10.5 hrs and woke up in a good mood.

Things just kinda went wacky from there. He wanted to go to the park (i know this because he brought me his park shoes). So, we decided to take the dogs for a walk. Ryan has decided he can do the entire 1 mile walk without the stroller so I was going to let him walk. Yes, I know that tomorrow when I go to put him in the stroller for my morning exercise its gonna suck. Anyway, he was having a fit and we weren't sure about what. We thought he wanted the stroller so I opened the garage and he wanted his 4 wheeler. NOPE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. That thing goes 2mp and I cannot stand the noise for that long. I offered him his tricycle and he was fine. We did our lap around the lake, stopping at the park where he ran around the soccer field. On the way home Ethan and the dogs got far ahead of us and Ryan asked to be picked up. Well, not asked. More like grabbing on my legs for dear life and crying. I told him to say "up" and I would pick him up. I know I complain about his lack of language but yes, he can say up. And he said it this morning when he wanted me to pick him up and carry him down the stairs. Well, once I said it I couldn't turn back. So, he cried the rest of the way home. Sobbing. I felt terrible, but didn't want to give in. I would stop every few houses, remind him that if he said "up" I would pick him up....didn't work. Finally when we got to our street I stopped and reminded him we were on our street, how he could see daddy's truck and asked again for him to say "up." No change. I sat on the ground, not sure why, and he sat in my lap. That is where Ethan found us. Just sitting there quietly, both confused.

Fast forward to the haircut. It was time, his birthday is this week and I need to take him for pics. Last time I took him for a haircut alone it was a disaster. Usually he does really well. He freaked out this time too, even with Ethan holding him. Even with a lollipop, even with a cell phone to play with. Nightmare. Then we head to Petsmart to get dog food...about 10 min away and he falls asleep. Apparently a solid day of whining wears you out.

He was enthralled with the dwarf hamsters, but again had a melt down and I can't even remember what about. Its like he changed over night. Is this 2? Cuz if this is what 2 is I don't want it. Take 2 back.

We've been home and had lunch (Ryan ate Thai food...whatever). He is now napping...yeah. And then Aunt Lisa is coming to take him for a few hrs. Hallelujah. Cuz Ethan and I are over it. We need some non-whining time to clean up and get ready for his party next weekend. We need to not feel like we are walking on eggshells around a toddler.

I'm making play doh

Ofcourse I could have bought it, but this is going to be better. I hope. Ryan's play group halloween party is tomorrow and since everyone else was bringing food, I thought I would make orange play doh. We are also supposed to be having a play doh party soon, so at least the kids will have some play doh to bring. I found some generic Glad containers with orange lids at the $1 store and cookie cutters. I've made 2 batches and have one more to go. It's so soft!

What else? I'm planning for the 2 parties, but not actually doing anything. Its all in my head. And I have lists. But I'm waiting for RSVP's so I can do the goodie bags and they aren't due til the 1st.

Monday I went to the doctor because I was having shortness of breath and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. It had been going on for a few days on and off but Monday it was constant so I called and got an appt. He had me do some breathing tests and they call came out normal. He checked my legs to make sure I didn't have a blood clot. My heart sounded good so he gave me an inhaler and said either some allergens were bothering me or I was coming down with something and that was the first symptom. FUN. The inhaler didn't do anything. Ethan has asthma and is an inhaler expert and he said if it didn't work within seconds that it wasn't going to help. I started feeling better on Tuesday. I bet the doc thinks I"m a hypochondriac. But I'm not. I just didn't want to be that weird news story about the 32 yr old that dies of a heart attack. You know. I've got a kid that needs his mommy :)

Let's see....oh, today I jogged. Please, get up off the floor. I cannot tell you how far because I used landmarks. Scientific, I know. This is the part of me that drives Ethan crazy. I am terrible with measurements. (BTW: he says "maysure" and it drives me crazy." I jogged from the dog poop container to the fire hydrant. Then from a cross walk to another poop container. Honestly, if you told me to put my hands 5 feet apart I would probably do 1...or 15. I just don't have that skill. My spatial skills are non-existent. I also cannot put things together, especially if the directions have pictures. Don't judge.

BTW: Jogging with a regular stroller sucks.

So, play group halloween party tomorrow. Tuesday is Ryan's speech/language evaluation with Early Start. I am happy to say that since we called in August when he had ZERO words he now has about 20. Its amazing. I'm still keeping the appointment because there probably is still some sort of delay, but hopefully it will just fix itself in time and he won't need therapy. But if he does, I'm ok with it. Thursday is his birthday...one week from today!

My due date was 2 yrs ago TODAY

Thats me...3 days late.

Not like that means anything. I know due dates are estimations. I know that only about 3% of babies are born on their due dates. I'm sure its just a fluke thing. But still, I never (and I mean never) that I would be late. I'm not a late kind of person (well, I am now but I blame it on the kid--oh, and I was late to work but that was by choice). Anyway, I was supposed to be early. I'm a planner, a list maker, an organizer (though my house doesn't show it--don't judge). The nursery was ready, my bags were packed, and Ethan installed the infant carseat in September because he was paranoid we would forget it. I WAS READY.

I had a feeling that I would have Ryan on a date with a 5. So, Oct 5 or 15. I didn't even think about 25th because that would be late and I wasn't going to be late. I actually did have contractions on the night of the 15th, we even timed them for a while, but they eased up and I fell asleep. Other than some contractions at 30 weeks where I had to go to the ER and be exposed to numerous tests that I will not even discuss, those were the only contractions I ever had on my own.

So, October 21, 2005. 1 day late. I'm at the doctor. Ethan is with me. My mom and sister are visiting because, well, it was my due date and they thought I would miraculously have the baby then. I told them not to drive 7 hrs but they didn't listen. Its like they just wanted to stare at me and wait. Anyway, we are at the doctor and everything is fine, I'm as big as an elephant, and she says "I guess he's always going to be late for his dates." Not funny. Then she gives me the information about scheduling an induction, but it probably won't come to that. She takes out her trusty calendar and finds her next on-call day after 2 weeks. WTF? Excuse me. Did she say 2 weeks? Its already been 40 weeks. You're going to keep me pregnant for 2 more weeks. Are you insane? I think the tears were welling up. Honestly. Hadn't I done my job? I kept him inside and safe. I fed him. No alcohol--none. November 1st, here is the paper, call the hospital that morning, but ofcourse you're going to have it before then.

Now we are in an entirely different month. Its a change in astrological sign and birth stone. It is just too much to handle. Ethan mentions (at the urging of my mom) that family is here, could we maybe get something going now? Nope, no reason. Mommy and baby are healthy--if you count me having a silent anxiety attack as healthy. 2 more weeks is a lot more time to gain weight...and not sleep...and be uncomfortable...and pee every 2 seconds....and have no clothes that fit because the large maternity clothes are too tight. Sigh.

Ofcourse I get scheduled for an appt a few days later, because now I need to be monitored even more closely. Gotta check the fluids and what not. These are all the more traumatic because (don't read if you are squimish) I tend to be a bleeder. There was a huge sticker on my chart so everyone knew. So, the constant exams were not pleasant. Nor was it pleasant to keep hearing there wasn't much of a change. Nor was it pleasant for the doc to say I was 1cm and the nurse practitioner to say I was at least 2, going on 3. Then I asked abou the mucous plug (cuz I watch too much baby tv) and was told it was already gone. Guess I missed that train. There was a time I was 100% effaced and still nothing. NOTHING. Everytime I left they would schedule me an appt for 2-3 days later, and I would get the same comment "I'm sure you won't make it that long." OFCOURSE I WOULD. Even the girl that schedules the appts had pity in her eyes when I walked up to her counter. She saw me almost every day at the end.

Then, at some point, I resigned myself to the induction. My family could be there. No midnight phone calls and them rushing to get here. But I also knew that all the stuff I learned in lamaze was pretty much out the door because once the induction was started I was stuck in bed. No sitting on my yoga ball or walking around. Oh..and lets not forget the 25% incrased chance of a c-section that someone forgot to mention.

Finally, Oct 31, 2005, my last appt. My family was driving down that day. Halloween was a Monday, so I hadn't been to the doc since Friday and they were checking my fluids very regularly. That day was busy, and I can't remember all of it, except there was some sort of problem. Either there wasn't a lot of baby movement and they kept moving me around on the machine, or they had a hard time measuring the fluids...both had happened before. I just remember thinking "Just freakin send me across the street and let's get this done!" Nope. See you tomorrow.

I thought for sure I would go into labor in the middle of the night, just to buck the system a little, but this really wasn't up to me was it? Maybe that was the lesson. Ryan was calling the shots...well, half of them, cuz who knows how long he would have stayed in there without some intervention!

So, you've still got a few weeks til Ryan's birth day post.

3s

Things come in 3s, right? Cuz I gotta say, the dogs are irritating me. Usually, they are not this bad. So, we have the brownies, the dew claw and....one of them ate a piece of wooden track to Ryan's new train table. The train table we just put together while he was asleep on Saturday night (see how boring we are) and he was so excited to see on Sunday morning. Yes, that table. The early birthday table that we had to put together first because if it was missing pieces we needed to know, and we are the kind of *lucky* people who get the boxes that are missines pieces. I did not want THAT kind of drama the night before his birthday (halloween), nor did I want to be on the phone with customer service for the next 2 months trying to get a screw while Ryan looked at a broken table. Turns out the table was in perfect condition, Ethan even remarked on how nicely it was packed--did you know there are packaging engineers? Not that Ethan is a packaging engineer, but there are people who do that for a living, they figure out how to pack something. Wow. Or...boring. Whatever.

So, the table was up for 2 days and we already have 1 eaten track. Why oh why?

Ryan's invitations finally went out in the mail yesterday for the party. I also agreed to host a play date party here for our play group where we will celebrate his birthday, and I'm in charge of snacks and goodie bags. I'm getting the overwhelmed feeling. 2 parties, 2 menus, 2 sets of goodie bags. Yeah.

And customer service. Where has it gone? I think Maria did a post on this a while back so I don't want to steal her thunder, but come one people. Retail = customer service. If you don't like people, don't work retail. Because I noticed the last train table box at Toys R Us was dented, I looked for someone to see if they had more in back. It took me a while to find someone, and when I did, he made it look like I was so much trouble. He got on his litle walkie talkie and asked who was in charge of the department, and the manager came back on and said whoever it was was on the register so he would have to help the customer. I AM THE CUSTOMER. Then he says, well I can't answer her question. So the manager asks, what's her question. Then he turns to look at me. Did he not hear me the first time? Should I just take the walkie talkie myself and have a discussion with the manager? So I say, I'd like to know if you have any more train tables in the back. The box is dented. He sighs (i kid you not) and repeats my question. The manager says, all the Thomas stuff is out on the floor. He thinks he is done, when I say, Its not Thomas. Then the manager tells him to check the computer. Yeah...something he could have done 5 minutes ago. On his own. You know, scan it and check inventory. Duh. About 3 years later he comes back to say they don't have anymore--while I'm not sure I believe him, or if he even checked, I'm just excited we got the last train table under $100. Did I mention we were standing near the registry this whole time. There was a computer right there. Not sure where he disappeared to. All this time Ethan is trying to keep Ryan busy...in a toy store you would think thats not hard to do, so I mean busy as in, not grabbing every toy and thinking its his.

This is a bit too complainy. So, on a positive note. I did my 2 miles this AM and am considering trying to jog. I know....watch out. Things might start falling from the sky. brandi+running = disaster.

We're back at Dad Said Mom Said

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http://dadsaidmomsaid.blogspot.com/

That is enuf!!!!

I know this was supposed to be my "get it all out weight issue" post but something happened yesterday. But...we have to go back to me inducing my dogs to vomit. YES I DID. Then I had to clean it up, while keeping a toddler from playing in it--and keeping the dogs from trying to eat it again. SO GROSS. They are fine. I was traumatized. Then yesterday we come home from a marathon of a walk to the lake--Ryan on his quad that goes 2mp. Ug. SLOW. When we return I find small splatters of blood on the floor, and a bloody paw print on my kitchen counter. Are you kidding? Have I not been through enough with them already? The culprit when it has to do with counters is usually Shelby, but I couldn't find blood on either of the dogs (and as a side note: both dogs ate the brownies, not just Shelby. as a matter of fact, Nikki's barfed up pieces that weren't even chewed). A while later I discovered where the blood came from. Nikki's dew claw was hanging by a thread. GROSS. I called my sister in law/vet tech and she told me it had to come off and she would come by after work to see if she could do it, or if Nikki needed to go in for numbing meds first. We supplied SIL with dinner. She has been so great to us and the dogs. She said it definately had to come off, but that it was gonna hurt (no doubt) and she recommended numbing meds. She agreed to pick Nikki up this morning and take her into work to do the deed. When she got here this AM the nail was gone. Um...yeah. Apparently Nikki didn't want to go to the vet so she took care of it herself. Now I am in a panic waiting to come across it somewhere around the house. YUCK.

And in further announcements, I think my scale went crazy cuz it says I lost most of my weight again. I'm going to recalibrate it and get back to y'all about that. But I know I need to do the post, and I will. It will be good for me to get my weight issues out in the open.

BLAH

Thanks for all the support about the gym class. I got my $ back, minus the fee from the first class, which is fair. I'm sure I could have raised a stink about it, but thats not me. We went to the first class and participated so we pay. Fair. I wish there was a Gymboree or Wee Start near us, but there isn't. I'll keep looking. And as for pics...I'm trying. I should also be known as "the mom who forgets her camera ALL THE TIME." And the pics from the phone are not good, but here is one from today at the park. It rained last night but who is the mommy that came prepared with a towel? You guessed, me. I knew there was no way Ryan would slide if there was any moisture. I also am adding another pic, this is of Ryan with my flip-flops on, and a funnel on his head. Can he rock the fashion or what? Except blogger just gave me an error...grrrrr.

So, I'm super irritated at myself because in the span of a week I put back on the 5-7lbs I had lost. It is all my fault, I know it. So, as my punishment I decided I have to do a full fledged blog about me and my weight issues. That will come tonight or tomorrow since we are approaching the one hour naptime and Ryan has decided that one hour is better than two. Let's hope its a phase. But to tide you guys over (all 4 of you), I will admit to the following:

*I weighed 105 in highschool and at times I have no idea how I got my current body
*I weighed 125 when I got married
*I weighed 140 when I got pregnant and 180 when I delivered
*7 weeks after delivery I was 150 and thought I was a rockstar cuz that meant i only had 10lbs to go...no problem
*Problem--almost 2 yrs later I was still 150. Good that I maintained and not gained, but still no loss.
**In the past few months with my "half assed" diet I went from 152 (ok i gained a little when we moved) to my lowest of 145. As of this morning, I am back to 150 and PISSED AT MYSELF.

Ok. Can you just imagine the exciting reading that is coming your way? I can't leave it on this depressing note so I will think of a good thing: my dogs ate brownies yesterday and though I had to induce vomiting and it was so gross, they are FINE AND I LOVE THEM STILL.

Did I wus out?

As I type, I am faxing our withdrawal from the gym class. I had intended on completing our 4 remaining classes until one of the moms at our Play & Learn class (which we LOVE) commented she was in the gym class and withdrew. She had the same complaints I did, and a few more. She convinced me it was important to let the City know of my feelings. They have a "Satisfaction Guarantee" policy and well, I wasn't satisfied with the first class. Hopefully they will pro-rate and I'll get most of my $ back and we can use it to enroll in the Play & Learn class again next month. Maybe the City will notice they've had 2 people leave this class and wonder why. Who knows. I know Ryan had no idea about the situation, but I wasn't comfortable which means it is no fun for me to be there.

When the other mom told me about her experience our Play & Learn teacher asked about it and agreed that the other teacher's expectations were not appropriate. The big issue was her attitude, and how she made me feel about Ryan's lack of following directions. It wold have been a whole other story had she actually had a smile on her face, or maybe even said "Just give him time, he'll get it." But, she didn't. Maybe its not in her, it isn't who she is. Ryan and I need to be in a place we feel comfortable and where the instructor has a positive attitude. BTW: I just checked the class info catalog. It says for 1-3 yrs. Are you kidding me! When I wanted to quit Play & Learn after the first class because Ryan was a big bully everyone told me to hang in there. Well, this is another story. And when I did go back I got such encouragement from the teacher and she constantly praises him and says what a good job he is doing. She knew it might take him a while to get the hang of the class. Why...cuz she has 2 yr old twins!

On a happier note, we went to a gym free play on Friday and it was FANTASTIC. This was a real gymanstics gym and Ryan had a blast. He loved all the trampolines and the spring floor, and the mats. That is what 2 yr olds want--real free play. They do this twice a month and we are so there.

I know that one day he's gonna need to learn to follow directions, etc...but this is about having fun.

Ryan's Gym class-Day 1 & The Office merchandise

Ok, wrong order. I just had to tell any Office fans out there that my Target, and apparently several other Targets, have Office merchandise in the $1 aisle. Yes, $1 or 100 pennies, whatever you prefer. I was a bit offended that they would sell this priceless stuff for so little, but the bargain hunter in me got the best of me and I spent way too much money. And how do I come to know this very important, life changing information? Well, BooMama ofcourse. Its a blog I read daily. Now, don't think I'm a "Mrs. Blog know it all" because I'm not. I look at other people's daily reads and then steal them. This thievery happened to be from my friend Kalyn's list. And by the way, BooMama is going to do a giveaway for one of Kalyn's photographs so be on the lookout for that. She takes amazing pictures (and if we owned this house and could put stuff on the wall I would have one). http://boomama.net/index.php?paged=2 So, last week in honor of the Office's season premiere she had her readers leave their favorite parts or quotes from the show in the comments section. That is where I found the merchandise info. But, I also noticed, and I do NOT want to offend anyone, but no one mentioned my favorite quote from the first episode by Michael Scott, "You don't know me, you've just seen my penis." BooMama's blog is too classy for that quote, but obviously, mine isn't. (oh, if you go look for that particular blog on her page you need to look in September--yes, duh...I know, but I just spent a good forever looking for it and I wanted to save you all the trouble.)

Now on to Ryan's first gym class. First, I would like to say I was not impressed with the teacher for two reasons. #1 She didn't introduce herself. #2 She didn't do a quick intro of the class or anything. She just said "let's get started," picked a girl that had taken the class before and had her demonstrate what we were supposed to do. As I'm watching the demo I'm having a small panic attack. Does she honestly think 2 yr olds can do this? Or is there something wrong with my child, cuz he's not gonna do is.

Description: There are several different sizes/shapes of mats in a circle. There are some mats that are stairs, there is a real balance beam low to the ground, foam balance beams, a ball pit without the balls, a tunnel, etc. We are "supposed" to do certain activities on each mat. For example, the blue mat is for forward rolls. Then you go to the next mat and you skip sideways. Then you crawl through the tunnel and go to the next mat where you put your fit and hands in a certain spot and then jump...and it goes on and on. I thought this was a bit out of Ryan's league, but figured as long as he didn't hurt anyone or get in anyone's way I was gonna let him do his own thing. She also had several different types of balls over in the corner, but we were not allowed to play with those YET. Just a tip: put them in the closet cuz they are 2 and they want them NOW.

Ryan loved all the mats and jumping, however he did not love when I tried to make him conform to the specific activities. He wanted to run and jump. Some kids were doing it--girls. I hate to say it, but why are the girls always better at following directions? We had 2 timeouts when Ryan was going the opposite way of everyone else and getting in their way. I feel I was responsible about it, but again, I did not care that he wasn't following the way the class was supposed to be. He was having fun!

Then it was the dreaded parachute time. He hates the parachute, deathly afraid of it. They do it in the Play & Learn class and he usually runs for the door. I told the teacher that, and let him run around playing with the foam balls she finally let them have. Then she said "maybe if mommy holds him for parachute he won't be so scared." Um...maybe not. There is no rule that says he has to love the parachute. I think its kinda lame anyway. But I managed to put a smile on my face and get Ryan to let me hold him while I held the parachute with my other arm. He had his ball so he really didn't care.

Other than that exchange, the teacher hadn't said anything to us other than once when she walked up to Ryan and asked him to do a forward roll for her. Well, he's never done one before so I knew that wasn't gonna happen, but also, he doesn't know her and he gets shy sometimes. But I think from then on, because we did not perform on demand, we were the problem duo. I would like to point out at this time that I didn't even make a big deal and say "Did you happen to notice Ryan is the only kid in here that isn't talking?" "He has no idea what a forward roll is."

So, class is finally over. We made it through our 45 min and I was putting my shoes on. Ryan was running up and down the stairs of the stage, and looking ever so fondly at the balls that he cannot have--again. I tell him its time to go, time to put on shoes, blah blah blah and ofcourse he isn't interested. I knew that. As I walk toward him to pick him up, knowing kicking and screaming will ensue, she says "he's a hand full." There are two ways someone can say that. The first way is at the park when another mom says it to you, as her kid is also running around like a little crazy person and says "THEY are hand fulls, aren't they?" And you say yes they are.

The other way is a negative way that means many things, especially you cannot control him. Or, that would be the mom at the park that calls your kid a hand full when her kid is sitting quietly on the bench reading a dictionary or something. Whatever. And she better NOT have meant "he's a hand full something is wrong with him" cuz do not mess with a mama who is doing the best she can. And before you think I took this too personal and was too emotional, like usual, even Ethan (who never cares about this kind of stuff and always tells me to lighten up) had a look in his eye like "she said that about my son?" So yeah....

You would be proud because again I did not freak out. I told her we take the Play & Learn class and that he had a hard time the first week, but has done very well since. Then she so nicely let me know that we can try again next week, but maybe the class after this one would be better for him because its more free play and less structure--and he can do a craft! Yeah, like he wants to do a craft. He wants to run and jump on the mats!!!! Well, that class is too close to lunch/nap so we're not doing it. I paid my $ and we're gonna finish...unless she totally annoys me next week. But, I decided I was going to try and get Ryan to focus on the specific activities but if he doesn't want to do them, fine. As long as he doesn't bother other kids, get in their way or hurt them, then I'm letting him have fun. He's almost 2...not 5. JUST LET THE KID HAVE FUN.

Has the trash problem been solved?

My new favorite product: Simplehuman Slim 40 liter plastic step-on can w/ LOCKING LID. Oh yes...you read correctly. Locking lid. This beauty is available at Bed Bath & Beyond for $39.99 and I'm in heaven! http://www.simplehuman.com/products/trash-cans/kitchen/slim-plastic-step.html

We have been having a trash war for some time now. As a family with a toddler and 2 large dogs, keeping the trash can hidden is key. So, its been under the kitchen sink with a child lock on the cabinet. Someone (that isn't me) is too lazy to open the cabinet and likes to nicely place their trash on the counter. Or...start a trash bag and leave it on the counter. But, if you forget to move it our garbage eating dogs find it and make a huge mess. I will say that the trash can under the sink is small due to space (all that damn plumbing--is it really necessary?)

I have been searching for a locking trash can forever--well, what seems like forever. I found $200 stainless steel cans w/ sensors. But they didn't truly lock. I found locking cans to keep bears out. Never could find a simple, indoor trash can that locked, until a few days ago when the BB&B ad showed up. It was as if the skies parted and a beam of sunlight rained down on me.

The can has been in use for a few days and I'm loving it. Ethan was even impressed that the handle doesn't immediately slam closed--spring action or something, I didn't pay attention. And it even will lock in the open position, but don't ask me how. That goes against the entire reason I bought it. The only down side is that it has wheels and this is strictly a toddler issue. Ryan likes to push anything with wheels, but I think with careful placement he will forget they are even there. WOO HOO.

And p.s.: apparently eating a 6 oz yogurt and waiting 2 hrs to take a vitamin is not a good idea. i threw up today for the first time since i was in labor. see, i try to follow the doc's advice and take my multi and then i barf and end up having to clean up the bathroom because i have bad aim :( honestly, i used to be a professional barfer. i was so used to it from migraines and sinus infections...and ofcourse pregnancy. but give me almost 2 yrs off and i'm a rookie.

Whirlies in the brain

Random. That is the subject of my post or aka "I've got whirlies in my brain." Not sure where I came up with the word whirlies...I guess from things whirling around my head? My brain is definately getting overloaded, though with nothing necesarilly important. I even tried to post a few nights ago at 10:45 to help me sleep, but the computer was off. Why that was a deterrent, I cannot tell you. I just turned around and walked out of the office. I guess booting up the computer was just too much effort. Yes, I know its only one button. Here comes the randomness of me:


I know I said I hated the "Meet the Letters" dvd by Preschool Prep. It is still annoying, but Ryan has learned so much in the last few weeks. I'm so excited for him. He consistantly knows the letters A, C, and O. He randomly knows other letters for a few days, forgets them, then learns them again. He seems to almost always know the letter X. And he pronounces it "ks." Priceless. This really is a huge step for him. It feels as though he has been stagnant for a while and now this opens up a whole new world for him. A month ago all he said was "day" and "di." Amazing. He also has a few words that are recognizeable to us, but probably no one else. The key is that he is consistantly using the same sounds. We now understand "jeep" "key" "light" "train" and "hi." Jeep sounds like "eep" and key is "eeys" and light is "ite" and train is "ten"....and "hi" is hi, LOL. Ok. Enough mommy bragging.


Let's see...oh yeah, I lost Ryan in Kohls twice on Wednesday. Ofcourse I tell Ethan that is why we cannot have another child. He says my motto would be "at least I came home with one." Ug. Let's just say that Ryan is not into his stroller. He will put up with it for outside events--as in, he knows after 2x around the lake we will be stopping at the park so he tolerates it. Pretty much that is it. He is fine in a grocery cart but won't do a stroller indoors. Crazy. I've gone about this many different ways, and yesterday I thought I was pretty smart. I carried him into Kohls, thinking that was part of the battle. Then he saw the carts and got excited. Oh yes...we are halfway there. Then I realized the excitement came from wanting to push the cart. Ofcourse a tantrum ensued and I had to make a choice 1) shop at the 1 day sale or 2) go home after driving 15 min out of town to get there. I knew even after a time out he wasn't going to cooperate. I calmly told him to stop crying and that I would let him push. He actually stopped on cue..wow. An older lady even stopped and was impressed at him for stopping when I told him to. Off went went...he ran into a few tables and racks,no big deal. He was "following" me best he could. Then he realized he didn't need the cart--it was weighing him down. FREEDOM. So I lost him. I could hear him on the tile, but once he moved onto carpet he was gone. I found him with the help of an employee pointing and telling me he went "that way." We ended up in shoes, which is never a bad thing. I stopped at a rack of cute ballet flats and was pondering why they were in the "Juniors" section. They get their own shoes now? They had a whole row to themselves. And he was gone again. This time I had the pit in my stomach panic moment until I heard his laugh...I decided the trip was over, it was not a good idea to begin with. Then it was like the shopping faery sprinkled magic dust on us. Ryan asked to sit in the stroller. Oh yes....I think he was tired so he sat in the stroller with his juice and let me do whatever.

Whatever means I tried on a pair of Sketchers. So cute. They are black canvas w/ a thin criss-cross strap. $12.99. Can you believe it? The box is worth that much to Ryan. They were in the junior section and I don't care. Then I tried on the one shirt I had and needed a smaller size, which means I made two trips to the dressing room with Ryan sitting nicely in the stroller. Then I decided I loved the shirt and I needed it in another pattern as well...and yes, they were from the Junior section too. This is not normal for me, but its basically just a nice t-shirt. Junior stuff would not usually fit me and again I'm excited because there was no X in the size.

Also, a few days ago we're on our morning walk. Its about 8:15. We see the usual people we always see. But everyone, and I mean everyone, is wearing perfume. It was so strange. Everytime someone walked by I got a different scent. And it was only that day. Hasn't happened since. Isn't that odd? Did I miss national perfume day? Perfume is the last thing I'm thinking about before our walk. I throw on some yoga pants, the shirt I was wearing the day before or one I slept in, run my fingers through my hair and we're out. I am by no means making a fashion statement, other than "i've been awake since 5:00am and you're lucky i'm dressed."

We are midway into switching to the nap after lunch. Today he just couldn't do it. I usually shower when he naps so this makes it very late in the day for me to feel "ready." Now I need to come up with a way I can shower earlier, and not have a screaming toddler staring at me the whole time. Oh, and I want to have it last longer than 2 min.

Ok. Hopefully I got some of the weird stuff out of my brain.

Thanks Liz!

Well, at least someone out there felt bad for my fashion issues! Yes, I know there are more important things going on in the world, but hey--this is my self esteem here. I would like to report some fashion finds:

First, I was excited that Liz mentioned the blazer because "ta da" I already had two. Who knew? A chocolate brown courderoy (bad spelling...ug) and a light cotton khaki. Woo hoo. And I already have a black sweater coat. Just ned to find the belt for it (mental note). Then on Sunday I made my sister go to the mall with me. I had birthday $ and a gift card to New York & Co. They were my favorite store for work clothes...now that I don't work outside the house, their stuff doesn't seem to be me...but I tried. I even had a "spend $75 get $39 off"....oh well. Maybe next sale. I found cute flats at Payless...but they weren't on sale. Yes, I know Payless is already cheap but genetically I cannot pay full price for anything. My mom will not allow it. She has some kind of force--like Jedi-but for shopping and she would know if I paid full price for anything. IT IS NOT ALLOWED. And, Ethan appreciates that.

I went to Ross and I gotta say, its a whole different experience without a toddler. My sister was nice and held everything I wanted to try on so I could really look for stuff. I think I tried on a million jeans, but bought 2 sweaters. Still good. Then off to JC Penney.

Now...things must be explained. Our "mall" is...well...how to I explain it? One story. It has a food court and carousel. The BIG stores are Target, Sears, JC Penney and Gottschalks (think Robinsons May if you must). Besides the outlet mall, this is the only mall in town. This mall wasn't even here when I was growing up so its great that its here, but its no North County Fair....and I will not even discuss how far away it is from being Fashion Valley.

So, JC Penney. Don't usually have much luck there, but they are carrying a new brand called "Ana" and I love it. $21.99 for jeans (on sale)...score. And I loved how they fit, so much in fact, I bought a pair to wear with boots, and a straight leg pair for flats. To top that off I got an awesome brown sweater coat w/ hood. LOVE IT. I think for 3 sweaters and 2 pair of jeans I spent about $85 for my shopping trip.

Now, if the shoes could just miraculously appear at my door.

Seasonal Fashion & Dietary Dilemmas!

Before anyone points out that it seems like yesterday that I was complaining about the Africa heat--it wasn't yesterday. Probably last week. Now onto more important matters. It went from t-shirt and shorts weather to jeans and a long sleeved shirt in 1 day. I kid you not. It is 71 in my house. 71. Its cloudy and we have the chance of rain all weekend. This ofcourse brings up many fashion issues that I'll be dealing with for the next few weeks....(ok my whole life).

1. Lack of closed-toe shoes. I lived in San Diego for 5 yrs, you don't need closed-toe shoes. Except for boots (which I have) and sneakers (ok--i NEVER say sneaker, I say tennis shoes but I didn't want to imply I play tennis because that involves running and I DON'T DO THAT). I have sneakers. And as for closed toe shoes, you can also count 2 pair of black heels (one is square toe and so out that it needs to go in the donate bag). So, i'm left with: sneakers, 1 pair heeled black boots, 1 pair heeled brown boots (yes, they are the same, so what), 1 pair of black sling back heels. Yep...thats it. Since becoming a mom, I tend to think of boots as my more "dressed up" look. I don't wear my boots to the grocery store. They just don't seem like errand shoes. They are for going out to dinner or movie with the hubby. You know, when I might curl my hair. So, basically this means all last winter I wore jeans, a sweat shirt and sneakers. I NEED NEW SHOES. Preferably, these shoes would be less than $100. *who am i kidding, $29.99 is more like it! I'm taking ideas from all 4 of you out there.

2. Jeans. Need I say more? Ok, I will. Since becoming a mom (almost 2 yrs ago--OMG) I've gotten 2 new pairs of jeans. They are Bandolino and I like them (hmmm...my boots are Bandolino also) but they are jeans to be worn with boots or my other heels. They are my "dressy" jeans. That leaves me with some Old Navy standards that I had before pregnancy. Yes they fit, just not like they used to. I'm happy they fit, really I am. But it seems like they are all the same size and cut, but fit totally different. I've learned you cannot just buy a pair of jeans from Old Navy without trying them on. But I want something more...I want jeans that I love. Jeans that I love the moment I try them on. Again, less than $100 would be good..ok, $50 is about my limit, and thats only because I have birthday money. Why hasn't What Not To Wear found me yet?

3. Things to go over t-shirts. I bought lots of cute t-shirts this summer and I need some sweaters or cardigans or something to go over them. Most of my current sweaters are in my "dressy" category...you know. But I've certainly got enough hoodies that say GAP or CSUS Alumni on them.

Seasonal Dietary Dilema

1. Coffee. As the weather gets colder, I'm gonna want coffee. Since starting the "Brandi's Half-Assed The Best Life Diet" (by Bob Greene from Oprah) a few months ago I quit drinking coffee. I figured it was extra calories I didn't need and it wasn't a big deal to give up. Just like giving up soda isn't a problem because I rarely drink it. But now I'm getting the urge. Coffee isn't so much the diet issue as the sugar and creamer I use. Come on, black coffee? I don't think so. I know I could drink tea, and I like tea...but there is something about the french vanilla in the coffee that i love. Help.

**there will be more info about "Brandi's Halff-Assed The Best Life Diet" to come so stay tuned

Play & Learn - Round 2

Ok, for all of you that prayed for a better second class...THANK YOU. This weeks Play & Learn was so much better. What a load off. I actually was able to have a good time watching him play. I think all of my "nice" and "sharing" comments might have worked...or whatever it was I'm thankful. He is deathly afraid of the parachute, which they do the last few minutes of class. He ran for the door! Other than that, and one small incident on a slide we were cool. And I must say, had the girl slid down the slide instead of stopping at the top we would have been PERFECT. But that left me an an opportunity to remind him about waiting his turn and sharing...and its not nice to slide down on top of people, especially when you outweigh them by about 15lbs! We start play gym in October. More new adventures!

Also, Ethan and I went to Santa Cruz last weekend for my birthday. No, its not just you...my birthday tends to drag out. Don't be jealous. Thats how I work it. But anyway, we left Saturday around 11:00 and were back Sunday by 2:00. The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk was not what we remembered as kids. It really is for kids, except I didn't want to take Ryan there cuz it was dirty. Yuck. Then we walked out on the pier and saw the sea lions. That was cool. Then we headed downtown...interesting area. It has the "downtown" feel in some parts, cute shops and restaurants. But then you get a ghetto feeling in some places...its a college town, but I didn't get the college vibe. We had a great dinner at Kianti...yummy brushetta. Which reminds me of my new eating out plan for Italian: order the brushetta appetizer, split w/ whoever. then a small ceasar salad. yeah! This way I still get lots of bread, but don't go overkill w/ pasta. I'm sure this is totally scientific.

Sunday before we left we went to The Mystery Spot. Which is ofcourse a mystery until your engineer husband tells you why it ISN'T a mystery. Our last stop was the arboretium (totally can't spell today) at UC Santa Cruz. Nice little walk through the gardens...and then home to see the kid.

Bloggin at Dad Said Mom Said

Come visit Ethan and I for our first couples blog. My friend Jenn started this blog a while ago and its hilarious. I was so excited when she asked if we were interested. I met Jenn on Ryan's birth board and I feel like we have been friends forever. I really love the ladies in the Fall Babies 2005 group so this is a shout out to them too! Dad Said Mom Said has new posts once a week so continue to check back. There is always something interesting going on.

http://dadsaidmomsaid.blogspot.com/

Doctors are like salesmen

So, yesterday I went to my general practitioner. Since moving home, I've had some skin issues that have gone from annoying to just plain yuck. I've never EVER had skin issues before, that is saved for my husband and son. I was born in this town, grew up here, but apparently I am now allergic to it. Fine. This was my second visit to the doctor. He is nice, no complaints. I still miss my O'side doctor, but I'm a bit ticked with her because she left the practice and wanted to go work in free clinics and expand her horizons. Couldn't she do that after I moved? I never had to see her replacement, but I just really really liked her. She was my first grown up doctor...you know, not the college health center or Urgent Care. She realized how bad my sinus infections were because she actually sent me for x-rays then said "WOW"...I could call and leave her a message that I had another sinus infection and she would call in an RX right away. Did I mention I loved her? Then there is my OB who delivered Ryan...not in love with her.

Anyway, my new doc is very into medical/family history which is a +. He is also very into preventative meds. You know, take vitamins...he is really into vitamins and he likes to quote studies to me about why I need more Vitamin D and Calcium (little did he know I saw that on Good Morning America!). I say I'll take more, plus the multi I already take. I"m not gonna argue with him. Then he says I should just take a pre-natal instead of a multi just in case I get pregnant on accident. NO, NO ACCIDENTS HERE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Then he goes on and on about folic acid. I know about folic acid...I took prenatal vitamins 3 months before I even tried to get pregnant. Then he tells me the extra folic acid needs to be in my body when I conceive this accidental baby...can you say stress? I felt he was dooming my birth control not to work. So, fine. Insead of a multi I'll take a prenatal (after my multis run out) plus extra calcium and vitamin D. Geez. Which reminds me, I will have to hide the vitamins or people in my family will think I'm trying to get pregnant.

Then comes the sales pitch....the flu shot. He says "what do you think about the flu shot?" Um...I don't know. I got one when Ryan was 3 months old cuz his ped told me too. He was too young so he said I should get it. Ethan was supposed to get one too and chickened out. I ask him what he thinks and ofcourse he is all for it, especially since I am Ryan's care-giver and if I were to get the flu he would probably get it...blah blah blah. Ok, I'll get it during flu season.

Next: blood work. I used the same story as last time. "I had lots of blood work done in 2005 when I was pregnant. About 8 vials work. I'm good." This worked last time. Not yesterday. Do I know they don't check cholesterol during pregnancy? The diabetes test is specifically for pregnancy, and we really need a non-pregnancy measure (and I didn't mention I had to stay for the extra long glucose test during pregnancy cuz I failed the first 2). Well, then what the heck do they do withthe 8 vials of blood? Ok, I'll go get bloodwork done. They are open on Saturdays, its an open order, I can go whenever. Then he says he's gonna add a thyroid test too. Super. Let's do it all at once.

Finally, I'm ready to go. I've got my RX for my skin problem and he says "she'll be in with the shot in a minute." Oh, that was for today? Hmm...I really agreed to it in more of a general way. Like, i'm gonna get a flu shot some day. NOT TODAY. Crap.

Play & Learn - Yeah Right

Today we started our first Play & Learn class through our City Parks & Rec department. Um...I'm having a hard time just writing about it because my heart has not recovered. What should have been a fun 45min playtime was a disaster thanks to my 22 month old bully. Where did he come from? Can I give him back...or maybe do an exchange? Who told him everything in the entire universe belongs to him, even if he isn't ACTUALLY playing with it? Why were the only 2 boys in the class maniacs and the girls quiet and nice? I hate stereotypes and the "boys will be boys" crap. This obviously means we are not doing something right around here in the parenting area and I hate knowing the other parents at the class are labeling Ryan the mean kid or the bully. And I'm the mom that can't control him. I left the class almost crying in my car, Ryan was ofcourse oblivious to my stress. There was a truck and a bus near us so he was just fine to point at those while I was losing my mind.


I really had good intentions. I thought the class would help in his socialization and his language development. He has some sort of speech/language delay, and will be evaluated at the end of the month. We don't know if its something serious, or just a regular run of the mill delay as in "he'll talk when he's ready".

I had high hopes for this class. And its not the class/teacher's fault. I think it was a nice set up. There was an art table (though not sure how many 18/24 month olds do art), several plastic structure/slides, a jumpy, tunnels to crawl through, and a ball pit. This was all indoors so it wasn't hot. At the beginning there was circle time where everyone introduced themselves and sang "Itsy Bitsy Spider." Anyone care to answer why my child was the ONLY child that would not sit on my lap and proceeded to run around the room playing on all the stuff??? Now, I'm not sure its totally reasonable for that age group to sit during a circle time, but it was about 3 minutes long and I at least thought we could sit for a minute or so and look interested. NOPE.

Then it was on to free play, with the teacher coming around to everyone. To add insult to injury (oh...the injury to my pride if you couldn't tell) the teacher is someone I knew in highschool. Yay! Not only am I a fat cow compared to the last time she saw me, but I cannot control my child. And she has 4 kids and looks about a size 0. Dammit.

Ryan proceeds to push little girls out of the way the entire time. If someone is walking towards a slide and gets there first he is livid. That is obviously his slide and he is going to let them know by pushing them out of the way. I spent the entire 45 min apologizing to other parents/grandparents for my child's behavior. I reminded him about being easy and nice, and to share. All foreign concepts. Then we meet up at the ballpit with the only other boy in the class. They must have come in late because I didn't see them at circle time. This kid was a giant. 17 months old and looked about 5. He was a bully as well and immediately started picking on Ryan--and I didn't care. Shame on me, but I felt like he had be terrorizing other kids and it was his turn, see if he likes it. NO, I DIDN'T READ THAT IN A PARENTING MAGAZINE. That wonderful idea came straight from this idiotic brain. The giant shoved him and he looked at me like "do something" and I didn't. The giant got a time out from his mom and off I went again to deter Ryan from stealing playdough from a sweet girl named Sophia.

The only time Ryan didn' t get into trouble was when he was in the bouncy house. He loved it. He was the only kid that actually jumped in it. Cute little Sophia had to get out when he got in because he scared her. When she crawled out and watched him I said "he's nuts" and she pointed to him and said "NUTS!"

The last straw was when he walked over to a slide structure and the girl was halfway through the door opening so he couldn't really push her (he pushes sideways...uses his hip) so instead he walked over to her shoes and threw them. He totally could have hurt someone and I was done. DONE. We had a lovely time out of him screaming on my lap in the corner and I'm telling myself why I don't want to be the parent who spanks...spanking doesn't work...don't spank because you are angry...Breathe.

Thankfully it was over. Doesn't this sound like all day? 45 freakin minutes. That was it. I went home and had some chocolate silk pie. Apparently that was my de-stress mode of action. I didn't get my 2 mile walk today and I'm feeling lots of tension. I've also been eating like crap cuz its been my birthday and I tend to let the celebrations linger. I'm sure I've gained all the weight back and today I didn't care. It was like someone was waving a flag in my face saying "you are a sucky parent."

My friend Diana said the other parents probably weren't staring at me, they were just glad it wasn't their kid and she reminded me it could be their kid next time. It helped...a little.