Feeling it

After 5 days off Ethan is back at work today and Ryan is...well...being a brat. He threw a nice little fit at Target where I just wanted to walk away from him and pretend he wasn't mine. Ethan takes him on errands all the time and has no problems. I ended up bribing him with candy, and then french fries, but the bad behavior continued once we got home. He wanted to play Wii and it was nap time so we had another round of crying and threatening and I'm just exhausted from the whole ordeal. I only had to buy 3 things, it was not a monumental shopping trip at all (though there was a stop at the 75% off christmas stuff but nothing good). They are getting in some new furniture/decorator stuff that was where the Christmas stuff was and its CUTE. Ofcourse, not my colors since Ethan wants to leave the red wall in the family room. That ofcourse makes no sense to you because I haven't posted any pictures of my house :)

I'm also feeling the pregnancy. The last week has been hard. I remember telling someone 20-30 wks is the best part, but after that its down hill. I agree still, but let's move it to 27 wks instead. Getting up off the floor is harder, and I'm pretty sure Ryan knows I'm tired so he is working every angle in his 3 yr old brain. We had some nights where he slept through til at least 5 (which I will take) but then a few nights where he comes in around 1 and wants to sleep with us. I have to escort him back to his room (no he does not go quietly) and then I sit/lay with him for a few minutes. It just boggles my mind how some nights are fine and others are not so fine. I cannot even go into the lack of potty training that is happening over here.

Saturday night my grandma was admitted to the hospital. There is some confusion as to what is happening. She has bronchitis and a UTI, but her lungs are clear. They have stopped the chemo pills for now and there is the possibility of a blood clot. I'm not sure if these are common side effects of chemo or if this is just something else. My aunt and grandma live together, they are both on chemo...sometimes it just seems like too much, which is me being selfish because they are the ones going through it, not me. I do feel selfish in that a part of me doesn't even want to deal with this. She is my only grandparent left, the one I was always closest to. 4 days before I was scheduled to be induced with Ryan my grandfather died and I have that "not again" feeling. Again, selfish but I haven't truly grieved for that. I was so in my own new mom world and just surviving that I couldn't process anything else. And I feel sad for my brother because he only ever knew two of his grandparents.

Ok, enough of that. I have to make a lasagna for a friend from play group. They set up "meals for moms" when someone has a baby. Isn't that nice?