I have the best friends!

Today was the baby shower I said I didn't want and I'm glad they talked me into it! We had a blast just socializing and hanging out. No games or anything like that. Just the girls hangin out without the kids. Oh, and food. The two organizers were so good about trying to find stuff I could eat and not having anything to tempt me. Though I protested the splenda cupcakes w/ no frosting they were great! Totally would eat them again (with frosting though cuz a cupcake without frosting is wrong without a medical reason).

I got lots of diapers and wipes, and some cute outfits that Luke might not care about, but I love. Even with all of Ryan's clothes we saved, it was nice to get some new stuff and 'ooh and ahh' over it. I will have to take a picture of these cute shoes that have skulls on them, they are awesome. My mom knitted another blanket (Ryan uses his everynight and calls it the soft blanket) as well as a quilt with a train on it. So cute. I loved the practicality of the diapers and wipes, plus the cute stuff everyone added in. Because we are doing a jungle theme, my aunt offered to take some of the pictures from her safari in South Africa and make a collage--LOVE IT. That is going to look awesome in his room.

Its all coming together and now that I made it through the shower, I'm really ready. Everyone thought I would go into labor tomorrow and the shower would be cancelled...no such luck. But, I feel like even if it doesn't happen on its own, the 7th is just around the corner. I don't see the doctor til Friday, what I assume will be my last appt before the induction. I'm hoping to stress the point of the pitocin working with Ryan and that maybe if the antacids they use to induce don't work they could try the pitocin. From start to finish Ryan's induction was 11 hrs-awesome for a first baby induction. I really don't want to be sent home, and don't want a csection unless its a medical necessity.

And now, I'm going to soak in the tub. My feet are a bit swollen and the sciatica pain has started down my right leg. I actually got some sleep last night and I'm hoping for more tonight. Friday night I literally got 2 hrs of sleep. My brain would not turn off and I was wide awake. Ryan did not nap today. Ethan took him out on adventures today while we had the shower, but brought him back late. When he tried to put him down for a nap at 2 he wasn't having it. We tried quiet time with the light on so he could read books but he wasn't having that either. He knew people were downstairs having a party and 'that was not fair i want to be at mommy's birthday.' I wanted him in bed at 7 tonight but as it is often with bedtime, my intentions don't seem to become reality and he was in bed at 8--complaining the whole time. Ethan and I were both getting frustrated and I had to keep reminding them BOTH that the reason he was acting like this was because he was tired...let's hope I don't get woken up in the middle of the night. It seems to happen in spurts. We'll have 3 good nights, then 3 bad. I forget where we are in the rotation...bummer.

Sometimes you gotta let it go

I'm over (almost) the fact that I'm not being induced when I was told, and that my doctor doesn't trust the ultrasound results for the size of baby Luke. I'll just wait. I have nothing else to do. I am still a bit nervous that he is a big baby, and will continue to get bigger in the next two weeks, but we'll cross that bridge later. If I learned anything from being pregnant with Ryan its that they come out when they want, ofcourse there comes a time when you have to go get them because how long can you possibly be pregnant? I actually read somewhere that babies have been born healthy at 44 weeks, but that is about the longest a doctor has let anyone go. NO THANKS. I was also reading that most people aren't really overdue, they just calculated wrong. Ryan's OB tried to pull that one me as well, I believe she said "you're not really 12 days late, it could be more like 7." I do not even have to share my reply with you :) I know due dates are unrealistic, and that only about 3% of babies are actually born on their EDD, but there is something about hitting the mark, then going further and further and further. Its all you think about. It consumes you. Plus I'm tired, feel and look like crap, I want to sleep on my stomach and eat a donut (not all at once.)

I still wonder if there is anything weird about being 38 wks pregnant and not having one braxton hicks or contraction or anything. It seems like everyone else does and a lot of my friends made a few trips to the hospital and then were told it was false labor, GO HOME. Maybe my body just doesn't work like that.

Another thing that was mentioned at my appt was that the meds they use to induce might not work and after so many doses I would be sent home. I am confused since I can't go over due with GD and my induction is scheduled for one day before. What happens if it doesn't work? You think I would have asked, but I just couldn't form the question without sounding whiny. That is a new added fear, along with the baby being large and it turning all into an emergency. I do not want that.

To focus on a positive, I took the time to look at all the coffee creamers on the shelf and found one that only had 2 g of total carbs. Score! I have not had coffee (decaf) since the GD diet. Its not that I love coffee--I love some coffee with my milk/creamer and sugar. I paid full price for that bad boy and had some coffee this morning. Unfortunately I forgot to bring my testing supplies when we went to the kiddie gym this morning so I don't know if the creamer effected by blood sugar at all. I will try again tomorrow.

Maybe i will work on a list of foods I am looking forward to eating again...

What is the point?

What is the point of doing an ultrasound to check size if you are going to ignore the results? Seriously. My doctor is so hot and cold. For weeks she talked about induction at 39 wks, then after the GD diagnosis it was induction for sure, cannot go over due, baby = too big. Then its "oh, we waited to long to schedule it" so now its April 7. Ok, fine. As a precaution because of the GD I had an ultrasound at the hospital today. With 2 weeks to go, the estimate was 8 lb 8 oz. I figured that would throw her into a tailspin (like it did me) and prepared Ethan for a possible induction in the next few days. My doctor totally brushed it off, told me they aren't very accurate this late in the game, and we're still set for the 7th. I know they can be +/- 1 lb, but I also know 2 more weeks could mean another pound on the baby, maybe more. We still do not have an accurate weight for me due to their weird scales. They had two scales today. One said I lost 3 lbs, another said I gained 5. THERE IS NO FREAKIN WAY. I want to just scream "lady, let me tell you what I eat in a day" but I don't get the warm and fuzzy feeling from her and I don't think she cares much. Even Ethan said she seemed all about business. She is. My mom says its my fault for picking female doctors and the only two that I have had have been relatively the same. At least my OB with Ryan would fake the niceness and do you have any questions when Ethan was there. This doctor didn't even say hello to Ethan today, the first time he came to an appt.

BTW: the u/s tech said he is very chubby and has hair! and I think we are having another middle name change...let's hope mom hasn't monogrammed anything, LOL.

So, now I get to wait and worry about possibly trying to push out a large baby when my previous was 8lb 2 oz at 41 wks 5 days.

Ryan finally went to the dentist!

According to different sources I'm either 2 yrs late, or just a few months late, on getting Ryan to the dentist. Luckily all is well and his teeth are great. I was a little surprised that there wasn't a major meltdown, though I did bribe him with a lollipop before we went in. A bit ironic but it worked. He tends to like to show off and impress other people, so I wasn't that shocked that he did everything they told him to. Even xrays. We got a thumbs up on our teeth brushing technique and were told to start flossing...um yeah, we'll see how that goes. For now she said to concentrate on the molar area and teeth that are close, and not to worry about the others if he put up a fight. I believe this will be left up to daddy, just like cutting finger/toe nails. Not my thing. I'll post dental shots on the other blog when I get a chance. Looking for the cord under the desk does not sound like a fun job right now.

In other news, Ryan didn't nap yesterday. I'm getting the vibe that the napping days are drawing to a close, just as I expected, around the time the baby gets here. He kept coming out of his room and I kept telling him to go back. I wasn't comfortable getting into the shower because I didn't want him roaming the house, nor did I want to let him watch TV while I showered. I wanted him to try to sleep. Finally after an hour I told him he could turn the light on and look at his books, but that he could not come out and I would get him when it was time. New word: quiet time. I think I might have to set a timer or something since he loves gadgets. Today he napped with no problem, but he was in his bed at 1:00 on the dot. It might be a case of tightening up the schedule for both nap and bed, but I don't expect the naps to go on forever...no matter how much I enjoy them.

WOW

Friday night around 5:30 Ryan asked to go to the park. Now I had been asking him since he got up from his nap around 3:00, but ignore that. We were outside playing in the front yard because our back yard is...well...unfinished. Let's just call it a bunch of weeds and dog poop. So, I told him it was getting too close to dinner and it would be dark soon (not really) but he wasn't buying it. Then he started a campaign of "call grandma I bet she wants to go to the park with me." Gee, make me feel bad. So, we negotiated which park (closest to home was my vote) and I said we were driving because no way was I walkin anywhere, especially when he likes to pull the "carry me" on the way home. I'm no dummy.

At the park there were kids of various ages. Ryan literally screams with delight and says those kids are his friends and they love him. It so cute to see him being social and trying to play with kids he doesn't know. Mostly he tries to follow bigger kids. I watch him closely to make sure a) he isn't bothering them and b) they aren't mean to him. He was running in circles, just being a crazy boy in the sunny weather and I loved it. There was a mom there with her kids, and at first I wasn't sure how many were hers. It was hard to tell because she spent the entire time I was there laying on a park bench reading a book. Laying.

Numerous times her kids got into fights with eachother over a skooter, and she took it away. About 10 min later the older girl is throwing tanbark at the sister. Ryan is in the area so I yell at him to move. He asks why. I say loudly, because those girls are throwing tanbark and its not nice or safe. Mom never moves her book. Finally the tanbark gets into the younger girls eye and she starts wailing. The mom yells at them to come over and doesn't really even ask what happened, basically just tells them to stop "whatever." The older girl (with some tude) announces she is still mad that her mom took away the skooter.

Mom's response: maybe i would reconsider if you stop acting like an idiot

WOW. Seriously, that is an exact quote. This was not a quiet conversation. This is her in a yelling voice, one that I could hear clearly from where I was sitting, across the play structure. Wow. She also yelled at one time that the older girl was not old enough to have her pants pulled down and spanked in front of everyone. Turns out there were 2 younger boys that were hers as well.

Now, I don't set out to judge, especially on parenting which is the hardest thing ever, and I know I'm not the best mom, especially now in the last few weeks of pregnancy I am losing my temper and just freakin tired, but I know I have never done anything like that and I just don't see why she thought that would motivate better behavior. Maybe she wasn't thinking. It happens. Ryan has been spanked a few times, I can't say I'm proud of it. I've told him to shut his mouth before, again, not proud, but I would never call him an idiot. Never. But I have told Ethan that his son was acting like a butthead, but Ryan wasn't around :)

It just made me feel if she will say that kind of stuff in public, what is she saying in private. Makes me sad.

I'm gonna cry in about 5 seconds...

Today I saw the OB, and again, no real progress to mention. What I am not happy to mention is the 10 lbs I supposedly gained in 1 week. 1 week. How is that even possible with the diet I am on??? I have been doing this diet since Feb 9th, and have maintained and/or lost weight since then. At one point I had lost 5 lbs. WTF? Seriously, it is making me an emotional wreck because I just DO NOT GET IT. The doctor didn't get it either and she took me back in the hallway and weighed me herself. My scale even says I've put on weight. She said I have no water retention to speak of, but other than that is clueless. Then she said "just watch what you eat." Um, been doing that since Feb 9th. Hello. I was about 150 when I got pregnant, went up to 180 before the program, and have hovered at the 177-180 mark for over a month. There were weeks when I didn't gain at all, or lost a few. Last week I was 177 at the office, so this is totally blowing my freakin mind. Their scale says I weigh more now than the day I delivered Ryan at 41 wks 5 days. Holy crap.

To add to my stress, I found out today that we waited to long to schedule the induction, and I'm now scheduled for the earliest day available: April 7. One day before my due date. Thanks so much. So I've got 3 more weeks to feel miserable, gain unexpected weight, and keep up my diet. Fun.

On a good note, I had my last GD appt with the nurse and was basically released. They are happy with my progress and unless my #s go totally out of control I don't have to go back. I am a gestational diabetic rockstar. She said I am the exception to the rule, and most people that go in end up on insulin. I just don't get it. I've worked so hard to keep this under control and though its not easy, it has been worth it for the health of the baby, me and not to have to take insulin. I know sometimes diet doesn't work the whole time, but apparently there are people out there that don't even try. They actually ask for insulin. Insane.

Is it too much to ask a 3 yr old to be grateful?

Everytime I type grateful I crack up because when I was teaching 9th grade we had vocabulary words each week that were mandated by the district. I would put the 10 words on the board and they would copy them down, define, and then I would have some other type of activity, followed by a spelling test at the end of the week. I saw grateful on the list and assumed it was a typo. Just didn't look right to me, so I switched it to greatful, which really doesn't look right either. In one of my classes I had a lot of special ed students so they had an aide that helped out and she brought it to my attention. How embarassing!


Anyway, Ryan had major tude today, even after I thought we did some fun stuff which he should have been grateful for. Maybe its just too much to expect, or maybe its me being tired and emotional and just done with carrying around 30 extra lbs and being hungry for stuff I can't eat.


We left the house around 11 (right as daddy was leaving for work) and hit the library. Technically this is the first time he has gone to specifically check out books for himself. Many moons ago we went for story time in O'side, but nothing since he has been this old. (Old...LOL). We specifically went because he has a Blues Clues book (that I hate) and was asking for more. His reading preferences go in cycles. We'll read the same two books at night for over a month or, if I happen to clean up his room and put all the books back on the shelves he'll just pick something and when we are done it ends up on the floor-the new favorites. His choice would be to have every book in his room on the floor so he could meandour around and pick and choose...that lasts a few days until I cannot stand the mess anymore and back on the shelves they go. So, after last clean up we've been stuck with a Blues Clues book--more specifically, a book with 4 stories and he makes me read "My Pet Turtle Torquoise" every time, and the second book is an old Winnie the Pooh scratch and sniff book that was mine.


We headed to the library for more Blues Clues but they didn't have any in English (I am not heartbroken). We headed to a section on 'cars trucks trains...things that move' that I thought would be a hit, but they seemed to be more for older kids. He picked out a book on big rigs. I picked out a book about a bunny that is going to be a big brother, and then we found some Bernstein Bears books--we have one already and its one of his favorites because sister and brother get in a fight and one of them says "get your dopey feet out of my face" and he thinks that is hilarious. He calls them the bad bear books.


We even looked at some dvds and I thought those would be a hit but he wasn't interested. Our local library happens to be attached to a park so when we walked out he asked if we could go to the park. Even though it was close to lunch I said yes, and he had a great time playing. Some older kids showed up and were throwing bark and just getting into general trouble so I said it was time to leave. That went ok and we came home for a quick lunch and nap.

We had already discussed needing to go to the grocery store, something I hardly ever do with him since my MIL usually comes twice a week to watch him while I run errands or attend my various doctor appts. She flaked Monday, and we were in need of some staples, specifically cheese sticks and granola bars for Ryan. He was excited for the granola bars and I might have bribed him with Starburst. I'm no dummy. I know I can't chase him around a store. He actually asked to sit in the cart which blew my mind. Then as we were looking at strawberries (this boy loves strawberries) he threw a fit about wanting raspberries. The problem is that he doesn't like them. I'm his mom, and I know things like this. Over and over he is talking about the raspberries and then says "daddy says I like them." Um...whatever. So I buy raspberries that were probably $4, I have no clue. I just wanted it to end. They did not have our usual brand of granola bars and I should have been leery when I handed him the box and he looked at me like "what the hell" but I bought them.

Everything was ok until right after checkout. I told him as soon as we got to the car and I washed his hands he could have a Starburst. He decided he didn't need to hold my hand, which is difficult when I'm pushing a cart anyway, but said he would stand next to me, which apparently translates into walking on the other side of the parking aisle and almost getting run over by a car. I told him to move closer to me 3x and finally was so annoyed that I grabbed his hair and pulled him closer. I'm sure it was a lovely scene in the parking lot. I am not proud, but hey, he is alive and not smashed under a car. In true Ryan fashion he got very dramatic and had to roll around on the ground. I put him in his carseat crying and went about my business.

Once everything was unloaded I talked to him about his lack of listening, especially lately, and how that was very dangerous. Starburst came up again and I said if he stopped crying he could have one when we got home...after washing our hands. It was absolutely silent and when we get to our driveway I turn around and he has both hands in his mouth (ew) and tears streaming. I ask what is wrong, thinking maybe he hurt his hands on something. Nope. Just him being overly dramatic again about Starburst because ofcourse, they taste better if you get to eat them in the car. Honestly, I"m losing it about now. I unload everything, leave him sitting in his seat (yes he is almost 3.5 and does not try to get out himself) and we have another discussion, specifically about following directions because ew, your hands are dirty and you put them in your mouth, and then didn't take them out when I told you too. Gross. Grocery store cart gross. Yuck.

Dinner comes around and he is having taquitos and his beloved rasperries which he finds out he does not like. Duh. I tell him to leave them on his plate but he cannot. They must be off, and another argument starts about following directions. I call daddy and ask him if he can have a talk with his son because I'm done talking and things are gonna get ugly really quick. Ryan blabs something about rasperries to him and how I'm making him eat them and "i don't yike them." He seems to calm down until he asks me to eat the raspberries. I tell him I can't because it makes the baby sick and he is screaming at me to eat them because he needs them off his plate. Can we all say "OCD."

At bedtime we talked about trying to be a better listener as our goal for the next day. We're half way through today and I think we are on track. But geez...I'm off to what is hopefully my last appt with my diabetes nurse.

Giving props where they are due

Firstly, my parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on Sunday. That is so cool. Ofcourse their three ungrateful children did nothing special--though one of their children is 37 wks pregnant and not up to hosting a big party or family dinner. They did get two gift cards for restaurants in town. I used to be much better at this...really. For their 30th we threw them a very nice party at a restaurant, paid for all by us. There were about 30 people. We had their wedding cake replicated, and I hand made all of the invitations using pictures from their wedding. Yes, all of this before I had Ryan. You guessed it. In previous years we've also booked them weekend trips to Reno, etc, or paid for their tickets to go to Disneyland...you have no idea how much my dad likes to go to Disneyland. Its a bit disturbing for a man his age, but whatever. So, I'm feeling a little bad about this year and we totally owe them for their 40th.

In other news, my husband is pretty awesome. Since he started his new schedule (12-8:30) he spends almost all morning with Ryan. Instead of just seeing him for an hour and breakfast, they have hours to do stuff. Today they re-set up Ryan's train table so you could run the trains on the track and not matchbox cars. He also takes him downstairs for breakfast, and deals with the morning potty and all that fun stuff. Saturday I had a babyshower to go to about an hour away, and they went to OSH to buy rose bushes to plant, and did that while I was getting ready. I didn't even ask for the rose bushes. I think Ethan is just ready to do the backyard but we can't start until we get a cement patio done, so he is doing whatever he can in the front. Then they worked on the shed in the backyard.

I got home later than expected from the shower and trip to BRU to buy Luke's coming home outfit, and Ethan had already taken care of their dinner--and called me to see if I was going to eat with them. Somewhere in the day there was a trip to Walmart and Office Depot, and Ryan took his normal nap. When I got home the water was running in the bath and Ryan was so excited to tell me all about his day. I kept telling him what a lucky boy he is to have a daddy that likes to do stuff with him, and to take him places.

Sunday I got up early with Ryan because my back was hurting and we let daddy sleep in. Then we headed to Old Navy because I had a 30% off coupon (couldn't find a darn thing) and Kohls. We had lunch at Round Table, then headed to JC Penney for an area rug. All the while Ethan kept Ryan occupied and we didn't have any major meltdowns. Ryan took a nap and then asked Ethan to take him to the park. So, off they went with his bike. I wasn't feeling well and fell asleep. I decided to check my blood sugars and they were 20 pts higher than they are supposed to be, 2 hrs after eating, not 1. I hate too much ice cream. But really, 1/2 c of ice cream? Come on. You need at least an entire cup. So, I had to go walk 2 laps around the block to get my sugars under control, just as they were getting home. After my first lap I saw them in the front yard, Ryan running down the street cracking up while Ethan chased him with a remote controlled car.

Then dinner, a family game of Mario Kart Wii, and bath/bed. Ethan took care of all of that as well. When I told Ryan again what a lucky boy he was, Ethan asked why. I really think he has no clue that there are a lot of hands off type dads out there. 3 seems to be a great age for helping dad do whatever needs to be done outside or in the garage, and they have such a great time together. It doesn't feel forced with him at all. He wants to hang out with his son and I think that is the coolest thing. Now, if I could only get him to dress him appropriately :)

p.s. baby Chloe is now 3 pounds and on track to come home at the end of April, her original due date

Exhausted

Today feels like it went on forever. I'm not sure why. I slept decent, not like 8 consecutive hrs or anything, but that NEVER happens. I get a few hrs at a time (if I'm lucky and its not even the pregnancy its just ME) but I did wake up feeling good. But by dinner time I was seriously lagging and in some kind of fog. Ryan only had one time out today, though it was a doozy, shouldn't have been a major issue. We had fun at the park this morning, he took a nap, I'm not sure if its true physical exhaustion or emotional exhaustion...or both.

My sister and I got into a little tiff but that shouldn't be a big deal either, maybe its just a combination of that, and Ethan working shift the last 2 weeks. Because Ethan is a good guy he decided that since the technicians were being asked to work shifts, the engineers should too. He asked me if I preferred early morning or nights. I was thinking ahead and reasoned it would be nicer to have him home in the morning, especially to help get Ryan off to school. Seriously, its like pulling teeth in the morning and I hate being late. I figured with a baby it was gonna be nearly impossible. Then after he chooses nights he tells me they changed it from 10-7 to 12-8:30...um, ok. Then he says its only for March, and April might change. Ryan is off school til the 26th so that didn't quite work out as I had planned. But, Ryan and daddy have had a great time together in the morning. They have been working in the garage, went to Home Depot, and fixed the gate. But, he has not been home for bedtime and man, that has been a killer. Ryan is constantly asking for him, and by about dinner time I am losing it. Why is it that when I am trying to make dinner seems to be his favorite time to bother the dogs and just generally be disobedient? Throw in the time change and OMG!

We are also having sleep issues and Ethan and I have turned into softies. Ryan has been coming into our room a few nights a week asking to sleep with us, usually around 1am. The first night Ethan said ok, admitted he was a total softie. Then a few nights go by and everything is fine, then its my turn to be a softie. I got totally emotional about how in a few weeks there will not be room in the bed for him if we use the co-sleeper thing, but really, if the baby is in our room even in a basinette he shouldn't be in there. So, I was sad. What the heck has happened to us? Ryan has only been allowed to sleep with us if he is sick, and by sick we usually mean some type of a fever where I need to monitor/medicate him, or asthma issues, not a cold. And in the last week he has probably slept with us 3 nights. Last night he came in, I didn't hear him, but I heard Ethan say something which woke me up, and them he was in our bed. Ethan remembers nothing. I went to Ryan's bed around 3am for more room. Our sleep consultant would be freakin out right now! BTW: as I am typing this I heard his door open but found him in his bed. I think he heard me in the office and decided not to come out. Oh, its gonna be a long night and Ethan isn't even home yet.

The tiff with my sister was weird. We are very close. My parents just bought a house that she is going to rent from them. Ryan and I were over visiting while my dad was doing some work, then my mom and sister came after they got off work. Ryan was in the backyard playing soccer with my sister and took a detour to the gravel area and was kicking rocks. I told him to stop twice, then told him if he did it again I was going to spank his bum. That is usually not my first threat, but it came out that way. About 5 min later he starts kicking rocks again and I stand up and he runs. I HATE THAT. HATE IT. We are in an enclosed backyard and I know he can't get away, but everytime he runs I think of running away in a parking lot or across a street and I get scared which makes me more angry. Plus, I'm pregnant and cannot run after him. So, my sister heads into the house and I tell her to lock the screen do not let him in. She does, I finally catch him and he is already crying cuz hello, you know when you do something wrong at this age. I give him a light swat on his bum and the tears start flowing. Typical Ryan. When you send him on a time out at home he goes to the stairs, then cries. Its all planned out. I'm asking him to tell me why he is in trouble but he won't, so I send him to sit in the corner.

My sister starts asking him if he is ok and walking in that direction and I tell her no, don't talk to him on a time out or look at him. Ignore him. Seriously, you would have that I told her to kill a cat. I explained that he needs to know he is being punished and that he gets no attention, even bad attention. So then she tells me she doesn't agree with my parenting and I say fine, but he is my child and I'm parenting him that way and she says fine...BUT ITS HER HOUSE. UM. WTF. My poor mom is standing in the kitchen like 'oh crap.' Needless to say we left soon after that. I did my normal of talking to Ryan after his time out, asking him what he thought he did wrong, etc., which he totally knew and admitted. My sister has seen him get time outs before so I"m not sure what was up but man, that rubbed me the wrong way.

Ok...long post. Ethan might finally be home and I need to lay down and have this day be over.

Big fat zero

So, I went to the doctor today, just sure I was dilating and on my way. Nope. Zero. Nothin. I don't think I was whiny or complained, but hey, this is the first time I've actually felt "pressure" or twinges or pins and needles and damn I though it meant something. Because my previous child obviously did not want to come out and allowed me to be pregnant for 41 weeks 5 days (yes let's just call it 42) with not signs of anything, I thought this was different. This baby must want to come out. Not as of today. So, all this pain when I walk is normal? Fun.

When I was about 30 wks with Ryan I had contractions that were pretty painful. I went to the ER and after an exam where it hurt so bad I wanted to kill the nurse, found out there was no dilating. The contractions showed up on the screen but no one knew why. They decided on dehydration, had me drink a bunch of fluids, then gave me a shot and everything was fine. 5 days before my due date I had some contractions, layed on my side, drank some water, and they went away. That is the extent of my contraction experience. Never pressure, or pain when I walked, or anything like that. Even during the actual delivery all of the pain I felt was in my back. Back labor is a bitch.

So, we keep waiting. Though I did get the "if you go into labor" speech today. I know its still early but I was excited that maybe, just maybe, one of my children would actually decide on his own "hey, today is a good day. I bet my mom wants a donut. she has been working really hard with her restricted diet and she deserves some french fries."

I am leaning toward the induction at 39 wks. I will see how my next two appts go, and I have another ultrasound scheduled for 38 wks for fetal measurement. No one thinks the GD has caused him to be large, just a precaution, but if they are thinking anymore that 8 lbs at 2 wks early I'm inducing for sure.

And the new debate: Maxwell v. Stratton...middle names (both family names on Ethan's side)

Holy cow today is March 8

Today is March 8. My due date is April 8. Enough said.

Thank you for the support on the bf issue. I really didn't want to make it an "issue" this go round, but it is. You still get questioned if you bottle feed. Some people are nice about how they ask, others are not. They figure there has to be a problem. I guess in a way there was, but not the kind of problem they want to hear. And, people really think you didn't try hard enough or "if you could have just hung in there a little longer..." Maybe. I'll never know. I went in with the best intentions, did it for 3 weeks, with supplementing, and then stopped. I bought a very expensive pump and tried that, but wasn't producing enough to make it worth it. Literally, 20 min on one side = 1/2 ounce. 1/2! So, for my sanity at that particular time I quit. And hey, I didn't turn out too bad :) Neither did Flynn :) This time I'll try again. Try. And if I get overwhelmed or start to have freak out again, I'll stop. Maybe it will be easy this time. But, I'm really going to concentrate on not feeling bad about whatever happens. I know there will be more stress this time around, due to a certain 3 yr old, and I've just gotta take it as it comes.

I'm gonna vent so be prepared

I don't think I totally ever got into the BF issue with Ryan, or the sleep issue...I mean really into it. I might at onc time, maybe to explain my feelings on those subjects, or not. Who knows. Y'all know Ryan didn't really sleep through the night til he was 1 and we had to pay the consultant who was phenomenal (thanks Kalyn). But, there are so many other things related to it and how we coped, and what we did, and just really, what it did to us as people and as a family. BF is kinda the same way. Lots of issues, and I still have guilt, though I am really trying to get away from that place and look at it with a fresh perspective. Hopefully this will make sense as you read.

Our playgroup has a message board, like many do. We've had lots of babies born recently, 3 since January I think, and there have been a lot of 'baby' questions/comments on the board. Most of us have 2 yr olds and older so we're in a baby swing right now. Someone posted a question about breastfeeding, and we have lots of BF moms. I decided to check out some of their suggestions. I figured I could learn a thing or two, couldn't hurt. It is obvious some people feel very strongly about it, but as someone that tried and failed, I am much more cautious in what I say, and just want everyone to do what is best for them, and I'm open to formula or whatever needs to be done not just for the baby, but for the mom as well. I am not going to put myself through what I did with Ryan. Emotionally it was not a good place for me to be in.

So, I go to a website that some of the mom's posted, supposedly it has great ideas, a real miracle worker kind of thing. Right off the bat its pro BF, not a problem. Its not like you can find anything really negative about BF, other than lifestyle issues. So, I'm reading through some articles and it says you can never breastfeed a baby too much, but you can under bf. Ok. I'm no expert so I'm going with it. Then it takes the "feeding on demand" situation of infants and stretches it out, basically saying keep feeding on demand. This is where I start to get a bit skittish, but again, no experience so I keep reading. Then comes a question about using bf to get the baby to sleep. It goes on and on about how that is fine and normal, and she doesn't understand why anyone thinks this 'natural' way is a bad habit.

Now I'm getting uncomfortable because I know, habits are hard to break. You nurse a 4 month old to sleep every day/night you are still gonna be doing that when he/she is 1 without great effort to stop it. Then there is a section about sleep habits and how parents have unrealistic expectations about babies sleeping through the night. Basically, you should just deal. If your baby wakes up, nurse it back to sleep, no matter how many times or their age. Luckily (kinda) i'm reading this as a second time mom so I know not to be beating myself up about how this is exactly the opposite of what I think/did, but still, it bothered me. I started to question myself. Over a freakin website!

The articles keep going saying parents that try sleep training and any form of CIO are trying to make the baby fit into their life, instead of the other way around. Letting your child cry itself to sleep (in any method according to them) is terrible and Ryan will be scarred for life. He knows he was abandoned in his crib and will apparently never get over it. WOW. So I keep reading because its like a train wreck and I can't stop, still with this feeling of "OMG what have I done? What am I going to do?"

And then the BF stuff starts again, and I find out all these things like I didn't try hard enough, wasn't committed enough, and if I would have just accepted the fact that this baby was going to be attached to me 24/7 it would have been fine. It was all me being selfish. Feed him when he cries and thats it. Just do it. Stop worrying about trying to leave the house alone for 5 seconds or sleeping for more than 2 hrs at a time. Weight loss in a baby is normal, don't worry, cracked and bleeding nipples, oh well, ice it up. Other issues, too bad, just do it.

Needless to say, I finally had to stop reading because I just couldn't find anything helpful anymore. Yes I know its better for the baby and me, especially with my GD. I know it. I also know some other things about myself that might make it more difficult. Maybe I am selfish. I don't know. Really. I. Don't. Know.

Let's have a shower

Once we found out we were having another boy I made it clear to my friends and family that I did not want a baby shower. Not because I am an ungrateful wench, but because we kept everything. EVERYTHING. Ethan, the person who wants to throw everything away, made me keep all things baby. He said he knew we would have another, no matter what I had been saying. So fine, score 1 for him. Yes, we have a swing, and a portable swing, and a bouncer, and a jumperoo, and 2 bath tubs, 1 bath ring, a boppy, bottles, the thing that cleans the bottles w/ steam in the microwave, a bjorn, 2 other sling type things, 1 in fant carseat and 2 bases, matching stroller...we have it all. Still. And ofcourse, almost every single outfit Ryan ever wore. The clothes and blankets are in great condition so really, I didn't need anything. At this time in our economy it just didn't seem necessary to have a shower. The only things I've bought are a new crib set, some new nipples and pacifiers, and some breast pads--and some clothes on clearance from Target but those don't count. Baby cannot be expected to wear all hand me downs.

One of my very good friends from playgroup really wanted to give me a shower and she suggested a "bring a bag of diapers" shower. Another friend told me she had one of those and her son is 9m old and she hasn't bought diapers yet! I mentioned it to Ethan and he was all for it, and also added "can they buy wipes too?" Gotta love him. He also suggested they bring formula but since I don't know if I'll need any, or what kind, that was a no. Ethan is just remembering that Ryan's formula was $25 a can and we spent about $100 a month on it. Yep. But it was worth it for my sanity at the time.

So, the shower is scheduled for a week before my due date. I am laughing now because you just never know what is going to happen. With Ryan I had a shower 2 months early "just in case." We had no idea it could have been 2 weeks late and not mattered at all. I am grateful and lucky to have such great friends and I just couldn't tell them no anymore since they really wanted to do it but I still feel weird about it.

Baby Update

First, check out the kids blog (link to the right). I just posted some pics of Ryan at Build a Bear from last weekend. I also just had my sister take some family and maternity pics that will be up soon. She did all this fancy stuff with editing and I'm having a hard time picking my favs.

I saw my OB last Thursday at 34wks 1 day. She did a quick ultrasound to make sure he is head down and he is. Yay! This little guy scares me cuz he is a mover and a shaker. If he is head down in 2 weeks that should be his final position--except for my brother who turned the night before, but we aren't going to think about that! So, I am now one day away from being 35 wks!

My doctor was happy with my GD diet and got a good report from my nurse. It is good that they are communicating since I had no idea how that worked. She suggested an induction a week early due to the GD, but said it was my call. She will authorize another ultrasound at the hospital to check fetal weight since GD babies tend to be big, even when sugars are managed. They consider big 10 lbs. I'm fairly certain this baby is no where near that, but its good to try to get some idea of what we are dealing with. She was confident I could push out a 9 lb baby since Ryan was 8 lb 12 oz...until I corrected her that he was 8 lb 2 oz...with a vacuum and almost 3 hrs of pushing. That tends to change things a bit.

I'm still undecided on the induction. I've done it before and I know pitocin sucks. But I also know that from start to finish it was about 11 hrs and that is pretty darn awesome for a first baby induction. It would guarantee everyone that is supposed to be there will be, and Ryan will be taken care of. No middle of the night antics. She will not let me go over due for sure, so I guess its down to the size of the baby and my mood :) If there are any problems with my sugar I would probably choose delivery over insulin and checking my blood 10x a day. I did tell my doctor I expected her to bring me a donut in the hospital! I'm going to be the only person who gains weight after she has a baby, but I don't care. I need some sweets! I lost a pound on their scale, and about 4 on mine so this diet thing really does work and will be great with some modification after I have the baby...but right after, I've got some yummy food coming my way.