One of those nights...

So, we had one of those nights last night. A night we hadn't had in quite a while. A year to be almost exact. First, I have to say I am grateful for the last year of sleep. It has brought back some of my sanity and I feel much more like myself, though still tired, it is nothing like it was before. NOTHING. And I know its expected to have an off night here and there. And actually, in the year since we used the sleep consultant this is our fourth off night. I know! Only 4! By off, I mean I actually had to get out of bed in the middle of the night because Ryan was off his normal. That is the great thing about this program. Once you get started on the schedule you learn what your child's normal is. So, for Ryan it was normal for him to wake up and cry for 5 min or usually less. Most nights we don't hear a peep from him, but 5-10 min woudn't be a concern. And, its not really a cry. Its more of a whine, and at times I don't even think he is truly awake. This compared to every 2 hrs, or less, and an entire month in our bed. So, four off normal nights in one year is nothing. But I'm TIRED.

Last night was the fourth night of being off. And I have to admit this comes on the heels of me e-mailing the consultant and giving her an update on Ryan (how fabulous he has done!). Then he started the 5 min cry after we put him down...not during...but after we get downstairs. I told her I must have jinxed myself but she told me not to worry, he is getting older and protesting bed. No biggy. He is 2. Boy is he 2.

DID I MENTION I WAS TIRED. Today is the first day in months I made coffee. I've been mostly giving up the caffeine for the "half assed" diet. Ryan woke up at 1:30 and cried in spurts of a few minutes for an hour. Oh, I should also mention at 1:30 I hadn't yet been to sleep myself. I had been tossing and turning so maybe he caught my sleeplessness. Who knows. It really sounded like he woke up and just couldn't get back to sleep. There would be quiet for 15min and I would think he was asleep and then BAM it would start all over again. I couldn't take it anymore and checked on him. He was fine. No fever, not wet or dirty. Just one angry little man. Instead of changing his diaper and putting him back to bed I did a bad...I brought him to our bed. I really thought I could reason with him. Around 3:00am it really sounded like a good idea in my head. I said "Ryan lay down go nite nite." For 30 min I dealt with him touching my hair and saying "hair" and then he asked for a lollipop! By 3:30 I was officially off my rocker. I put him back in his room and more screaming ensued.

At some point Ethan went and got him and I heard him talking to him. He brought him back in our bed, I tried rubbing his back. Once he got comfortable he was out like a light. I had about one inch of matress and almost no blanket and no pillow. Ryan slept til 6:45 and opened his eyes wide awake. Its like he wakes up at 150% (only in the morning--nap wake ups are torture). I was a mess, needless to say. The worst part is I know that was wrong, but I did what I needed at the time. I needed reassurance he was ok. And I got that since he stopped crying the minute we went in and never cried once in our room. My fear of him being sick was gone.

It was just one of those nights. So, wish us luck for tonight. If he wakes up again I'm gonna have to be strong and let him go back to sleep on his own. Its so hard, but we've come so far and I can't turn back now. Still 4 nights in one year is AWESOME. And I am grateful for every single night. Truly I am. I would not lie about sleep...We have given him an important life skill by getting him to go to sleep on his own and sleep through the night. It really has changed our lives for the better, and I'm trying not to have anxiety about tonight. Just accept this little bump in the road and move on.