Thursday, October 23, 2008

Gonna be kind of a downer...sorry

There has been a lot of stuff going on the last few weeks and it all seems to coming to a head at once, but at the same time, I hope settling down. My grandma has lung cancer. She is not or ever was a smoker. She is 78 and healthy for her age. In my whole life I don't remember her being really sick or having to be hospitalized. She works in her garden everyday, and can hoe weeds faster and better than me. Up until recently she mowed her own lawn which was almost half an acre. And, she has been caring for her daughter (my aunt) who is going through chemo for ovarian cancer (which has spread). At the time of testing and doing her lung biopsy they found out she has three blocked arteries around her heart. Now they are waiting for the oncologist to talk to the heart doctor and coordinate treatment, if any. She always said she didn't want to go through chemo, after seeing what it can do, but she is open to at least discussing it now. Surgery is not an option due to the location of the tumor. This has been bringing back feelings and memories of when my grandfather passed away 3 years ago, almost to the day. He died unexpectedly (though he was in a nursing home) 4 days before Ryan was born. Something I haven't even come to terms with yet because during the time when I should have been grieving I was having a baby and just surviving. Cancer on my dad's side of the family is rampant and its scary. Very scary. So, if you are a praying kind of person or someone who sends out good thoughts, send them out for grandma. I pray for her peace of mind and body.

Our dog Nikki is sick again. She threw up twice this morning, wouldn't eat, wouldn't move, then scarfed down water when I brought it to her--a sign of a liver/kidney issue. Again. This time she did not get into anything or eat anything bad that we know of. Believe me, its usually obvious. I called my sister in law (vet tech) to make sure I could give her the liver support meds on an empty stomach because she wouldn't eat. She also suggested some Pepcid and pain meds to hopefully perk her up. I dropped Ryan off at school, went to my pedicure appt, ran to Ride Aide for the Pepcid, and came home. She peed in the house, expected since she never went out in the morning. I cleaned that up, gave her the meds and some treats and cheese to hopefully not make her stomach any worse. Now we wait. If she is having another liver episode, this means its happening on its own, without the trigger of her injesting something bad. Which I think means we are in the beginnings of liver failure or cancer. It was only a few months ago that we went through this, agonized over possible cancer, then found out her values went back to normal after the liver support meds. I just can't have her suffer. And I can't watch her look sad.

I had more to say since I got some info on my hospital and the spinal situation, and we looked at some houses yesterday, but I think I've said enough for now. I just need a break.


Steph said...

Oh my gosh, Brandi. My heart is breaking for you! Cancer is out of control on my mom's side of the family (brain and breast) so I understand how scared you probably are. I will be thinking/praying/sending good thoughts to you and your family!!!

And of course, the Nikki situation really gets to me. I know you will do what is best for her, because you love her - and there is no doubt in my mind that she knows you love her and will take care of her!!! Lay down with her when you get a chance and just pet her head and tell her how much you love her!!

I know I have never met you - but I'm a hugger, and I love to hug my friends...whether it is happy time or sad I'm sending you one GIANT hug through the computer!!!! {{{{HUG}}}}

Lizzie Fish said...

i'm so sorry, brandi. what a hard time right's okay to be sad. more hugs to you from us.

Our Family of Four said...

Wow that's a lot at once. I'll be praying for your grandma and for Nikki. HUGS

Judy said...

Tugging at my heart...sending you prayers and happy thoughts for your Grandma, Aunt, and of course Nikki.

Oh, and I LOVE what Steph said about laying down with Nikki and petting her head telling her you love her. That just made me so sad.

Thinking of you...hang in there.